Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Step DD's wedding update after talking to SDD and her mom

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 193 Replies

My SDD is getting married at the end of the summer. Her and her fiance are going to need help from family to pay for the wedding, which is understandable. Her fiance is going into the military and they want to be married before he goes to basic training.

Anyway, her mom can't afford to pay for pretty much anything though she is doing a lot to help her save money including printing out the invitations instead of paying a company to do it. But me and DH are paying for the wedding (and I don't mean he is but I am his wife, the money is coming from out joint account that we both put money into and the fact is, I make more then DH and if DH was single and trying to pay for the wedding on his own, he wouldn't be able to give NEARLY what we will). SDD showed her us the sample of the invitations they will be printing up. It says (names changed)

Mr. James Smith and Ms. Julie Jones-Smith

Request the honor of your presence

at the wedding of their daughter

Anne Michelle Smith

To

Mathew John Thomas


On

Date

Time

 Place

Here is my issue, if I am helping to pay for the wedding, shouldn't my name be on the invitation? The people on the invitation are the ones who are hosting (paying for) the wedding, but it doesn't even mention me. Furthermore, it mentions her mother who isn't paying for the wedding. I don't mind her mother being on there because she is helping where she can and she is her mother but I feel that I am being snubbed. I am going to sit down with SDD tonight and talk to her about it. Maybe if I explain what having your name on the invitation means, she will understand my point of view. I hope so

UPDATE

I ended up talking to both SDD and her mom because I ended up going to SDD's apartment and her mom was there. After explaining my position, they both agreed that it would be appropriate for me to be on there and her mom even apologized for the oversight.  At first I think her mom was afraid that I was going to say that she shouldn't be on there because she isn't paying but then I pointed out that in a way, she is helping to pay because she is doing things like printing out the invitations instead of hiring it done which cost about 1/4 of the price.

The inviations will say

Mr. and Mrs. James Smith and Mrs. Julie Jones-Smith


Request the honor of your presence

at the wedding of their daughter

Anne Michelle Smith

To

Mathew John Thomas


On

Date

Time

 Place

We decided to keep the "their daughter" part in because SDD thinks it looks nicer on the invitation and everyone invited knows who her parents are so it's not like anyone would be confused.


Her mom and I ended up walking to our cars together and we had a nice talk. I explained that I understand that she is the mother of the bride, not me and I don't want to take that, I just want my own place, that is apropriate. She told me that she would give me a swatch of the color she is wearing (it is appropriate for the mother of the bride to pick a color and the mother of the groom wears a dress the same color) so that I can wear the same color as well.

We both agreed that it was realy good that we could work this out because even though SDD is grown, there are still going to be grandchildren and other things where it is best that we can compromise and get along.

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 26, 2013 at 4:59 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 26, 2013 at 5:02 PM
4 moms liked this

Nope your name shouldn't be.

littlesippycup
by Ruby Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 5:02 PM
1 mom liked this

My feelings would be so hurt. Yeah you need to be on there. I would put you and him on the top line and mom and whoever on the second line as a show of gratitude. Gee people just aren't thankful these days.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 26, 2013 at 5:03 PM

HMMM!!! Well---my DH's parents don't have money. They paid NOTHING except for a microwave they gave us for a wedding present!!! My parents paid for EVERYTHING!!! Anyway, my mom still put my DH's parents names on the wedding announcements. Of course, his bio parents are still married. This is your SD. I realize everyone does things differently. Good luck! I hope you get this figured out!!

iHEAVENn
by Silver Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 5:03 PM

....... I don't know, how long have you been her step mom? 

Ms.D-_-
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 5:04 PM
3 moms liked this
Well your not her mother or her father, so no your name does not need to be on the invite.
goddess99
by Silver Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 5:04 PM

Maybe she would compromise and put everyone's. Her mom and her husband And her dad and his wife (you).

atyou
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 5:05 PM
13 moms liked this
This may be the pettiest thing I've ever heard.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 26, 2013 at 5:05 PM
1 mom liked this

It's not about who the mother and father are, it's about who is hosting (paying for) the wedding.



Quoting Ms.D-_-:

Well your not her mother or her father, so no your name does not need to be on the invite.



outtamymynd
by Ruby Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 5:05 PM
14 moms liked this
The announcement is the bride, groom and parents. It's not announcing who paid for it.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Apr. 26, 2013 at 5:05 PM

No your name shouldn't be on it. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN