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So Angry Im Crying UPDATE

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 Im one of those types of people who when they get extreme mad they break down into tears and right now thats what Im doing. All this is over my daughter who will be 8 in June and the bitch who is my ex husband's gf. In our court orders I am to have uninterrupted phone time (since she is in CT and I am in TX) every night at 7pm EST and no one is allowed (on either side) to record or have anyone listen in. This gf breaks that every night and tells my daughter what to say and lately it was not to talk to me and made up excuses as to why. Tonight really put me over the edge when she tried again to make up an excuse and I told her no she is to talk to me since its my only way at the moment to bond with her, thats when the gf took the phone. The gf told me since they are not receiving child support that I wont be speaking to my daughter anymore. I told her put my child on the phone and she flat out said no Im her mother now you are only an egg donor and that they put in papers to have my rights removed. Now before you ladies jump on me about paying cs Ive been working with my doctors and the support enforcement agency to work it out the current order and any arrears. Ive been unable to work due to a medical condition and my only income right now is my VA benefits which are $420 a month which goes to my car payment, my husband does work but all that money goes to our rent, bills, and food. Now this bitch has no right what so ever to control the contact between my child and I. I dont think they can take my rights away just because I am unable to work at this time and havent been able to see her as much due to money and my medical problems right?? They cant claim abandonment as the reason to remove rights because I talk with her on the phone and send out school supplies, clothes, and presents (I have receipts and pictures to prove those).  I just want to strangle this woman!! She has been causing problems for over a year now and my exhusband doesnt believe that she is doing anything wrong. I dont have a lawyer or even have the money for one plus I cant travel a million times to CT for court dates. As it is I can barely even leave my own home without either passing out or shitting all over myself. I just want my child back the way she was before this woman. Oh and I want to add I never lost custody of her, my ex just has primary physical custody and we have joint legal custody. The divorce happened while I was still active duty and the judge found it best she lives with my ex. Yes I am out now and believe me I am trying to change the custody order but again money is tight.

 

UPDATE

Well I talked to my exhusband this morning and I got to talk to my daughter as soon as she got home from school (she is home by 3 EST). Things went better because he was there during the call. My daughter seemed happier today and we talked almost 30 mins. I asked if she liked the calls after school instead of at night and she said yes. I hope that maybe with the change of timing it will help the calls better. 

by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 8:00 PM
Replies (331-340):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 30 on Apr. 26, 2013 at 4:13 PM

Actually she did.  When she was released from the military she CHOSE to stay in texas instead of going home to her daughter because of a guy and the cost of living in CT is alot and she NEEDED new guys support.  She LEFT her daughter there

Quoting Anonymous:

Some bitches on here....smh...yes, xdh has custody due to mom being in military at the time, normal procedure. She wants the relationship she haf BEFORE xdh girlfriend got involved...so if kid doest want to talk to mom, especially if gf is listening in, but did talk before, what changed? OP is trying to keep a bond with her child the best she can. Regardless of the circumtances, the new gf HAS NO RIGHT TO DESTROY THE PARENT/CHILD BOND!!!! That is the problem.
OP wasnt complaining about having to pay cs. Cs is NO REASON to not allow child to talk to mom..
Mom didnt say why she lives so far away, probably due to hubbys job. Yes, she shouldnt have gotten an expensive car, I agree there.
Gf needs to step back and let things be. If mom and child relationship falters or fail, it will happen. Gf does not need to make it happe. The child knows whats happening and will resent gf, I see problems in that familys future


Quoting tndsmomma28:

The issue IS the child support, and the fact that she's not paying it.  And the fact that she CHOSE to live thousands of miles away from her child.  And the fact that she CHOSE not to visit that child, or have that child visit her.  And she CHOSE to have TWO MORE kids and a $400 car payment, but she can't be bothered to pay child support for her own flesh and blood.  

It sounds to me like OP doesn't give two shits about her daughter, and it sounds to me like the GF is trying to protect the poor girl.  What an awful witch to look out for the kid because her own mother won't....

Quoting Anonymous:

The issue is not cs..the gf seems to be the type that will cause problems even if cs was paid.

The issue is the gf is disrespecting the child and mom by going against an order that states child can freely talk to mom without interference or recordings.





Quoting tndsmomma28:

I expect her to get a cheaper car, duh.  It didn't seem like that complicated of a thought process.  I guess you got confused anyway, though.

