Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Do I have a right to be F---ing furious?? *A bit long*

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

SO and I have been talking about children and if we would have one together, even though we both have children from previous relationships (1 is mine and 3 are his).  He asked to adopt mine and I said no for my own reasons, that I do not want to discuss.  He starts on this whole tirade about how he will not be a father figure to mine, and blah blah blah, my child would never call him daddy, blah blah blah.  So I ask him the following question:  

Me: Will you treat my child differently than a child we had together?  

His response: IDK.  Your immediate denial to me adopting her is making me think about it.

Me:I will NOT have a child with a guy who would treat my child any differently than his own just because I won't let him adopt my child.  I also need to think about if I could even be with a man who cannot accept my child as his own without adopting my child.  Fully 100% acceptance of my child will make or break a relationship.

him: I accept your child absolutely.

me:  no you don't.  If you could even think of treating my child any differently because you are not adopting my child, you do not.  I will NOT have my child feel like they are an outsider or even slightly unwanted into any family I do or do not create.

him: that isn't what I meant.  I meant your child calling me by my name and our child calling me daddy. Unless our child has to call me by my name also.  I misinterpreted your question.

Needless to say I'm not buying the whole misinterpreting my question thing, but this really pisses me off.

Ladies, you tell me, did I misinterpret, or misunderstand something or did he say he would treat my child differently than our child?

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 24, 2013 at 4:52 PM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 24, 2013 at 10:50 PM
Since the day my child was born, no matter what biodad does I would never close the door on him being involved with our child. I will not take our child away from him or his family that loves our child no matter what biodad does.

Quoting Anonymous:

I would like to know why you won't let him adopt your child. I'm from a blended family so I can see where it might be alittle weird for one kid not call him daddy.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 24, 2013 at 10:52 PM
That's a good reason.


Quoting Anonymous:

Since the day my child was born, no matter what biodad does I would never close the door on him being involved with our child. I will not take our child away from him or his family that loves our child no matter what biodad does.



Quoting Anonymous:

I would like to know why you won't let him adopt your child. I'm from a blended family so I can see where it might be alittle weird for one kid not call him daddy.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 24, 2013 at 10:52 PM

He wants to adopt her, why not? Sounds like your being selfish.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 24, 2013 at 10:52 PM
As a father figure, yes, but I won't shut the door on my child having a relationship with biodad. I decided that long before I even knew SO, that is not going to change now.

Quoting ElitestJen:

You don't accept him as a father figure to your child, so why do expect him to accept that role?  What's with the double standard?

hautemama83
by Emerald Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 10:54 PM
You're acting irrationally.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 24, 2013 at 10:55 PM
I decided long before I even met SO that I would never close the door on biodad being involved in our child's life. I will not take him or his family out of our child's life, especially when his family loves our child no matter what biodad does.

Quoting Anonymous:

He wants to adopt her, why not? Sounds like your being selfish.

ElitestJen
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 10:55 PM



Quoting Anonymous:

As a father figure, yes, but I won't shut the door on my child having a relationship with biodad. I decided that long before I even knew SO, that is not going to change now.

Quoting ElitestJen:

You don't accept him as a father figure to your child, so why do expect him to accept that role?  What's with the double standard?

Then don't expect him to accept that role.  That's horribly hypocritical.  Besides, why would an adoption have any affect on a relationship with biodad?  Is a kid only allowed to have a relationship with a legal guardian?

EvaTheDiva29
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 10:55 PM

idk. my dh said he would adopt my ds, but hes a shitty step father and father to his own dd, so that won't happen either way. 

i think y'all should sit down calmly and explain both sides. take it from there.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 24, 2013 at 10:55 PM
Because I won't let him adopt or I took what he said wrong?

Quoting hautemama83:

You're acting irrationally.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 24, 2013 at 10:56 PM

Him adopting her does not eliminate the family. Only you can do that


Quoting Anonymous:

I decided long before I even met SO that I would never close the door on biodad being involved in our child's life. I will not take him or his family out of our child's life, especially when his family loves our child no matter what biodad does.

Quoting Anonymous:

He wants to adopt her, why not? Sounds like your being selfish.



Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)