24 hours ago i was head over heels for so, now we're done for good (long) Updated 2x
I didn't care until about 3 years in, when i realized THAT was what was affecting our sex life, why he never wanted to have sex with me.
Eventually i told him i wasn't ok with it anymore and i now considered it cheating.. He did it twice after that that i know of. Well after the second time i caved and told him, do whatever, don't let it affect us. Well now he hadn't wanted sex in over a week again, the last two times we were intimate it was a 30-60 min bj for him, two days in a row, with grand promises of reciprocation followed by him being "tired" for over a week.
Well of course there was porn in his browser. He went so far as to google some specific girl, he did that with another one before too, i think its so creepy that he knows these non famous porn stars names.
So anyways i told him to choose once and for all , would he forsake all others for me, its one or the other (and i have made him videos but he disregarded it and chose porn before after promising no more porn.) Well he told me, in so many words, that he did not choose me. So i told him we will keep up appearances for our kids and be free to fuck whomever until we are able to separate without destroying our kids lives.
I'm upset but relieved i don't have to live with this recurring problem in my relationship. I believe porn can be fine and it was for us, but he has a problem and doesn't want to admit it , that or he doesn't care, either way, I'm over it.
we have been arguing all day. I've been grasping at straws trying to get him to realize he has a problem and is literally choosing porn over me. He kept calling me delusional and trying to blame me. Eventually he said he had a SEX addiction, not porn.. Yet for 4+ years we have always had recurring issues with him not wanting sex, him rejecting me, and ignoring me while watching porn daily. Then he says if he doesn't watch porn he would be out cheating on me so he does what he has to do. And says that's what happens when he Carries the sex life... I have done everything he had ever asked sexually. ANYTHING.
I have no solution.i thought, i was convinced, he was my soulmate. We knew each other so well. Now i feel like i never knew him. I am in shock... But I shouldn't be. I have ignored a lot of stuff over the years, stupidly.this was a long time coming i guess. I'm so stupid. I was so naive and in love and desperate to keep him. I only work 1
day a week and have NO family, friends, money, or cart or place to live. I an falling apart and losing everything.
He's been having dick problems. He admitted it to me last night. This, too, has been an ongoing issue.. More like an ongoing factor in this whole porn trouble. He has considered the possibility of porn causing it, but he IS 10 yrs my senior with some health problems, undiagnosed. There are probably multiple factors and we are trying to work through it. He was genuine... So I can't give up on him. He says the pictures on the screen don't know about his inadequacies.. That broke my heart. We are trying our best to get through this. All the support is truly appreciated.