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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I Just Need to Get This Out

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I'm mad. I resent him. We are done with kids. Baby number 2 and I've been trying desperately trying to find a way to work from home so I can be with the kids.

I went back to work in March. I hate it. DH will stop paying child support next month (that's over $800/month) and if we were more frugal we could afford for me to stay home.

I don't want to be a SAHM forever, just for about a year, if that! But nope, he's being a complete dickhead. I spend $1200 a month on childcare to go to work, plus gas, which is another $200-$250/ month depending on gas prices and for what? After I pay my portion of the bills, I have NOTHING left.

A friend of mine will pay me $115/week to watch her daughter. That would be just enough to cover my portion of bills, plus with child support stopping, I don't see why we can freakin do this! He says no, I need to keep looking for a better paying job.

Why can't I look for a better paying job while I'm at home? Either way I'll be bringing home the same amount of money - $0.

I feel my resentment growing. I feel bad for being so upset, he does work really hard and he already pays the majority of the bills (he does make 3x what I do) but I really don't feel like I'm asking a whole lot. I'm not asking to just up and quit and leave him with all the bills, I'm trying to find a way to bring in some money, but he won't let me unless I'm making more than enough to cover the bills. My friend goes back to work at the end of the month. I have to let her know within a week so she can make other arrangements. I would keep looking for additional income, but I just want to lock her in and he says no.

I'm pissed. Hurt. Depressed. I cry a lot, and I'm sure some of that is still hormones. I have to drop my baby off every morning for upwards of 11 hours/ day! I hate it!! Part of me wishes I would get let go for something stupid so I could get unemployment. I've even tried pleading with my job to let me work from home a couple days/week but they're all a bunch of assholes and refuse.

I'm actively looking for another job, or any job that will let me telecommute from home at least a couple days a week. I'm not greedy, I just want more time with my baby.

Anyway. Thanks for "listening".
Posted by Anonymous on May. 1, 2013 at 12:34 PM
Replies (31-40):
anitarichman
by Anita on May. 1, 2013 at 3:24 PM

 but he already made the decision that you have to work......

Quoting Anonymous:

If it was just me, I would. But we are a family and (should be) making decisions as one. Neither of us should be making big decisions without the other's input.

Quoting Anonymous:

Why dont you just take control of your own life and do what you want?


 

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 12 on May. 1, 2013 at 3:26 PM

 So what happens if one month you can't pay your "certain" bills? Does he pick up the bill and pay it?

Quoting Anonymous:

Yes, my part. We are a team (sort of...). He pays certain bills and I pay certain bills, according to what we both make. We have a bill pay account and each pay day we deposit x amount into that account from the household checking.
It took me over a year just to talk him into that, before we each had our own account, which may be practical for some, but wasn't for us.

Quoting mom2_2542:

Your part of the bills? That's sad...you should be a team. I'm sorry. :(

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 1, 2013 at 3:32 PM
I try to. He's seen me crying at night. He knows how much this means to me. And I understand that its stressful for him, to be the main breadwinner. I stress constantly about how much I make and how can we be more efficient with our money and I clip coupons and only buy stuff on sale. I recently started making our laundry detergent to save money (which he was against for some weird reason).

He calls me cheap, but I'm just trying to be frugal. I just don't get it. If the situation was reversed and he could stay home and I made enough to support the family I would do it in a heartbeat.



Quoting Anonymous:

Have you told him how you feel, like you explained in your OP?  If he isn't willing to consider your feelings, you have a big problem.  Can you find other ways to cut down the bills, etc?

If I were you, I would explain how I feel about the situation and tell him that I'm quitting my job.  He has the option to be supportive or be an ass, his call.  But, don't be complaining about money in two months. lol

Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on May. 1, 2013 at 3:35 PM

Get out a notebook.  List all of your bills, income, etc.  Look at what you are spending to work.  Create a new page with what your income and bills will look like without you working (but watching that child) and sit down with him and be honest.  Don't assume that he knows how you feel.  It needs to be spelled out very clearly.  They don't get it otherwise.

I hope you can work this out to everyone's favor.

ETA: Putting it on paper can also show you some things that maybe you can cut out, to save even more money.  That will help your position.

Quoting Anonymous:

I try to. He's seen me crying at night. He knows how much this means to me. And I understand that its stressful for him, to be the main breadwinner. I stress constantly about how much I make and how can we be more efficient with our money and I clip coupons and only buy stuff on sale. I recently started making our laundry detergent to save money (which he was against for some weird reason).

