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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

A few days ago DH confessed... -Frustrating Update

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Update: I looked for al anon meetings and the closest one (on ANY day of the week) is 30 minutes away. We only have 1 car so DH takes it to work at 3:30pm and all the meetings are around 6pm. :( So then I looked for NA meeting for him thinking I could tag along since I really miss meetings (I am also a recovering addict- been clean over a year) and the only one's they have are when he is at work. I am getting really discouraged. I really wanted us both to go to meetings, so badly. I am thinking of doing the NA by myself and just sharing that my DH recently relapsed but I doubt it will be as helpful as al anon. :(

That he has been using drugs again for about 6 months. He was doing pills for about a month and then went to illegally buying suboxone. He had been clean for over a year :( I noticed the signs again a few months ago but we have a baby and I thought he was extremely tired and that was contributing to his mood swings. I was wrong.

I'd first like to say that I will ignore comments that say DIVORCE HIM! No, I will not end my marriage because he slipped up. We took vows for better or worse.

But I dont know what to do. I'm angry and hurt. He has been lying to me (or I guess omitting) for 6 months. He is wasting our money on suboxone instead of dealing with what he has coming to him, withdrawal. He has agreed that when his vacation time comes in he will take 3 days of it to go cold turkey off the suboxone (once again!) and go through the withdrawals. But even that pisses me off! He's going to use his vacation time to sleep and complain and be mean while going through withdrawals when we could use that time to do something fun as a family all because he decided to be stupid.

I havent even spoken to him at all today. Last night I tried to say how hurt and dissapointed I was and he started yelling at me and calling me names. I dont care if its the drugs doing it to him! I dont deserve it! I was understanding and had sympathy for him when I thought he was just tired but now that I know its drugs I look back on the last 6 months of fighting and I'm pissed about it. I was very understanding the first time this happened and stayed by his side during the withdrawals and helped him as much as possible but this time he'll be going through that on his own.

I dont know :( I'm just pissed/hurt and ranting now. I cant even look at him. I used to be an addict too but I stopped that shit before I even got pregnant with DS and now that I have him I wouldnt even think of touching that shit! And I dont want him touching DS either, not if he's on something!

I dont know how to be there for him this time. I dont know how to put my anger aside and help him through this. I do love him but this is so unacceptable. Has anyone had an SO relapse? How did you get through it? How did you deal with the mood swings and their anger? How did you deal with YOUR anger? Does anyone have an SO that has been clean for years or is this what I have to look forward to every year or two?

Edit: He can not go to a detox/rehab center. His insurance doesnt cover it and we dont have that kind of money. I am not worried about him dying from withdrawal. He only takes a strip a day which isnt much and thats what he was on the last time we did this so I know he'll be fine.
Also, I forgot some people do not know what suboxone is. It is used to make the user not go through withdrawal (it is SUPPOSE to be used to wean them off drugs but is rarely use correctly around here). It has an opiate blocker in it so if he did get drugs it would prevent him from getting high and he doesnt get high off the subs.

Update: I got him in to see a substance abuse counselor that he will see later this week. He will go once or twice a week. THAT insurance covers.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 26, 2013 at 10:57 AM
Replies (21-30):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:44 AM
His family has no idea and only my mother knows. There is no where for him to go to withdraw otherwise he'd be going there because I really dont want to deal with it again! DS is a baby so thankfully he wont remember any of this. He shpuld get his vacation time within the next month or two.


Quoting BekahBrownEyes:

That's a tough situation. I haven't dealt with this before myself. I don't think however you should have to put up with him going cold turkey. When is this vacation time coming up that he plans to use? Does any family (yours or his) know about his relapse? Does any family live nearby? I'm asking this because I think it would be a good idea for you to let him go cold turkey alone. You and especially your son don't need to be around while he's going through withdrawal. Do you really want to expose your son to that? He did this to himself, he should deal with the consequences. It's good that his paychecks are coming to you now. I don't blame you for being hurt and angry, he lied to you. He was selfish and fell into that temptation to get high. Once he's sober again, I think marriage counseling is in order. Tell him he has no choice, its the best way to work out your issues. I hope this helped some. Hugss mama, stay strong.

BekahBrownEyes
by NoLies on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:48 AM
Have you considered taking your son and staying with your mom while he goes through the withdrawal? Quite a few ladies have suggested he go to a rehab center to detox. Is that a possibility? You have every right to remove yourself from that situation.

Quoting Anonymous:

His family has no idea and only my mother knows. There is no where for him to go to withdraw otherwise he'd be going there because I really dont want to deal with it again! DS is a baby so thankfully he wont remember any of this. He shpuld get his vacation time within the next month or two.




Quoting BekahBrownEyes:

That's a tough situation. I haven't dealt with this before myself. I don't think however you should have to put up with him going cold turkey. When is this vacation time coming up that he plans to use? Does any family (yours or his) know about his relapse? Does any family live nearby? I'm asking this because I think it would be a good idea for you to let him go cold turkey alone. You and especially your son don't need to be around while he's going through withdrawal. Do you really want to expose your son to that? He did this to himself, he should deal with the consequences. It's good that his paychecks are coming to you now. I don't blame you for being hurt and angry, he lied to you. He was selfish and fell into that temptation to get high. Once he's sober again, I think marriage counseling is in order. Tell him he has no choice, its the best way to work out your issues. I hope this helped some. Hugss mama, stay strong.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:49 AM
I've been there momma. It sucks. My DH has been clean for almost 2 years. He knows that I will not put up with it again. Going through withdrawal was hell. He was awful. My kids were babies so they don't remember it but they're older now.
Good luck to you. You might want to start thinking about what to do if he can't stay clean. Having a backup plan is always a good idea.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:51 AM

I would take those days and go off by myself while he was detoxing. You shouldn't be subjected to that.

MelanieMans
by Sapphire Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:52 AM
2 moms liked this

A slip up is using it one time after being clean, not for 6 straight months. He needs rehab and needs to learn he cant go back to drugs when life gets stressful, he needs to learn to deal and not rely on the pills. He cant take them ever, not even once. He may take one and say its just that one time, but then the one time turns into 2 times, and then 3.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:56 AM

Once a druggie always a druggie, it's a vicious cycle of coming clean and relapsing. I've grown up around it all my life and vowed never to go down that road myself. I won't touch drugs or alcohol, even tylenol I only take in extreme cases.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 10 on Apr. 26, 2013 at 12:23 PM

He NEEDS rehab and you both need marriage counseling. After rehab he should attend substance abuse meetings regularly.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 11 on Apr. 26, 2013 at 12:38 PM

 I would still help him as much as you can with his impending withdrawls, but make it the clear that this will be the lasst time you will help him. Once he is clean,explain to him again about his responsibilities and what you expect from him for the family. If it happens again you will most likley loose all trust in him, so tell him to think long and hard about his choices. Make sure to tell him you love him and will support him this time, but this is it. No more chances you should not have to live your life with someone who can not commit to your family and only the family.

lilmoosesmom
by Cat on Apr. 26, 2013 at 12:47 PM
AA is for both the addict and the family. Wives and children

Quoting Anonymous:

Can I go to alanon since I used to be an addict too? I thought it was only for nonaddicts..




Quoting firespurity:

Honey, you don't deserve to be treated rudely, drugs or no drugs. Have you considered alanon?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 12 on Apr. 26, 2013 at 12:55 PM

I hope that he gets into some type of rehab program...I also hope that you have some type of support to help you while dealing with all this...good luck you both need it

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