See what CafeMoms are saying about saving time this holiday season..
DH has 2 kids with his ex. They are 7 and 9. They are absolutely AWFUL. They lie, steal, are disrespectful, they break things on purpose, they torment our 2 year old and 1 year old. He has them every weekend, so we never get any down time with just us. He works Monday - Friday. Meanwhile, BM is raking in child support and going out every weekend because she can. It's bullshit. I hate having them over here. I hate the sounds of their whining voices, always demanding things and then throwing fits when they don't get it.
Today was the last straw. He picked them up at 7 last night. I went to bed early so I wouldn't have to deal with them. I wake up this morning to my 2 year old wanting breakfast, but DH was too busy on the X Box to make anything. His oldest 2 were sitting there with him, the 7 year old was playing but the 9 year old wasn't. So why the hell couldn't either DH make breakfast while the 9 year old played, or the 9 year old get the baby a bowl of cereal or something??? There's no excuse for him ignoring his youngest 2 children just because he has THEM over here.
So he will either sign his rights over, or I'm leaving, with our kids. He can pay child support, I don't care. It's a small price to pay to have them out of our lives. If he choses not to sign, then I will take everything in the divorce and he can figure out how to pay child support for 4 kids instead of just 2, while living out of his car.
First, to all the ones that said I should get my lazy ass up and make my own kids breakfast--I DID. I was angry that my 2 year old was ignored when there are other people that could have got him something. Especially when DH had already made the older 2 breakfast, but didn't make anyone else anything because they weren't up yet. I got up at 8:15. That's my idea of sleeping in. I am usually up at 7:30, and when I am, I make EVERYONE breakfast. Just like I make EVERYONE lunch and dinner. I don't pick and choose who to feed. Also, of course I knew he had kids when we got married But they were NOT like this. They weren't perfect but they weren't all out bad, either. This mainly started when our oldest was born. And YES I have tried and tried to involve them, do things with just the 3 of us (me and them) and I never leave them out of anything. They just hate my kids, and I guess hate me for having them. IDK. When we go somewhere (all 6 of us) it's a nightmare. They're constantly picking on my 2, finding ways to make them cry. It's so stressful. I try to keep them all entertained and occupied, but they break almost everything we buy them. We had 2 iPads--one was stepped on and one was thrown in the bathtub. To the certain ones that said iit doesn't matter that my DH ignores the younger ones on the weekends because it's the older ones time with him--bullshit. He works Monday - Friday, he leaves before they get up, and he's home in time to MAYBE spend 15 minutes with them before they go to bed. He spends more time in one day with the others than he does all week with the younger ones. Is it REALLY wrong of me to want him to include our 2 as well? he doesn't have to spend every waking minute with them, but damn.
Anyway, I was angry when I wrote this post. DH took the older 2 to the movies, so my kids and I have had almost the whole day here alone, and it's been very quiet and peaceful. And I have realized that I WAS wrong to want to ask him to give up his older two. He obviously wants to be with them, apparently more than he does with ours. I just feel...idk how I feel. Sad. Disappointed. I would love to have ONE weekend that we could do something alone. Just us. We have never had one weekend to ourselves, even before we got married. I just know that this isn't working for me anymore. The house and cars are in my name only. I owned them before we got married. He is only listed as an authorized driver on the cars for insurance. He can have the car he drives, I will gladly sign it over to him. Call me selfish, call me a lazy ass, or jealous. I don't care. My kids do not deserve to be treated like shit and ignored because he has a guilt complex over not seeing his older 2 every day. I will speak to him one time about this, tonight. He can stop being a doormat to the older ones or he can go. I'm not going to stay when my kids are being pinched, tripped, have toys taken away and broken, and just being treated like dirt by a 7 and 9 year old that KNOW BETTER. And I'm not going to stay with a man that allows it to happen. Have fun with that, stepmother haters. (especially the couple that tried to find a way to blame me for everything wrong.) And thank you to the few--VERY FEW--that were nice and helpful. I'll be talking to DH in about 20 minutes, he's about to get in the shower now.
UPDATE--If you're going to reply, at least read the edit. I already said I was wrong for wanting to ask him that. Idk if some of you are just skipping it, or are truly illiterate, but for the last time--YES, I WAS WRONG WHEN I WANTED HIM TO SIGN OVER HIS RIGHTS. Happy? I was also doing this thing called VENTING. The ones that say if I wasn't so mean to those kids and didn't treat them like shit...L.O.L. You're wasting your time. I have never treated them badly. From day one. I do not scream, I do not cuss at them, I do not hit them. I did not start treating them like shit when my kids were born. AT ALL. I tried to do even more things for them, so they WOULDN'T feel left out. And no, it was not overnight that they changed. It went from a few things here, to a few things there, to where we're at now.
Now...I talked to DH last night. I told him everything I felt. That it wasn't fair to our 2 for him to outright ignore them every single weekend. To basically act like they're not there. And that I was sick of him excusing the pinching, hitting, tripping, taking away and breaking toys, screaming in my kids' faces...it's not getting better, it's worse. He said that he didn't think it was that bad, and was just sibling rivalry stuff. So I told him to REALLY watch them today (Sunday). To listen and not just brush it off, and to do something about it. See how often he's having to get onto them for it. He also said he understood why I was irritated yesterday morning when he ignored the 2 yr old. And YES DS went to him first, and he just ignored him. I told him that was really shitty of him to do. I said the blatant disrespect has to stop. I'm not their mother, and I'm not trying to take her place. They don't have to like me, but they will respect me in my home. I cannot and will not let my kids think that kid of behavior is ok. I told him that I love him, but him letting them walk on me over and over again has me to the point of leaving. I even told him that if it came down to it, I would sign the car over to him and he could do as he pleased. I said I would never keep our kids from him, but I can't sit back and let them be hurt like this anymore. He said ok. And from this morning until he took them back to their mom's house tonight, he kept a mental note of everything that was going on. After he got back he said he was so sorry, that he didn't realize it was this bad. It was literally every few minutes that he was having to get onto them. He said that he had a small talk with them in the car about how to treat other people, and will talk to them again when he picks them up next weekend.
As for modifying visitation...I told him that he didn't have to change anything, that I would take the kids and go to a friends or my sisters, or my parents house for a weekend, just to get away. He said he would talk to his ex about her keeping them one weekend a month, and us getting them one extra day that week, as many suggested. Considering he's had them every single weekend for the past 5 years, it won't hurt her to spend a weekend a month with her own kids. I love the kids. I do. I was angry and hurt and frustrated when I wrote the first post. I don't like what they've gradually become, but I do love them. And I love my husband. I WANT this to work. I said we should make an appointment for counseling, and he said if that's what I wanted, to do it, to do anything, because he doesn't want us to divorce either. Sooo that's where we're at. I feel better, but kind of apprehensive. I just don't want it to work for a little while and then go back to what it is now, and I don't want to have to remind him to be a father to his youngest kids. That's not right either.
For all the ones asking, btw, his ex and I don't really talk that much. She has her moments every few months where she suddenly feels like we should be BFF's, and will call and be nice. Then she will go back to being her usual self--bossy and very "my way or no way." Oh, and I said it in a reply, but I know most of you aren't going to read through so many. DH doesn't play the X Box that much. He only plays on the weekends, with his oldest 2. He doesn't even touch it during the week. So he's not routinely neglecting everyone for a game. I'll try to answer any new questions as I see them, but this has really blown up and I wanted to address the main questions here.