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24 hours ago i was head over heels for so, now we're done for good (long) Updated 2x

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 111 Replies
My so has a problem with porn.

I didn't care until about 3 years in, when i realized THAT was what was affecting our sex life, why he never wanted to have sex with me.

Eventually i told him i wasn't ok with it anymore and i now considered it cheating.. He did it twice after that that i know of. Well after the second time i caved and told him, do whatever, don't let it affect us. Well now he hadn't wanted sex in over a week again, the last two times we were intimate it was a 30-60 min bj for him, two days in a row, with grand promises of reciprocation followed by him being "tired" for over a week.

Well of course there was porn in his browser. He went so far as to google some specific girl, he did that with another one before too, i think its so creepy that he knows these non famous porn stars names.

So anyways i told him to choose once and for all , would he forsake all others for me, its one or the other (and i have made him videos but he disregarded it and chose porn before after promising no more porn.) Well he told me, in so many words, that he did not choose me. So i told him we will keep up appearances for our kids and be free to fuck whomever until we are able to separate without destroying our kids lives.

I'm upset but relieved i don't have to live with this recurring problem in my relationship. I believe porn can be fine and it was for us, but he has a problem and doesn't want to admit it , that or he doesn't care, either way, I'm over it.




UPDATE

we have been arguing all day. I've been grasping at straws trying to get him to realize he has a problem and is literally choosing porn over me. He kept calling me delusional and trying to blame me. Eventually he said he had a SEX addiction, not porn.. Yet for 4+ years we have always had recurring issues with him not wanting sex, him rejecting me, and ignoring me while watching porn daily. Then he says if he doesn't watch porn he would be out cheating on me so he does what he has to do. And says that's what happens when he Carries the sex life... I have done everything he had ever asked sexually. ANYTHING.

I have no solution.i thought, i was convinced, he was my soulmate. We knew each other so well. Now i feel like i never knew him. I am in shock... But I shouldn't be. I have ignored a lot of stuff over the years, stupidly.this was a long time coming i guess. I'm so stupid. I was so naive and in love and desperate to keep him. I only work 1
day a week and have NO family, friends, money, or cart or place to live. I an falling apart and losing everything.



UPDATE

He's been having dick problems. He admitted it to me last night. This, too, has been an ongoing issue.. More like an ongoing factor in this whole porn trouble. He has considered the possibility of porn causing it, but he IS 10 yrs my senior with some health problems, undiagnosed. There are probably multiple factors and we are trying to work through it. He was genuine... So I can't give up on him. He says the pictures on the screen don't know about his inadequacies.. That broke my heart. We are trying our best to get through this. All the support is truly appreciated.
Posted by Anonymous on May. 2, 2013 at 11:17 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Lunarprancer
by Betsy on May. 2, 2013 at 11:20 AM
1 mom liked this

hugs

catchup29
by on May. 2, 2013 at 11:22 AM

I always thought that watching porn spices love lives up.  It does for DH and I.   I have heard some women say that it causes unrealistic expectations from the man. Have you asked him what he likes about the porn so much?

momcat437
by Bronze Member on May. 2, 2013 at 11:23 AM
1 mom liked this

 I'm sorry!  He definitely has a problem that he alone will have to deal with.  You, on the other hand, should never even think of sinking to his level!  What good is it for you to cheat?  What will that gain you?  Momentary satisfaction but the reprecussions could be devastating!  You need to be the adult and set the right example for him and for your kids!  I know it hurts but don't let him drag you in the mud with him!

EmilysMom2010
by Ruby Member on May. 2, 2013 at 11:24 AM
For the kids.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 2, 2013 at 11:25 AM

This seperate fucking may work for a while but all it's going to do is cause you both a bunch of problems. Trust me. My guy had this problem for a while. I bought him and IPAD for his birthday.. Worked my guts out for it and everynight (after about a week) he'd pick a huge fight with me because he knew i'd sleep in the other room and i went to use the ipad one day and when you pull the browser up whatever was last viewed would pull back up and there was porn all over it. I was so disgusted knowing he did this to me and knowing my daughters bed is in our room where he was watching this shit. I felt so disgusted, betrayed and it took us a long time to get back to normal. If you both start cheating i promise you itll screw up future relationships. Good luck.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 2, 2013 at 11:30 AM
I don't even care anymore. I have done everything. i have been ok with it, I've watched it with him, made it with him, made it for him and sent it, but bottom line is he likes it more than me. I am slightly overweight from having a baby still but this was a problem even when i was 17 and smokin hot. We would go weeks without sex and he would watch porn, i assume in binges, and would deny me every time i initiated. It got so bad that i stopped initiating a few years ago because the rejection really hurts me. Now he tries to blame his porn obsession on me "not doing my job".. But like i said in op the last 2x we were intimate it was bjs.. And i have tried to initiate recently, on a weekend when he wouldn't be tired, and... Got rejected.


Quoting catchup29:I always thought that watching porn spices love lives up.  It does for DH and I.   I have heard some women say that it causes unrealistic expectations from the man. Have you asked him what he likes about the porn so much?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 2, 2013 at 11:37 AM
This is a temporary situation until we can separate. I've done this too many times with him.


And that's awful. I just saved up the money to take him to an awesome concert on his birthday (have a big surprise planned), yet he can't save up for an engagement ring (its been over four years, two kids), or do anything for my birthday ever. Ooh once we went to a restaurant for my birthday where i walked out on him because he spent the whole time complaining that the waitresses were ugly.


Quoting Anonymous:

This seperate fucking may work for a while but all it's going to do is cause you both a bunch of problems. Trust me. My guy had this problem for a while. I bought him and IPAD for his birthday.. Worked my guts out for it and everynight (after about a week) he'd pick a huge fight with me because he knew i'd sleep in the other room and i went to use the ipad one day and when you pull the browser up whatever was last viewed would pull back up and there was porn all over it. I was so disgusted knowing he did this to me and knowing my daughters bed is in our room where he was watching this shit. I felt so disgusted, betrayed and it took us a long time to get back to normal. If you both start cheating i promise you itll screw up future relationships. Good luck.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 2, 2013 at 11:39 AM
I don't want to cheat, i want us to have an open relationship until we can separate. I feel only disgust for him now.


Quoting momcat437:

 I'm sorry!  He definitely has a problem that he alone will have to deal with.  You, on the other hand, should never even think of sinking to his level!  What good is it for you to cheat?  What will that gain you?  Momentary satisfaction but the reprecussions could be devastating!  You need to be the adult and set the right example for him and for your kids!  I know it hurts but don't let him drag you in the mud with him!


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 2, 2013 at 11:40 AM
Thank you. I was waiting to be torn up for being a "prude"


Quoting Lunarprancer:

hugs


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 2, 2013 at 11:44 AM
Bump. I could use some encouragement.
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