I suppose that the money that she made from selling the car could be used to BUY A NEW CAR!  Perhaps one that was a great deal cheaper monthly or *gasp* one that didn't require a monthly payment at all!

Quoting Pooobaihr:

How do you expect her husband to get around and get to work?

She has no other mode of transportation. The town they live in has no buses or anything of the sort, so how do you figure selling the only car they have will work out?

She'd have to spend even more money to get another car, more than what she's paying a month for what she has now. So HOW does that help out any?

Quoting tndsmomma28:

No. No you're not, actually. If you were trying, you wouldn't be blowing the ONLY income you have on a car. You'd sell it or let it get repo'd so that you could take the money that you're blowing on your nice car and spend it to help support your child.


THAT is trying. What you are doing is whining and making excuses.






Quoting SilverOcean84:

 It may not be the $150 a week ordered but at least I am trying with the little I have




Quoting Anonymous:

20 whole dollars...WOW mommy of the year!




Quoting Anonymous:

She already said she's sending $20.







Quoting Anonymous:

I don't know what to really think about this situation. Why don't you send like $20 a week for cs instead of nothing or maybe $10 a week? Every little bit helps you know. Why don't you go buy a used car that way you don't have a car payment. Alot of stuff I'm reading is you making excuses for everything. If my dh and I divorced and he got custody I would do whatever I had to do to make sure my ds was taken care of. I would go without just to make sure he has everything.




 








Anonymous
by Anonymous 30 on Apr. 26, 2013 at 4:14 PM

IF you gave 2 shits about her you would of gone home to her instead of picking a guy over her.

Quoting SilverOcean84:

 I want my daughter because she is my daughter. She is not a slave and no I would never expect her to help with her sisters, do chores yes but all kids have at least 1 chore

Quoting Anonymous:

Do you want your daughter back to help around the house and with your younger kids?


Quoting SilverOcean84:

 The only reason I dont have her was because during the divorce I was active duty in the Army and the judge deemed it in the best interest of the child to stay with the father instead of being with me and the unknown that comes with being active.


As for my medical problem its during flares that is my biggest problem it in no ways prevents me from caring for any of my children.


Quoting hismommy2010:


 While I get your frustration of wanting to 'bond' with your child. There is a reason that you don't have her. Typically the mothers get custody, fathers get it when the mother isn't fit for whatever reason. If you can't leave your home because you faint, or shit yourself, then that sounds like you wouldn't be able to take care of a child, besides you 'cant' work, and don't have money for bla bla bla etc...


I think it's wrong to prevent a child from speaking to either of their parents. But at the same time, you have all these reasons/excuses that you can't even put money towards your child. So I also get the girlfriend getting upset and stepping in. If she is footing YOUR bill for YOUR kid, then maybe she has a valid point here?


 


 


SilverOcean84
by Silver Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 4:23 PM

 I didnt choose my husband over my daughter. I chose stability over living off the streets or the state if I went back to CT. I met my husband while in the Army since he was in the same battalion just different company. What did you women want me to do just fly back to CT with no job and no home? The judge looks for how stable of a life the parents have when making their decision and I would of been screwed if I just flew back without anything. At least when she is old enough to fly out (ex and I agreed 10 years old) to see me I have a home for her to be in and food and other things she could need.

Quoting Anonymous:

IF you gave 2 shits about her you would of gone home to her instead of picking a guy over her.

Quoting SilverOcean84:

 I want my daughter because she is my daughter. She is not a slave and no I would never expect her to help with her sisters, do chores yes but all kids have at least 1 chore

Quoting Anonymous:

Do you want your daughter back to help around the house and with your younger kids?


Quoting SilverOcean84:

 The only reason I dont have her was because during the divorce I was active duty in the Army and the judge deemed it in the best interest of the child to stay with the father instead of being with me and the unknown that comes with being active.


As for my medical problem its during flares that is my biggest problem it in no ways prevents me from caring for any of my children.


Quoting hismommy2010:


 While I get your frustration of wanting to 'bond' with your child. There is a reason that you don't have her. Typically the mothers get custody, fathers get it when the mother isn't fit for whatever reason. If you can't leave your home because you faint, or shit yourself, then that sounds like you wouldn't be able to take care of a child, besides you 'cant' work, and don't have money for bla bla bla etc...


