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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I Don't Know How To Tell Him

Posted by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 1:56 PM
  • 10 Replies

My DS is 5.

We recently lossed some friends in a plane crash.  I haven't figured out how to tell DS that these people won't be coming home.  I'm not even sure where to start.  He has asked about them from time to time while they've been gone.  I'm dreading the next time he asks for one of them.  I just don't even know how to bring it up at all.

by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 1:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
alexsmomaubrys2
by Emerald Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 1:57 PM

You just have to be very honest with him. Death isn't something to be scared of, he can handle it.

momma2mms
by Kristin on Apr. 30, 2013 at 1:58 PM

Be honest, but also remember his age. Tell him that there was an accident and that they are no longer here. If you believe in God tell them they went to heaven and he'll see them again. Be simple. Let him ask questions. Answer as much as you think he can handle. Good luck and I'm sorry for your loss.

NunyaBizzness
by Gold Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 1:59 PM

has he ever seen a dead bug or bird or any animal?  if he has i would use that as a way to explain what happened.  death, while difficult for the living, is a normal part of life.  i remember trying to explain death to my oldest, and now my youngest.  sometimes they dont really get it and will continue to ask where that person is.  you might have to explain it a few times before he stops asking. 

Redwoods_Mama
by Platinum Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 2:00 PM

Be honest and gentle.  He may take it in stride, he may need some help to move past it.

I lost lots of people when I was a bit younger than him.  Anwer *all* his questions, and let him cry if he wants. 

lucky2Beeme
by Ruby Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 2:00 PM
1 mom liked this

 Honestly. tell him there was a mechanical problem with the plane and it crashed. Your friends were killed. I know this will make you sad. it makes mommy sad. The best thing we can do is remember how kind and how much fun they were. Then ask him if he would like to do something to remember them. You two could plant flowers or a tree in their memory. You could make a scrapbook of photos and memories. You could release balloons.

Redwoods_Mama
by Platinum Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 2:01 PM

Also, I am so sorry.  That must be traumatic for you a well.  :(  It would break my heart.

Mommy2b2many
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 2:02 PM

Tell him honestly; but not in a way that will frighten him. I'm sorry :(

mom_of_one_2010
by Bronze Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 2:03 PM

my friends younger brother would ask for grandmaw who passed away and my friend would say she is fishing with God now. and ahis brother would say that God needs to hurry up and catch a fish cuz its his turn to fish with grandma ahs we would all laugh and the boy would go and play 

Mrs.Kubalabuku
by Ruby Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 2:06 PM

Thank you.  It hasn't hit me full force yet.  I'm too caught up trying to help their families, help DH.  DH worked with them.  I'm still in shock.  And I feel guilty because I'm just glad DH wasn't on that plane.  We still don't know why it went down, but a lot of people out here are devastated.

One guy in particular was the kind of amazing guy you hope nothing bad ever happens to.  He would help mow lawns while husbands were deployed.  He would bring groceries to your house before a bad winter storm so you wouldn't have to make a trip with young children.  And he had a 1 year old daughter of his own.  I can't even begin to wrap my mind around it all.

Quoting Redwoods_Mama:

Also, I am so sorry.  That must be traumatic for you a well.  :(  It would break my heart.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Apr. 30, 2013 at 2:12 PM

We have not had that event but we dealt with death of a beloved pet.  I am in NO way comparing your friends to a pet, but this is how we explained it to DS (who was 3-1/2)--this is based upon our beliefs of Jesus and heaven:

You know how X went to heaven last year (SIL's dog)?  Well, Y has gone there too.  We will miss her a lot.  But, Jesus decided that it was time for Y to come live with him.  Why?  Because Y was very sick and tired.  Remember?  In heaven, she will be healthy again and can run and play.  Yes, we wish she could stay and we wish we could see her again and we will...in a long long time.  Its ok to be sad but let's remember the good times.

 

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