He calls me cheap, but I'm just trying to be frugal. I just don't get it. If the situation was reversed and he could stay home and I made enough to support the family I would do it in a heartbeat.



Quoting Anonymous:

Have you told him how you feel, like you explained in your OP?  If he isn't willing to consider your feelings, you have a big problem.  Can you find other ways to cut down the bills, etc?

If I were you, I would explain how I feel about the situation and tell him that I'm quitting my job.  He has the option to be supportive or be an ass, his call.  But, don't be complaining about money in two months. lol


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 1, 2013 at 3:38 PM
You're right.....

Quoting anitarichman:

 but he already made the decision that you have to work......


Quoting Anonymous:

If it was just me, I would. But we are a family and (should be) making decisions as one. Neither of us should be making big decisions without the other's input.


Quoting Anonymous:


Why dont you just take control of your own life and do what you want?



 


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 1, 2013 at 3:40 PM
If he has it available, yes.

Quoting Anonymous:

 So what happens if one month you can't pay your "certain" bills? Does he pick up the bill and pay it?


Quoting Anonymous:

Yes, my part. We are a team (sort of...). He pays certain bills and I pay certain bills, according to what we both make. We have a bill pay account and each pay day we deposit x amount into that account from the household checking.
It took me over a year just to talk him into that, before we each had our own account, which may be practical for some, but wasn't for us.


Quoting mom2_2542:

Your part of the bills? That's sad...you should be a team. I'm sorry. :(

 

Diamepphyre
by Ruby Member on May. 1, 2013 at 3:42 PM

I completely understand what you mean.  I ended up having to work the entire time that my kids were growing up.  I hated it.  I still resent it.  He has his career, and I have nothing.  I never got to be the mom I wanted to be. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on May. 1, 2013 at 3:51 PM

I think you are calculating it wrong. You are assuming daycare comes out of your salary alone, but that shouldn't be the case.  Daycare is needed because BOTH of you work, so after you add your salaries together daycare should come out of the combined incomes.    That means more of your salary is helping your family, and less of your husband's is. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Believe me, I am trying to find a better paying job. I got stuck in the job I'm at and I looked the entire time I was on maternity leave for work at home or other options, I've been sending out my resume for months and I've got nothing. I make okay money now, but like I said, after I pay daycare, gas and bills, my account is empty until i get paid again. I don't even have money to put in savings, its ridiculous.

Quoting Anonymous:

It's sad that he making over 3x what you make and you are still unhappy that he's carrying the family load.  Buck up, find a decent, well paying job, and take care of your responsibilities instead of putting it all on his back.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 1, 2013 at 3:57 PM
I've done that, not a separate page with what I'd bring in staying home watching the friend's kid, but I did do the other one because we just weren't being smart and maximizing our money. But it took months for that to sink in. Its like he's so set in his ways, even if its inefficient, he does it cause that's what he's always done.

Quoting Anonymous:

Get out a notebook.  List all of your bills, income, etc.  Look at what you are spending to work.  Create a new page with what your income and bills will look like without you working (but watching that child) and sit down with him and be honest.  Don't assume that he knows how you feel.  It needs to be spelled out very clearly.  They don't get it otherwise.

I hope you can work this out to everyone's favor.

ETA: Putting it on paper can also show you some things that maybe you can cut out, to save even more money.  That will help your position.

Quoting Anonymous:

I try to. He's seen me crying at night. He knows how much this means to me. And I understand that its stressful for him, to be the main breadwinner. I stress constantly about how much I make and how can we be more efficient with our money and I clip coupons and only buy stuff on sale. I recently started making our laundry detergent to save money (which he was against for some weird reason).



He calls me cheap, but I'm just trying to be frugal. I just don't get it. If the situation was reversed and he could stay home and I made enough to support the family I would do it in a heartbeat.







Quoting Anonymous:

Have you told him how you feel, like you explained in your OP?  If he isn't willing to consider your feelings, you have a big problem.  Can you find other ways to cut down the bills, etc?

If I were you, I would explain how I feel about the situation and tell him that I'm quitting my job.  He has the option to be supportive or be an ass, his call.  But, don't be complaining about money in two months. lol


BEXi
by BEXi on May. 1, 2013 at 3:59 PM
1 mom liked this

When both of us are working, we split the bills half and half. One income, the money is all pooled.

It just works that way better with some people. *Shrug*

Quoting MalakbelLacuna:

That's immediately what I thought. In see this often on here and it makes no sense

Quoting mom2_2542:

Your part of the bills? That's sad...you should be a team. I'm sorry. :(


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