Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I Just Need to Get This Out

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I'm mad. I resent him. We are done with kids. Baby number 2 and I've been trying desperately trying to find a way to work from home so I can be with the kids.

I went back to work in March. I hate it. DH will stop paying child support next month (that's over $800/month) and if we were more frugal we could afford for me to stay home.

I don't want to be a SAHM forever, just for about a year, if that! But nope, he's being a complete dickhead. I spend $1200 a month on childcare to go to work, plus gas, which is another $200-$250/ month depending on gas prices and for what? After I pay my portion of the bills, I have NOTHING left.

A friend of mine will pay me $115/week to watch her daughter. That would be just enough to cover my portion of bills, plus with child support stopping, I don't see why we can freakin do this! He says no, I need to keep looking for a better paying job.

Why can't I look for a better paying job while I'm at home? Either way I'll be bringing home the same amount of money - $0.

I feel my resentment growing. I feel bad for being so upset, he does work really hard and he already pays the majority of the bills (he does make 3x what I do) but I really don't feel like I'm asking a whole lot. I'm not asking to just up and quit and leave him with all the bills, I'm trying to find a way to bring in some money, but he won't let me unless I'm making more than enough to cover the bills. My friend goes back to work at the end of the month. I have to let her know within a week so she can make other arrangements. I would keep looking for additional income, but I just want to lock her in and he says no.

I'm pissed. Hurt. Depressed. I cry a lot, and I'm sure some of that is still hormones. I have to drop my baby off every morning for upwards of 11 hours/ day! I hate it!! Part of me wishes I would get let go for something stupid so I could get unemployment. I've even tried pleading with my job to let me work from home a couple days/week but they're all a bunch of assholes and refuse.

I'm actively looking for another job, or any job that will let me telecommute from home at least a couple days a week. I'm not greedy, I just want more time with my baby.

Anyway. Thanks for "listening".
Posted by Anonymous on May. 1, 2013 at 12:34 PM
Replies (41-50):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 13 on May. 1, 2013 at 4:09 PM

But your not making decisions as one.  He is making the decision and you are living with it, seems from your post.  His input is you work, and you work.  So that is a decision.  Which he made.  See it now?

Quoting Anonymous:

If it was just me, I would. But we are a family and (should be) making decisions as one. Neither of us should be making big decisions without the other's input.

Quoting Anonymous:

Why dont you just take control of your own life and do what you want?




Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 1, 2013 at 4:11 PM
I'm so sorry. That's what I'm afraid of! I don't want to feel this way towards him.
I hope you can find a way to reconcile your feelings.

Quoting Diamepphyre:

I completely understand what you mean.  I ended up having to work the entire time that my kids were growing up.  I hated it.  I still resent it.  He has his career, and I have nothing.  I never got to be the mom I wanted to be. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 13 on May. 1, 2013 at 4:12 PM

Jealous much?  My big ass wants to know  :)

Quoting Anonymous:

I have 3 sons- I pray that they never agree to a SAHM wife. You should be working with your husband not trying to sit on your ass at home. Don't you have any ambition? Don't you want more for your children? He is right, you should be looking for a better job.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 1, 2013 at 4:22 PM
Does it really matter? The daycare does come out of my salary and the mortgage comes out of his.I pay the cable, he pays the car insurance, and so on. He pays more bills than I do, but we both pay a proportionate amount of bills to our take home pay.

Of course, when his son moves in, and with me bringing home $115/week, we could realistically afford for me to stay home. I just don't understand why he's so against it.

Quoting Anonymous:

I think you are calculating it wrong. You are assuming daycare comes out of your salary alone, but that shouldn't be the case.  Daycare is needed because BOTH of you work, so after you add your salaries together daycare should come out of the combined incomes.    That means more of your salary is helping your family, and less of your husband's is. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Believe me, I am trying to find a better paying job. I got stuck in the job I'm at and I looked the entire time I was on maternity leave for work at home or other options, I've been sending out my resume for months and I've got nothing. I make okay money now, but like I said, after I pay daycare, gas and bills, my account is empty until i get paid again. I don't even have money to put in savings, its ridiculous.



Quoting Anonymous:

It's sad that he making over 3x what you make and you are still unhappy that he's carrying the family load.  Buck up, find a decent, well paying job, and take care of your responsibilities instead of putting it all on his back.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on May. 1, 2013 at 4:29 PM

You keep thinking it's going to be cheaper to raise as child than to pay CS.  Why is that?  

