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I Just Need to Get This Out

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I'm mad. I resent him. We are done with kids. Baby number 2 and I've been trying desperately trying to find a way to work from home so I can be with the kids.

I went back to work in March. I hate it. DH will stop paying child support next month (that's over $800/month) and if we were more frugal we could afford for me to stay home.

I don't want to be a SAHM forever, just for about a year, if that! But nope, he's being a complete dickhead. I spend $1200 a month on childcare to go to work, plus gas, which is another $200-$250/ month depending on gas prices and for what? After I pay my portion of the bills, I have NOTHING left.

A friend of mine will pay me $115/week to watch her daughter. That would be just enough to cover my portion of bills, plus with child support stopping, I don't see why we can freakin do this! He says no, I need to keep looking for a better paying job.

Why can't I look for a better paying job while I'm at home? Either way I'll be bringing home the same amount of money - $0.

I feel my resentment growing. I feel bad for being so upset, he does work really hard and he already pays the majority of the bills (he does make 3x what I do) but I really don't feel like I'm asking a whole lot. I'm not asking to just up and quit and leave him with all the bills, I'm trying to find a way to bring in some money, but he won't let me unless I'm making more than enough to cover the bills. My friend goes back to work at the end of the month. I have to let her know within a week so she can make other arrangements. I would keep looking for additional income, but I just want to lock her in and he says no.

I'm pissed. Hurt. Depressed. I cry a lot, and I'm sure some of that is still hormones. I have to drop my baby off every morning for upwards of 11 hours/ day! I hate it!! Part of me wishes I would get let go for something stupid so I could get unemployment. I've even tried pleading with my job to let me work from home a couple days/week but they're all a bunch of assholes and refuse.

I'm actively looking for another job, or any job that will let me telecommute from home at least a couple days a week. I'm not greedy, I just want more time with my baby.

Anyway. Thanks for "listening".
Posted by Anonymous on May. 1, 2013 at 12:34 PM
Replies (11-20):
by Anonymous 7 on May. 1, 2013 at 12:43 PM

It's sad that he making over 3x what you make and you are still unhappy that he's carrying the family load.  Buck up, find a decent, well paying job, and take care of your responsibilities instead of putting it all on his back.

by Anonymous 8 on May. 1, 2013 at 12:43 PM
Why don't people discuss this shit before kids!
by Anonymous 9 on May. 1, 2013 at 12:46 PM

Have you told him how you feel, like you explained in your OP?  If he isn't willing to consider your feelings, you have a big problem.  Can you find other ways to cut down the bills, etc?

If I were you, I would explain how I feel about the situation and tell him that I'm quitting my job.  He has the option to be supportive or be an ass, his call.  But, don't be complaining about money in two months. lol

by on May. 1, 2013 at 12:47 PM

 This is what I was thinking. It was what my SIL did to be able to stay home and take care of her kids when they were little. Find out what your states guidelines are and what programs can help you out. There are programs that will pay you back so much a month on food and such.

Quoting didavis:

Ohh, I feel for you. Just tell him how it is. Do daycare out of your home, that is the best option for you. I worked liked that when my kids where little and when stuff hit the fan, it was always me who had to quit my job. Best thing is, to hang in there and speak out. You will be in my prayers.


by on May. 1, 2013 at 12:49 PM
1 mom liked this
So stand your ground. Stay home. I would not pay someone else to raise my kid. STAY HOME IF THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT.
by Gold Member on May. 1, 2013 at 12:54 PM
I agree. It's time to tell him what you are going to do. Not ask him.

Quoting ambermarie2006:

This, why let him control you like that?

Quoting Anonymous:

Why dont you just take control of your own life and do what you want?


by on May. 1, 2013 at 2:17 PM
1 mom liked this

Your part of the bills? Not quiet getting that... Are y'all roommates and divide everything in half? You pay power he pays water?? That is WAYYYY crazy to me! That is not how a marriage works... If you want to stay home and your budget allows you to stay home and your bills still be home then tell your husband I am staying home with my kids... If he doesn't like it his child support payments can continue for a few more years...

by Anonymous 10 on May. 1, 2013 at 2:28 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't get the whole "dividing the bills" thing.  If that's how it works, then shouldn't he be paying for half of the childcare that is required for you to be working?  That's the thing about two parents working the same shifts.  If one of them doesn't make much more than childcare and gas costs, then it's financially more reasonable for that parent to stay home.  That's one of the reasons DH is a SAHD for right now.  He can't seem to find a job that is willing to pay enough for him to be making anything after childcare and gas, not to mention having to buy disposable diapers (we use cloth, but most daycares won't), the extra meals we would inevitibly be too tired to cook, etc.  I make enough to cover bills for the most part (full disclosure, we are on FS), so he's going to go to school in the fall and get his degree so he can get a job that makes enough to justify having at least one child in daycare. 

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 1, 2013 at 3:01 PM
If it was just me, I would. But we are a family and (should be) making decisions as one. Neither of us should be making big decisions without the other's input.

Quoting Anonymous:

Why dont you just take control of your own life and do what you want?


by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 1, 2013 at 3:04 PM
I've tried to. It's like he has blinders on and can't see the bigger picture. I try to open a dialogue about it, but he gets all worked up and then I get mad cause he's blowing it out of proportion. Sigh.... I do keep trying though. Maybe I'll get through eventually.

Quoting Anonymous:

Have you told him this? You need to clearly communicate your needs.
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