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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I Just Need to Get This Out

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I'm mad. I resent him. We are done with kids. Baby number 2 and I've been trying desperately trying to find a way to work from home so I can be with the kids.

I went back to work in March. I hate it. DH will stop paying child support next month (that's over $800/month) and if we were more frugal we could afford for me to stay home.

I don't want to be a SAHM forever, just for about a year, if that! But nope, he's being a complete dickhead. I spend $1200 a month on childcare to go to work, plus gas, which is another $200-$250/ month depending on gas prices and for what? After I pay my portion of the bills, I have NOTHING left.

A friend of mine will pay me $115/week to watch her daughter. That would be just enough to cover my portion of bills, plus with child support stopping, I don't see why we can freakin do this! He says no, I need to keep looking for a better paying job.

Why can't I look for a better paying job while I'm at home? Either way I'll be bringing home the same amount of money - $0.

I feel my resentment growing. I feel bad for being so upset, he does work really hard and he already pays the majority of the bills (he does make 3x what I do) but I really don't feel like I'm asking a whole lot. I'm not asking to just up and quit and leave him with all the bills, I'm trying to find a way to bring in some money, but he won't let me unless I'm making more than enough to cover the bills. My friend goes back to work at the end of the month. I have to let her know within a week so she can make other arrangements. I would keep looking for additional income, but I just want to lock her in and he says no.

I'm pissed. Hurt. Depressed. I cry a lot, and I'm sure some of that is still hormones. I have to drop my baby off every morning for upwards of 11 hours/ day! I hate it!! Part of me wishes I would get let go for something stupid so I could get unemployment. I've even tried pleading with my job to let me work from home a couple days/week but they're all a bunch of assholes and refuse.

I'm actively looking for another job, or any job that will let me telecommute from home at least a couple days a week. I'm not greedy, I just want more time with my baby.

Anyway. Thanks for "listening".
Posted by Anonymous on May. 1, 2013 at 12:34 PM
Replies (21-30):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 1, 2013 at 3:08 PM
Yes, my part. We are a team (sort of...). He pays certain bills and I pay certain bills, according to what we both make. We have a bill pay account and each pay day we deposit x amount into that account from the household checking.
It took me over a year just to talk him into that, before we each had our own account, which may be practical for some, but wasn't for us.

Quoting mom2_2542:

Your part of the bills? That's sad...you should be a team. I'm sorry. :(
keeler_s
by Silver Member on May. 1, 2013 at 3:08 PM
Boggles my mind, we are a team and any and all money is OURS. I don't understand.
As far as staying at home goes I say you go for it, if you aren't coming out ahead what's the point in spending all the time away from your little ones? I could understand if it was benefiting you but at this point it's not.


Quoting MalakbelLacuna:

That's immediately what I thought. In see this often on here and it makes no sense



Quoting mom2_2542:

Your part of the bills? That's sad...you should be a team. I'm sorry. :(
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 1, 2013 at 3:09 PM
He doesn't control me. I mean, I can see why you'd say that. But how can I just decide to be a SAHM without agreement by both parties?

Quoting ambermarie2006:

This, why let him control you like that?



Quoting Anonymous:

Why dont you just take control of your own life and do what you want?



 

RaynesMommy07
by Ruby Member on May. 1, 2013 at 3:11 PM
Wow. Your portion of the bills? Aren't you guys a team?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 1, 2013 at 3:11 PM
Thanks. I'm trying to do the daycare thing, but its really difficult to find children to watch!
I have ads on craigslist, sittercity and care.com but I'm getting nothing!

Quoting didavis:

Ohh, I feel for you. Just tell him how it is. Do daycare out of your home, that is the best option for you. I worked liked that when my kids where little and when stuff hit the fan, it was always me who had to quit my job. Best thing is, to hang in there and speak out. You will be in my prayers.

CamoChick
by on May. 1, 2013 at 3:14 PM

 I thought the same thing


Quoting mom2_2542:

Your part of the bills? That's sad...you should be a team. I'm sorry. :(


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 1, 2013 at 3:16 PM
Thanks. I do have a plan. Maybe he thinks I'm trying to saddle him with all the bills, but I'm honestly not. I want to keep helping, I just don't want to keep fighting about it, but I'm really unhappy where I'm at right now. I just don't understand how he thinks its better for the kids to be in daycare 45 hours a week as opposed to tightening our budget a little.

Quoting Anonymous:

I agree, you have a plan and you have thought it through, tell him your plan and then say, this is what I want, this is what I'm going to do..



Quoting ambermarie2006:

This, why let him control you like that?





Quoting Anonymous:

Why dont you just take control of your own life and do what you want?




 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 11 on May. 1, 2013 at 3:18 PM
I have 3 sons- I pray that they never agree to a SAHM wife. You should be working with your husband not trying to sit on your ass at home. Don't you have any ambition? Don't you want more for your children? He is right, you should be looking for a better job.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 1, 2013 at 3:19 PM
Believe me, I am trying to find a better paying job. I got stuck in the job I'm at and I looked the entire time I was on maternity leave for work at home or other options, I've been sending out my resume for months and I've got nothing. I make okay money now, but like I said, after I pay daycare, gas and bills, my account is empty until i get paid again. I don't even have money to put in savings, its ridiculous.

Quoting Anonymous:

It's sad that he making over 3x what you make and you are still unhappy that he's carrying the family load.  Buck up, find a decent, well paying job, and take care of your responsibilities instead of putting it all on his back.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 1, 2013 at 3:21 PM
We did! I thought we were on the same page! At some point he decided to deviate to wherever the heck he is now.

Quoting Anonymous:

Why don't people discuss this shit before kids!
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