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A few days ago DH confessed... -Frustrating Update

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Update: I looked for al anon meetings and the closest one (on ANY day of the week) is 30 minutes away. We only have 1 car so DH takes it to work at 3:30pm and all the meetings are around 6pm. :( So then I looked for NA meeting for him thinking I could tag along since I really miss meetings (I am also a recovering addict- been clean over a year) and the only one's they have are when he is at work. I am getting really discouraged. I really wanted us both to go to meetings, so badly. I am thinking of doing the NA by myself and just sharing that my DH recently relapsed but I doubt it will be as helpful as al anon. :(

That he has been using drugs again for about 6 months. He was doing pills for about a month and then went to illegally buying suboxone. He had been clean for over a year :( I noticed the signs again a few months ago but we have a baby and I thought he was extremely tired and that was contributing to his mood swings. I was wrong.

I'd first like to say that I will ignore comments that say DIVORCE HIM! No, I will not end my marriage because he slipped up. We took vows for better or worse.

But I dont know what to do. I'm angry and hurt. He has been lying to me (or I guess omitting) for 6 months. He is wasting our money on suboxone instead of dealing with what he has coming to him, withdrawal. He has agreed that when his vacation time comes in he will take 3 days of it to go cold turkey off the suboxone (once again!) and go through the withdrawals. But even that pisses me off! He's going to use his vacation time to sleep and complain and be mean while going through withdrawals when we could use that time to do something fun as a family all because he decided to be stupid.

I havent even spoken to him at all today. Last night I tried to say how hurt and dissapointed I was and he started yelling at me and calling me names. I dont care if its the drugs doing it to him! I dont deserve it! I was understanding and had sympathy for him when I thought he was just tired but now that I know its drugs I look back on the last 6 months of fighting and I'm pissed about it. I was very understanding the first time this happened and stayed by his side during the withdrawals and helped him as much as possible but this time he'll be going through that on his own.

I dont know :( I'm just pissed/hurt and ranting now. I cant even look at him. I used to be an addict too but I stopped that shit before I even got pregnant with DS and now that I have him I wouldnt even think of touching that shit! And I dont want him touching DS either, not if he's on something!

I dont know how to be there for him this time. I dont know how to put my anger aside and help him through this. I do love him but this is so unacceptable. Has anyone had an SO relapse? How did you get through it? How did you deal with the mood swings and their anger? How did you deal with YOUR anger? Does anyone have an SO that has been clean for years or is this what I have to look forward to every year or two?

Edit: He can not go to a detox/rehab center. His insurance doesnt cover it and we dont have that kind of money. I am not worried about him dying from withdrawal. He only takes a strip a day which isnt much and thats what he was on the last time we did this so I know he'll be fine.
Also, I forgot some people do not know what suboxone is. It is used to make the user not go through withdrawal (it is SUPPOSE to be used to wean them off drugs but is rarely use correctly around here). It has an opiate blocker in it so if he did get drugs it would prevent him from getting high and he doesnt get high off the subs.

Update: I got him in to see a substance abuse counselor that he will see later this week. He will go once or twice a week. THAT insurance covers.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 26, 2013 at 10:57 AM
Replies (441-443):
by Anonymous 102 on May. 1, 2013 at 7:36 PM
My husband is a recovering opioid/heroine addict. Yes, intensive, one on one therapy, with a psychologist that specializes in addiction can work. But it only work if the addict wants it to work. My husband had done great for about 7 years and then he discovered Xanax and Klonopins. He went off the deep end with those, totaled our car....among other things. He has gone back to his psychologist and has been going to meetings. He will always be an addict, but he is determined to continue to fight it. I have chosen to stick by him through it, and it has not been an easy road by any means!!!! Good luck to you and your husband!!!

ETA: my husband was on suboxone for 2.5 years and then weaned himself off if, by himself. He did, however, end up back on it 3 years ago because he was having cravings and was having a difficult time with that battle.
by on May. 2, 2013 at 2:50 PM

I definitely know what you are going through, both my BF and I are recovering addicts. I have been clean for 6mo and he has 2yo. I have been on suboxone and methadone. It took me years to get where I am today. He probley should try weening off the suboxine rather than just stopping cold turkey. I did a 6mo program where I went from 16mg which is 2 suboxone then every 2 weeks I went down 2mg until I was only taking a quarter of 1. I was taking a quarter for a couple of weeks then a small chip for 1 week, I was able to go to a free detox center to help with completely stopping. I am not sure where you live but here in Washington there are several free 5 day detox centers. I'm sure you already know there is no magic trick and it isn't fun no matter what you do. It's going to be hard on you're family and he will probley be mean and grumpy for a while. That part sucks the most. Feeling like they are being selfish and that he put him self in this situation and now he's taking it out on you. I have been on both ends going through the withdraws myself or being with someone while there detoxing. Both are very tuff, and good for you for sticking by him, that's the best thing you can do for him. I think talking to someone about how you are feeling would really help but it's hard when it doesn't fit in you're schudule. Maybe you can find some online chat's. Just talking about is great. You are not alone there are lots of people with addiction problems or have family dealing with addiction. There is a light at the end of the tunnel even if it does'nt feel like it now. You are a strong woman for everything you are dealing with. If you guys can get through this it will make you're relationship so much stronger. I will be praying for you're family and If you ever want to talk to anyone my e-mail is andrearodensparre@live. com.  I am no expert but as you know no one can really understand unless they've been through it themselves.

by on May. 3, 2013 at 9:07 AM

  first of all, thank god u r clean...try so hard not to relapse, as u know its harder everytime...

and as far as SO taking subs...@ 4mg/day...that is what a dr would prescribe.  Since your insurance doesnt cover private physicians...every county in the US, as far as I know, has free medical health /drug abuse care at the county medical facility.(look in phone book under public health services)...he could go there and get the subs and be monitored by a physician as well as you.

I am thinking you are mostly concerned he will relapse to oxys...because taking the subs as directed is what a dr would suggest.

and yes, i agree about trying not to be angry, but it is so hard...if i were in your position, i would try to get him under a county medical care drug dr, so he can stay on subs long enough to really understand not being high...staying on subs and not abusing is a treatment for narcotic abuse...the question is which way will this go. wean off, stay sober , or lead back to that what you are thinking?...because some people , myself, stayed on subs four years, and realized I am happier sober than the having to chase the pills for a short lived high....yet it took me that long...but its a good treatment, if it was all prescribed/monitored by a Dr.

I think it sounds to me he is trying to help not taking oxys, and taking subs  at such a low a positive step, but to keep him there you do need a Dr.  please please look for county medical services... also, antidepressants may help give him at bit more sorry i had to rush a bit to hear back...good luck,

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