Quoting Anonymous:

Does it really matter? The daycare does come out of my salary and the mortgage comes out of his.I pay the cable, he pays the car insurance, and so on. He pays more bills than I do, but we both pay a proportionate amount of bills to our take home pay.

Of course, when his son moves in, and with me bringing home $115/week, we could realistically afford for me to stay home. I just don't understand why he's so against it.
Quoting Anonymous:

I think you are calculating it wrong. You are assuming daycare comes out of your salary alone, but that shouldn't be the case.  Daycare is needed because BOTH of you work, so after you add your salaries together daycare should come out of the combined incomes.    That means more of your salary is helping your family, and less of your husband's is. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Believe me, I am trying to find a better paying job. I got stuck in the job I'm at and I looked the entire time I was on maternity leave for work at home or other options, I've been sending out my resume for months and I've got nothing. I make okay money now, but like I said, after I pay daycare, gas and bills, my account is empty until i get paid again. I don't even have money to put in savings, its ridiculous.
Quoting Anonymous:

It's sad that he making over 3x what you make and you are still unhappy that he's carrying the family load.  Buck up, find a decent, well paying job, and take care of your responsibilities instead of putting it all on his back.


KGreen75
by on May. 1, 2013 at 4:34 PM

 Why doesn't it make any sense?

My husband and I both make over six figures, we keep our money separate.

We have ONE joint checking account and ONE joint savings.  Each pay check we put into that account equal parts of the bills.  We each pay 50% of the household expenses, mortgage, groceries, electric, water, cable/tv/internet, kids tuition, and our joint credit card that we use for family expenses like going out to eat, buying the kids clothes, etc.  Our joint savings, we each put the same amount in it each month, with that money we go on vacations, update the house, things like that.

Then we each have a seperate checking account.  Our personal checking accounts are used for personal expenses.  Like if I want to go and buy $1000 worth of clothes for myself, I use *MY* personal account.  If he wants to go to Vegas for a week with his friends, he pays for it out of his personal checking account.

This works for us.  One person isn't paying more into the family.  There aren't resentment issues like the OP has.  We each ALWAYS have our own money and we don't dictate what the other does with their personal money.


Quoting MalakbelLacuna:

That's immediately what I thought. In see this often on here and it makes no sense

Quoting mom2_2542:

Your part of the bills? That's sad...you should be a team. I'm sorry. :(


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 11 on May. 1, 2013 at 4:36 PM

No, I am most definitely not jealous. I don't understand why women think it's ok to make their husband  work and they should just be home with the kids.  I think both parents should contribute financially, and I think both should share in the responsibilities of the children and home. None of the SAHM's I know are June Cleaver so what is the purpose except to be lazy?

I went to college and have worked to have a career - I would never want to be at home doing nothing. My house is clean, my kids get good grades and are in activities. We have money to afford things we all want, and my dh and I are a team.  We each contribute to all aspects of raising our family.

If both of you agree to it, whatever,  that is two people making the choice, but In this situation especially, her dh does not want her to stay home and I think she is being lazy and selfish.


Quoting Anonymous:

Jealous much?  My big ass wants to know  :)

Quoting Anonymous:

I have 3 sons- I pray that they never agree to a SAHM wife. You should be working with your husband not trying to sit on your ass at home. Don't you have any ambition? Don't you want more for your children? He is right, you should be looking for a better job.



 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 1, 2013 at 4:56 PM
You're right....

Quoting Anonymous:

But your not making decisions as one.  He is making the decision and you are living with it, seems from your post.  His input is you work, and you work.  So that is a decision.  Which he made.  See it now?

Quoting Anonymous:

If it was just me, I would. But we are a family and (should be) making decisions as one. Neither of us should be making big decisions without the other's input.



Quoting Anonymous:

Why dont you just take control of your own life and do what you want?





teri4lance
by Platinum Member on May. 1, 2013 at 5:01 PM
How can he just decide you have to work without agreement from both parties?


Quoting Anonymous:

He doesn't control me. I mean, I can see why you'd say that. But how can I just decide to be a SAHM without agreement by both parties?



Quoting ambermarie2006:

This, why let him control you like that?





Quoting Anonymous:

Why dont you just take control of your own life and do what you want?




 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
teri4lance
by Platinum Member on May. 1, 2013 at 5:04 PM
Lol my dh makes 10 times as much as i do and everything is still equal. I can't understand that mine and yours mentality.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)