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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Do I have a right to be F---ing furious?? *A bit long*

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

SO and I have been talking about children and if we would have one together, even though we both have children from previous relationships (1 is mine and 3 are his).  He asked to adopt mine and I said no for my own reasons, that I do not want to discuss.  He starts on this whole tirade about how he will not be a father figure to mine, and blah blah blah, my child would never call him daddy, blah blah blah.  So I ask him the following question:  

Me: Will you treat my child differently than a child we had together?  

His response: IDK.  Your immediate denial to me adopting her is making me think about it.

Me:I will NOT have a child with a guy who would treat my child any differently than his own just because I won't let him adopt my child.  I also need to think about if I could even be with a man who cannot accept my child as his own without adopting my child.  Fully 100% acceptance of my child will make or break a relationship.

him: I accept your child absolutely.

me:  no you don't.  If you could even think of treating my child any differently because you are not adopting my child, you do not.  I will NOT have my child feel like they are an outsider or even slightly unwanted into any family I do or do not create.

him: that isn't what I meant.  I meant your child calling me by my name and our child calling me daddy. Unless our child has to call me by my name also.  I misinterpreted your question.

Needless to say I'm not buying the whole misinterpreting my question thing, but this really pisses me off.

Ladies, you tell me, did I misinterpret, or misunderstand something or did he say he would treat my child differently than our child?

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 24, 2013 at 4:52 PM
Replies (11-20):
Litlmama87
by Platinum Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 10:18 PM
Yes, this.

Really, really over the top.


Quoting Anonymous:

You're being ridiculous.....
teri4lance
by Platinum Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 10:19 PM
1 mom liked this

I think you are being difficult to talk to. 

one of the MOST important things you can do in any conflict is to give the other person a way out. 

he's retracting or revising his statement because he understood it to be incorrect or poorly communicated. you should accept that. people are allowed to be wrong without being trounced or forced to throw themselves to your feet. lol shit you frustrated me just reading it. 

My6Rock
by Bronze Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 10:20 PM

 So, how long have you been married? What do his kids call you? Have you adopted his kids?

firespurity
by Ruby Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 10:20 PM
this, it seems like he was responding out of hurt.

Quoting Anonymous:

He's obviously hurt by you not allowing him to adopt her and is expressing that, look at the meaning behind his words more than the words themselves. I highly doubt he would treat a child he wants to adopt as his own any differently.
Michaelsmom0522
by Gold Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 10:20 PM
I think you're over reacting. Sounds like a misunderstanding ...
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 24, 2013 at 10:21 PM
1 mom liked this

first thing you need to realize is that, wow, you are harsh.  you have a man who wants to adopt your child as his own, you shut him down, then get pissed and start picking apart his words, when he obviously has just had his feelings hurt with this huge rejection! 

and second, he sounds like the type of guy who would do his best to treat your kids all the same but you are the one keeping the divider up.  obviously baby-daddy isn't in the picture or else SO wouldn't be asking to adopt. 

give the guy a break.  quit nitpicking him to death. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 24, 2013 at 10:22 PM

you are sooooo right!!  That's one of the major things I learned as a parent, you MUST give someone a way out of a conflict.  I may not have done it right at the beginning with my first child, but i sure learned fast.  this is all about communication and respect.  the OP is not showing any to her SO. 

Quoting teri4lance:

I think you are being difficult to talk to. 

one of the MOST important things you can do in any conflict is to give the other person a way out. 

he's retracting or revising his statement because he understood it to be incorrect or poorly communicated. you should accept that. people are allowed to be wrong without being trounced or forced to throw themselves to your feet. lol shit you frustrated me just reading it. 


SaraD1989
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 10:23 PM

He's saying that there's no point in him treating her the same as his own, since you won't let her be his own. It's manipulative and I wouldn't be with a guy like that.

ElitestJen
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 10:23 PM

You don't accept him as a father figure to your child, so why do expect him to accept that role?  What's with the double standard?

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 24, 2013 at 10:26 PM
I agree it's ridiculous. Don't stay with him and don't have a child with him.
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