That he has been using drugs again for about 6 months. He was doing pills for about a month and then went to illegally buying suboxone. He had been clean for over a year :( I noticed the signs again a few months ago but we have a baby and I thought he was extremely tired and that was contributing to his mood swings. I was wrong.
I'd first like to say that I will ignore comments that say DIVORCE HIM! No, I will not end my marriage because he slipped up. We took vows for better or worse.
But I dont know what to do. I'm angry and hurt. He has been lying to me (or I guess omitting) for 6 months. He is wasting our money on suboxone instead of dealing with what he has coming to him, withdrawal. He has agreed that when his vacation time comes in he will take 3 days of it to go cold turkey off the suboxone (once again!) and go through the withdrawals. But even that pisses me off! He's going to use his vacation time to sleep and complain and be mean while going through withdrawals when we could use that time to do something fun as a family all because he decided to be stupid.
I havent even spoken to him at all today. Last night I tried to say how hurt and dissapointed I was and he started yelling at me and calling me names. I dont care if its the drugs doing it to him! I dont deserve it! I was understanding and had sympathy for him when I thought he was just tired but now that I know its drugs I look back on the last 6 months of fighting and I'm pissed about it. I was very understanding the first time this happened and stayed by his side during the withdrawals and helped him as much as possible but this time he'll be going through that on his own.
I dont know :( I'm just pissed/hurt and ranting now. I cant even look at him. I used to be an addict too but I stopped that shit before I even got pregnant with DS and now that I have him I wouldnt even think of touching that shit! And I dont want him touching DS either, not if he's on something!
I dont know how to be there for him this time. I dont know how to put my anger aside and help him through this. I do love him but this is so unacceptable. Has anyone had an SO relapse? How did you get through it? How did you deal with the mood swings and their anger? How did you deal with YOUR anger? Does anyone have an SO that has been clean for years or is this what I have to look forward to every year or two?
Edit: He can not go to a detox/rehab center. His insurance doesnt cover it and we dont have that kind of money. I am not worried about him dying from withdrawal. He only takes a strip a day which isnt much and thats what he was on the last time we did this so I know he'll be fine.
Also, I forgot some people do not know what suboxone is. It is used to make the user not go through withdrawal (it is SUPPOSE to be used to wean them off drugs but is rarely use correctly around here). It has an opiate blocker in it so if he did get drugs it would prevent him from getting high and he doesnt get high off the subs.
Update: I got him in to see a substance abuse counselor that he will see later this week. He will go once or twice a week. THAT insurance covers.