Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Debbie Downer *update*

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Does anyone have "that friend" who is always negative, always b*tching about their lives, etc?

I have one who is CONSTANTLY complaining. Yes, her life kinda sucks right now, but GEEZ 99% of our conversation is about her terrible life. I could leave work in a peachy mood, she'll call, and just drag it down.

I've had some rough patches. My dad just found out he has cancer, just had surgery, needs another surgery. It's not looking good.

But her husband lost his job, and they don't know how to save money, so even before this they were broke.

Who do you think dominates the b*tching in our conversations? Her.

She sometimes even says "So what's going on with you? You never have anything to b*tch about." WHAT?!? Every time I'll start, she'll butt in - and I don't feel like begging to talk about my possibly dying father. I feel that if she can have my undivided attention to her stupid rantings, than she should return that favor and not cut me off, or start talking to someone else in the room while on the phone with me (MID-sentence). I was in tears on the phone starting to tell her the news when we found out, and she starts yelling at her DD to wash the dishes, make sure you dry them, etc... while I was pouring my heart out.

Is it just me, or should she set a few minutes aside and step out somewhere to talk on the phone? Or say "Hey, I can't really give you all my attention right now and don't want to keep interrupting. Can I call you back as soon as I get a free minute?" Is that too much to ask???

Sorry, loooooong rant lol

Update:
Wow, it went WAY better than expected. It started out the same as usual, but every time she interrupted with one of her stories, I just kept talking... So eventually I got frustrated and explained it to her in the nicest way I could. She apologized and explained that she had no idea how I was feeling about my dad and didn't want to prod for information if I didn't want to talk about it (I'm usually a very private person). She also said that she didn't even realize she was doing it and would definitely try to keep that in check. She explained that she's a talker and by me not saying anything about it, she thought things were fine...

So that was good. We'll see if it sticks...

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 29, 2013 at 2:05 PM
Replies (11-20):
TugBoatMama
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 9:49 PM
1 mom liked this

One of my sils is this way. She's not a bad person at all and she has her redeeming qualities, but she and my bil are always complaining about how broke they are. But they have no good reason to be. They don't have kids and they both work full time, but they have four dogs that take up all their funds to care for. I know they would never do it, but they need to start putting themselves before the damn dogs or quit bitching.

I've tried holding onto shitty friends for fear of being alone. But that only made me feel worse. There really is something worse than being all alone. Its being surrounded by people that make you feel alone.

mysticalmalissa
by Platinum Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 9:53 PM

Yes I have "that" friend!

She is non-stop complaining.

She has no children, isnt married and still a total downer.

I have stopped answering 90% of her calls because its the same thing every time!  :/


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 30, 2013 at 8:10 AM

 Wow. You know, I never thought of it that way. My family makes me happy, so I guess I'm not alone. I don't even get "alone" time at home lol so I'm not sure why I feel alone. But even talking to her still makes me feel alone...

I think I'm going to have a talk with her about all this. I'll roll the dice and take the chance. If she doesn't like what I have to say and doesn't want to continue our friendship, then what friend was she to begin with, right?

Quoting mom2aspclboy:

No, it isn't terrible, it's sad. You should really think about that statement; If you are keeping around a friend who only brings you down, what does that say about what you think about yourself? To me it says that you'd rather be miserable than alone or you'd rather be miserable than find new friends.

Don't you think that you deserve better? 

Quoting Anonymous:

 Is it terrible to admit that I keep her around because she's one of the very few friends I have left and I don't want to be alone?

Wow, saying it out loud (typing lol) really sounds pathetic.

Quoting mom2aspclboy:

Time to reevaluate your friendship. If she is a toxic friend, always bringing you down or you are always doing for her w/o her really reciprocating, then why are you friends? What is she bringing to your friendship? Once you have honestly answered these questions, then you'll need to decide if you want to continue to have a relationship with her. If the answer is no, then time to distance yourself from her. 

 


 

VannaMae307
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 8:11 AM

yes...my sister

she ALWAYS has to be the one with the worse problems, which she does NOT have. She has her health, her job, her friends...I have shitty health and no job, but she still finds something to gritch over.

PinkButterfly66
by Emerald Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 8:12 AM

Next time she asks about you ... tell her that you have this friend and all she does is just bitch about her life to you and you find it frustrating and you want to run screaming for the hills.

BTW, my sister is like that.  I haven't talked to her in years because of it.  



Acid
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 8:14 AM

I used to.  I couldn't handle her constant bitching anymore. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 30, 2013 at 8:16 AM

My SIL is a definite Debbie Downer. She doesn't sit and complain about her life all the time, but when she does and you try to offer suggestions on how to make something better, she'll come up with excuse after negative excuse as to why she can't. She stresses out easily and is always in a horrible mood. I can only handle so much of her company...

It's ok to avoid these people sometimes, if only to keep ourselves from adopting their moods.

krissy920
by Gold Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 8:18 AM

i know a few women like that, and  nothing in their life will ever change. They will be and are always being miserable. Sometimes people like the attention even if its bad. Id  ignore her calls.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 30, 2013 at 8:18 AM

 Omg that's a great idea!!!

Quoting PinkButterfly66:

Next time she asks about you ... tell her that you have this friend and all she does is just bitch about her life to you and you find it frustrating and you want to run screaming for the hills.

BTW, my sister is like that.  I haven't talked to her in years because of it.  

 


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 30, 2013 at 8:24 AM

Lol, we must have the same "friend". My Debbie does the same things, almost exactly. We were work friends for a few years, had lunch together many times, but I never felt like she was my friend, only that I was HER friend (does that make sense?).

 When my DH and I moved an hour away, I was pregnant with DS and our lives got really busy really fast. We would talk on the phone (lol, SHE would talk), but we didn't see each other for over a year. We saw each other a couple of times over the summer after my DS was born, then went over a year without seeing each other again. During this time, I got pregnant with DD. My DH and I had a running joke between us that we wouldn't tell her I was pregnant unless she asked how I/we were doing. She never asked, lol, and it got even funnier every time she called, because there's me standing there like 9 months pregnant and she doesn't even know, meanwhile she rants on and on and on about her horrible life.

 She didn't know we had 2 kids until we saw her a few months after my DD was born and she didn't blink an eye. No "Why didn't you tell me?!" No nothing. When we moved, my phone broke and I got a new one, with a new number just because I didn't want to hear her sobbing on the other end of the phone about her rotton marriage, her kid with a married man, her other kid with her DH that her DH prefers over her DD from the married guy, ect. Best move I ever made :) Ahhh, peace :)

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)