Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

A few days ago DH confessed... -Frustrating Update

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Update: I looked for al anon meetings and the closest one (on ANY day of the week) is 30 minutes away. We only have 1 car so DH takes it to work at 3:30pm and all the meetings are around 6pm. :( So then I looked for NA meeting for him thinking I could tag along since I really miss meetings (I am also a recovering addict- been clean over a year) and the only one's they have are when he is at work. I am getting really discouraged. I really wanted us both to go to meetings, so badly. I am thinking of doing the NA by myself and just sharing that my DH recently relapsed but I doubt it will be as helpful as al anon. :(

That he has been using drugs again for about 6 months. He was doing pills for about a month and then went to illegally buying suboxone. He had been clean for over a year :( I noticed the signs again a few months ago but we have a baby and I thought he was extremely tired and that was contributing to his mood swings. I was wrong.

I'd first like to say that I will ignore comments that say DIVORCE HIM! No, I will not end my marriage because he slipped up. We took vows for better or worse.

But I dont know what to do. I'm angry and hurt. He has been lying to me (or I guess omitting) for 6 months. He is wasting our money on suboxone instead of dealing with what he has coming to him, withdrawal. He has agreed that when his vacation time comes in he will take 3 days of it to go cold turkey off the suboxone (once again!) and go through the withdrawals. But even that pisses me off! He's going to use his vacation time to sleep and complain and be mean while going through withdrawals when we could use that time to do something fun as a family all because he decided to be stupid.

I havent even spoken to him at all today. Last night I tried to say how hurt and dissapointed I was and he started yelling at me and calling me names. I dont care if its the drugs doing it to him! I dont deserve it! I was understanding and had sympathy for him when I thought he was just tired but now that I know its drugs I look back on the last 6 months of fighting and I'm pissed about it. I was very understanding the first time this happened and stayed by his side during the withdrawals and helped him as much as possible but this time he'll be going through that on his own.

I dont know :( I'm just pissed/hurt and ranting now. I cant even look at him. I used to be an addict too but I stopped that shit before I even got pregnant with DS and now that I have him I wouldnt even think of touching that shit! And I dont want him touching DS either, not if he's on something!

I dont know how to be there for him this time. I dont know how to put my anger aside and help him through this. I do love him but this is so unacceptable. Has anyone had an SO relapse? How did you get through it? How did you deal with the mood swings and their anger? How did you deal with YOUR anger? Does anyone have an SO that has been clean for years or is this what I have to look forward to every year or two?

Edit: He can not go to a detox/rehab center. His insurance doesnt cover it and we dont have that kind of money. I am not worried about him dying from withdrawal. He only takes a strip a day which isnt much and thats what he was on the last time we did this so I know he'll be fine.
Also, I forgot some people do not know what suboxone is. It is used to make the user not go through withdrawal (it is SUPPOSE to be used to wean them off drugs but is rarely use correctly around here). It has an opiate blocker in it so if he did get drugs it would prevent him from getting high and he doesnt get high off the subs.

Update: I got him in to see a substance abuse counselor that he will see later this week. He will go once or twice a week. THAT insurance covers.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 26, 2013 at 10:57 AM
Replies (31-40):
JakeandEmmasMom
by Silver Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 12:57 PM
1 mom liked this
Good luck.
Are you getting support through Al-Anon or anything like that?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:04 PM
Its not possible for him to go to rehab, insurance doesnt cover it and we dont have that kind of money... If my brother moves out of my moms house before DH goes cold turkey I could stay there but at the moment she has a (very) full house.


Quoting BekahBrownEyes:

Have you considered taking your son and staying with your mom while he goes through the withdrawal? Quite a few ladies have suggested he go to a rehab center to detox. Is that a possibility? You have every right to remove yourself from that situation.



Quoting Anonymous:

His family has no idea and only my mother knows. There is no where for him to go to withdraw otherwise he'd be going there because I really dont want to deal with it again! DS is a baby so thankfully he wont remember any of this. He shpuld get his vacation time within the next month or two.






Quoting BekahBrownEyes:

That's a tough situation. I haven't dealt with this before myself. I don't think however you should have to put up with him going cold turkey. When is this vacation time coming up that he plans to use? Does any family (yours or his) know about his relapse? Does any family live nearby? I'm asking this because I think it would be a good idea for you to let him go cold turkey alone. You and especially your son don't need to be around while he's going through withdrawal. Do you really want to expose your son to that? He did this to himself, he should deal with the consequences. It's good that his paychecks are coming to you now. I don't blame you for being hurt and angry, he lied to you. He was selfish and fell into that temptation to get high. Once he's sober again, I think marriage counseling is in order. Tell him he has no choice, its the best way to work out your issues. I hope this helped some. Hugss mama, stay strong.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:07 PM
We cant afford rehab and his insurance doesnt cover it.


Quoting MelanieMans:

A slip up is using it one time after being clean, not for 6 straight months. He needs rehab and needs to learn he cant go back to drugs when life gets stressful, he needs to learn to deal and not rely on the pills. He cant take them ever, not even once. He may take one and say its just that one time, but then the one time turns into 2 times, and then 3.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:08 PM
DS is a baby too thank God! Your right though, I do need a back up plan...


Quoting Anonymous:

I've been there momma. It sucks. My DH has been clean for almost 2 years. He knows that I will not put up with it again. Going through withdrawal was hell. He was awful. My kids were babies so they don't remember it but they're older now.

Good luck to you. You might want to start thinking about what to do if he can't stay clean. Having a backup plan is always a good idea.

MelanieMans
by Sapphire Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:29 PM
Well you are gonna have to find a way to afford it or hes just gonna relapse everytime hes in a stressful situation.
Quoting Anonymous:

We cant afford rehab and his insurance doesnt cover it.


Quoting MelanieMans:

A slip up is using it one time after being clean, not for 6 straight months. He needs rehab and needs to learn he cant go back to drugs when life gets stressful, he needs to learn to deal and not rely on the pills. He cant take them ever, not even once. He may take one and say its just that one time, but then the one time turns into 2 times, and then 3.



jerseydiva
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:32 PM

Well, you say you won't divorce him, so I would guess without rehab etc. you are doing all that you can, so what advice would you like?  He is an addict an I would suggest going to a NA would be helpful and Alanon for you.

bethgoedeken
by Silver Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:33 PM
3 moms liked this

You're enabling him right now by letting him work it off in his own time. He didn't just slip up, he majorly fucked up, what happens if he gets caught driving high? Or his job finds out? You guys need a major wakeup call and counseling.

got2monsters
by Ruby Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:35 PM
I'm sorry mama. No experience here but here's a bump.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 26, 2013 at 2:10 PM
1 mom liked this
HE BUYS FROM HIS BOSS'! They are all junkies! He has been applying to other jobs but no luck yet. If he gets caught driving with it he will have to deal with the consequences of his stupidity. There is nothing I can do about him not having the vacation time to go through the withdrawals and he cant take 3 sick days in a row. His job requires him to stand all day and he works with dangerous machinery so he cant go in with shaking legs and hands and puking everywhere, not only would they tell him to leave but he could cut off some fingers. He doesnt get high off the suboxone, thats not how that drug works. It just keeps you from going through withdrawals.


Quoting bethgoedeken:

You're enabling him right now by letting him work it off in his own time. He didn't just slip up, he majorly fucked up, what happens if he gets caught driving high? Or his job finds out? You guys need a major wakeup call and counseling.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 26, 2013 at 2:12 PM
He can get counseling to learn to deal with stress but there is no way we can "find a way to afford rehab", if we dont have the money we dont have the money.


Quoting MelanieMans:

Well you are gonna have to find a way to afford it or hes just gonna relapse everytime hes in a stressful situation.




Quoting Anonymous:

We cant afford rehab and his insurance doesnt cover it.





Quoting MelanieMans:

A slip up is using it one time after being clean, not for 6 straight months. He needs rehab and needs to learn he cant go back to drugs when life gets stressful, he needs to learn to deal and not rely on the pills. He cant take them ever, not even once. He may take one and say its just that one time, but then the one time turns into 2 times, and then 3.






Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)