I think it's wrong to prevent a child from speaking to either of their parents. But at the same time, you have all these reasons/excuses that you can't even put money towards your child. So I also get the girlfriend getting upset and stepping in. If she is footing YOUR bill for YOUR kid, then maybe she has a valid point here?


 


 


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 43 on Apr. 26, 2013 at 4:46 PM
1 mom liked this
I have several friends, both moms and dads that live far apart, situations not important, from their children. They have great relationships with their kids, even if they moved on, remarried and had more kids. Why.... Because the custodial parents and step-parents ENCOURAGED the relationships. They did not try to destroy the kids relationships. That is how it is to be done.
My dd doesnt have a good relationship w her father, but its not because my SO and I ruined it, xdh does that all on his own without our help. SO encourages my dd to keep in contact w her father, drove her to fathers city, 400 miles away for her visitation.. but, alas, father is a jerk and she came to realize that on her own.
I still say gf should not assist in destroying your relationship with your dd. If gf want to gain brownie points, she should encourage ya"ll relationship.
cjsix
by Platinum Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 4:57 PM

 girl giving flowerSo glad you were able to talk to your ex and your daughter! The change in time of phone calls sounds like a great solution as he will be there when you call and can make sure that the phone calls don't get interrupted.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 30 on Apr. 26, 2013 at 6:21 PM
1 mom liked this
Whatever you have to tell yourself to get through the day. You choose you're path and you're poor daughters. If you had wanted to toy would if figured it out instead you choose the guy do he could take care of you and then you keep spurting out more kids you can't take care of.

Quoting SilverOcean84:

 I didnt choose my husband over my daughter. I chose stability over living off the streets or the state if I went back to CT. I met my husband while in the Army since he was in the same battalion just different company. What did you women want me to do just fly back to CT with no job and no home? The judge looks for how stable of a life the parents have when making their decision and I would of been screwed if I just flew back without anything. At least when she is old enough to fly out (ex and I agreed 10 years old) to see me I have a home for her to be in and food and other things she could need.


Quoting Anonymous:


IF you gave 2 shits about her you would of gone home to her instead of picking a guy over her.


Quoting SilverOcean84:


 I want my daughter because she is my daughter. She is not a slave and no I would never expect her to help with her sisters, do chores yes but all kids have at least 1 chore


Quoting Anonymous:

Do you want your daughter back to help around the house and with your younger kids?



Quoting SilverOcean84:


 The only reason I dont have her was because during the divorce I was active duty in the Army and the judge deemed it in the best interest of the child to stay with the father instead of being with me and the unknown that comes with being active.



As for my medical problem its during flares that is my biggest problem it in no ways prevents me from caring for any of my children.



Quoting hismommy2010:



 While I get your frustration of wanting to 'bond' with your child. There is a reason that you don't have her. Typically the mothers get custody, fathers get it when the mother isn't fit for whatever reason. If you can't leave your home because you faint, or shit yourself, then that sounds like you wouldn't be able to take care of a child, besides you 'cant' work, and don't have money for bla bla bla etc...



I think it's wrong to prevent a child from speaking to either of their parents. But at the same time, you have all these reasons/excuses that you can't even put money towards your child. So I also get the girlfriend getting upset and stepping in. If she is footing YOUR bill for YOUR kid, then maybe she has a valid point here?



 



 




 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 48 on May. 9, 2013 at 1:29 PM
Sounds like my ds step mom. Right now I have no contact with ds because ex refuses to return my messages. Out of state custody battles are horrible and until you are in one you can't understand. I'm glad you got to talk to her.
vetNmommy
by Platinum Member on May. 9, 2013 at 1:30 PM

Have you thought about contacting your VA Counselor?  See if there is anyway they can help?  I do hope things get better for you!  Have you thought about going to school online while using vocrehab?  I go to school full time and recieve 949 a month, I also get my VA disability.  So that def helps, plus you do not pay for classes, books or supplies.  It could help with a little income.  GL!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 49 on May. 9, 2013 at 1:32 PM
So you have no plans ro move closer to her ever? I think its sad that you can't afford the one you abandoned yet you have 2 more from new husband.
JDmommyJD
by the sauce is boss on May. 9, 2013 at 1:37 PM
This. You pay cs FIRST, then you pay for your car. And, maybe move closer to her so you can actually see her.

Quoting Kodysmommy928:

You don't have custody of your child and you feel that a car is more important than supporting her. I can't feel sorry for you.
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