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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Child Support/Visitation Question

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 16 Replies

My ex moved 22 hours away because of his girlfriend's job. He did this long after our visitation schedule and child support order were put into place. Our kids are 6 and 8. He moved about 2 years ago and the kids have never been to his place to visit. (He has traveled back 3 times and saw them for a day each time). They maintain contact via phone mostly.

Okay, so now on the phone yesterday he says to me, "in a couple of years when me and _______ get a condo, we are planning on having an extra room so that the kids can stay entire summers with us."

Me: An entire summer? How would that even work? How would you pay for childcare?

Him: Well ________ and I have different work schedules so they would only be home alone for a couple hours each day.

Me: That isn't happening.

 

What would you propose in this situation?

I don't pay for childcare for the kids because I am a teacher so that is not within my budget. There is no way I would consent to letting my kids stay home alone in a new place for a few hours a day. I also wouldn't be able to give him "his CS" for those months because I rely on the CS I receive for subsidizing some of my bills.

 

 

 

Posted by Anonymous on May. 2, 2013 at 10:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
emandab
by Gold Member on May. 2, 2013 at 10:16 PM
2 moms liked this

He's talking about a good two years from now.  I say cross that bridge when you come to it.  Many things will change between now and then.  Put it out of your head for now.

MrsDavidB25
by Stacey on May. 2, 2013 at 10:18 PM

 Who knows what will be going on in his life in a few years. don't worry about it.

MrsDavidB25
by Stacey on May. 2, 2013 at 10:19 PM

 Oh and you absolutely do not have to give him a dime of the cs back. Even for the whole summer.

xxjadedhaloxx
by Bronze Member on May. 2, 2013 at 10:20 PM

Most visitation orders give the non custodial parent a month during the summer.  My papers say that I can split up the 30 days any way I want as long as it is 2 weeks & 2 weeks.  I also get my daughter any weekend I want out of the time he has her during the summer.  If you have a court order he can't just say he wants the whole summer, but he is entitled to some summer visitation.

mommy2adandykid
by Silver Member on May. 2, 2013 at 10:23 PM

don't even act like it's a big deal because if he senses that you're absolutely against it NOW, he may try to start problems now instead of in a couple of years.  and like others said, who knows where he'll be in a couple of years.

wmmom06
by on May. 2, 2013 at 10:24 PM

If you refuse to let him take them, he could take you to court to fight for more visitation. You could be in big trouble. My 12 year old niece is home along for like an hour 3 days a week. In some states, a child as young as 10 can be left alone at home for a couple of hours. While you may not agree with his decision, while they are in his care, he pretty much do what he wants as long as it is legal. I think you resent him moving away with a new g/f, and you like having control over you children, but if you don't let them go, they will resent you eventually. 


NikLvsNick
by Silver Member on May. 2, 2013 at 10:24 PM

Honestly depends on what the court order says. (I have sole custody so I don't have this problem.) based on what he said...you have a couple of years to figure it out. if you are uncomfortable with them being alone at his house for a few hours during his visitation with him...and there is a chance of the custody order changing...then I would honestly bring it up that that is a concern of yours and something you are not comfortable with.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 2, 2013 at 10:25 PM
1 mom liked this
Tell him you'll talk about it as it gets closer. Then go to court.
I wouldn't be all about not seeing my children all summer esp if he hasn't seen them in some time.
But if e has some type of relationship w them and the girl is still in the picture then maybe it could be a positive thing
Lorelai_Nicole
by Lorelai on May. 2, 2013 at 10:28 PM
I wouldn't worry about it right now. It's two years away. Who knows if he and his GF will even still be together. Don't waste your energy on it. When the time comes, THEN deal with it. While most states don't have laws for how young a child can be left alone, some cities/counties have their own ordinances. Plus, I doubt any judge is going to mandate that a 10yo and 8yo must go somewhere where they will be left alone daily, even for a few hours.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 2, 2013 at 10:29 PM

 My kids are currently 6 and 8. Two years from now they will be 8 and 10. Their bio-dad lives in the Washington D.C. area and commutes an hour to work. So no, they legally could not be left home alone.

This isn't about control at all. I allow him access whenever we can both financially work it out, but in this situation, unless he could get daycare I'm not letting them go. He hasn't raised them since they were 1 and 3 so he doesn't really understand how bad an idea it would be to leave them home alone at the ages of 8 and 10.


Quoting wmmom06:

If you refuse to let him take them, he could take you to court to fight for more visitation. You could be in big trouble. My 12 year old niece is home along for like an hour 3 days a week. In some states, a child as young as 10 can be left alone at home for a couple of hours. While you may not agree with his decision, while they are in his care, he pretty much do what he wants as long as it is legal. I think you resent him moving away with a new g/f, and you like having control over you children, but if you don't let them go, they will resent you eventually. 

 


 

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