Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

DH Will Sign His Rights Over or We're Divorcing *EDIT* *UPDATE*

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

DH has 2 kids with his ex. They are 7 and 9. They are absolutely AWFUL. They lie, steal, are disrespectful, they break things on purpose, they torment our 2 year old and 1 year old. He has them every weekend, so we never get any down time with just us. He works Monday - Friday. Meanwhile, BM is raking in child support and going out every weekend because she can. It's bullshit. I hate having them over here. I hate the sounds of their whining voices, always demanding things and then throwing fits when  they don't get it.

Today was the last straw. He picked them up at 7 last night. I went to bed early so I wouldn't have to deal with them. I wake up this morning to my 2 year old wanting breakfast, but DH was too busy on the X Box to make anything. His oldest 2 were sitting there with him,  the 7 year old was playing but the 9 year old wasn't. So why the hell couldn't either DH make breakfast while the 9 year old played, or the 9 year old get the baby a bowl of cereal or something??? There's no excuse for him ignoring his youngest 2 children just because he has THEM over here.

So he will either sign his rights over, or I'm leaving, with our kids. He can pay child support, I don't care. It's a small price to pay to have them out of our lives. If he choses not to sign, then I will take everything in the divorce and he can figure out how to pay child support for 4 kids instead of just 2, while living out of his car.


First, to all the ones that said I should get my lazy ass up and make my own kids breakfast--I DID. I was angry that my 2 year old was ignored when there are other people that could have got him something. Especially when DH had already made the older 2 breakfast, but didn't make anyone else anything because they weren't up yet. I got up at 8:15. That's my idea of sleeping in. I am usually up at 7:30, and when I am, I make EVERYONE breakfast. Just like I make EVERYONE lunch and dinner. I don't pick and choose who to feed. Also, of course I knew he had kids when we got married But they were NOT like this. They weren't perfect but they weren't all out bad, either. This mainly started when our oldest was born. And YES I have tried and tried to involve them, do things with just the 3 of us (me and them) and I never leave them out of anything. They just hate my kids, and I guess hate me for having them. IDK. When we go somewhere (all 6 of us) it's a nightmare. They're constantly picking on my 2, finding ways to make them cry. It's so stressful. I try to keep them all entertained and occupied, but they break almost everything we buy them. We had 2 iPads--one was stepped on and one was thrown in the bathtub. To the certain ones that said iit doesn't matter that my DH ignores the younger ones on the weekends because it's the older ones time with him--bullshit. He works Monday - Friday, he leaves before they get up, and he's home in time to MAYBE spend 15 minutes with them before they go to bed. He spends more time in one day with the others than he does all week with the younger ones. Is it REALLY wrong of me to want him to include our 2 as well? he doesn't have to spend every waking minute with them, but damn.

Anyway, I was angry when I wrote this post. DH took the older 2 to the movies, so my kids and I have had almost the whole day here alone, and it's been very quiet and peaceful. And I have realized that I WAS wrong to want to ask him to give up his older two. He obviously wants to be with them, apparently more than he does with ours. I just feel...idk how I feel. Sad. Disappointed. I would love to have ONE weekend that we could do something alone. Just us. We have never had one weekend to ourselves, even before we got married. I just know that this isn't working for me anymore. The house and cars are in my name only. I owned them before we got married.  He is only listed as an authorized driver on the cars for insurance. He can have the car he drives, I will gladly sign it over to him. Call me selfish, call me a lazy ass, or jealous. I don't care. My kids do not deserve to be treated like shit and ignored because he has a guilt complex over not seeing his older 2 every day. I will speak to him one time about this, tonight. He can stop being a doormat to the older ones or he can go. I'm not going to stay when my kids are being pinched, tripped, have toys taken away and broken, and just being treated like dirt by a 7 and 9 year old that KNOW BETTER. And I'm not going to stay with a man that allows it to happen. Have fun with that, stepmother haters. (especially the couple that tried to find a way to blame me for everything wrong.) And thank you to the few--VERY FEW--that were nice and helpful. I'll be talking to DH in about 20 minutes, he's about to get in the shower now.

UPDATE--If you're going to reply, at least read the edit. I already said I was wrong for wanting to ask him that. Idk if some of you are just skipping it, or are truly illiterate, but for the last time--YES, I WAS WRONG WHEN I WANTED HIM TO SIGN OVER HIS RIGHTS. Happy? I was also doing this thing called VENTING. The ones that say if I wasn't so mean to those kids and didn't treat them like shit...L.O.L. You're wasting your time. I have never treated them badly. From day one. I do not scream, I do not cuss at them, I do not hit them. I did not start treating them like shit when my kids were born. AT ALL. I tried to do even more things for them, so they WOULDN'T feel left out. And no, it was not overnight that they changed. It went from a few things here, to a few things there, to where we're at now.

Now...I talked to DH last night. I told him everything I felt. That it wasn't fair to our 2 for him to outright ignore them every single weekend. To basically act like they're not there. And that I was sick of him excusing the pinching, hitting,  tripping, taking away and breaking toys, screaming in my kids' faces...it's not getting better, it's worse. He said that he didn't think it was that bad, and was just sibling rivalry stuff. So I told him to REALLY watch them today (Sunday). To listen and not just brush it off, and to do something about it. See how often he's having to get onto them for it. He also said he understood why I was irritated yesterday morning when he ignored the 2 yr old. And YES DS went to him first, and he just ignored him. I told him that was really shitty of him to do. I said the blatant disrespect has to stop. I'm not their mother, and I'm not trying to take her place. They don't have to like me, but they will respect me in my home. I cannot and will not let my kids think that kid of behavior is ok. I told him that I love him, but him letting them walk on me over and over again has me to the point of leaving. I even told him that if it came down to it, I would sign the car over to him and he could do as he pleased. I said I would never keep our kids from him, but I can't sit back and let them be hurt like this anymore. He said ok. And from this morning until he took them back to their mom's house tonight, he kept a mental note of everything that was going on. After he got back he said he was so sorry, that he didn't realize it was this bad. It was literally every few minutes that he was having to get onto them. He said that he had a small talk with them in the car about how to treat other people, and will talk to them again when he picks them up next weekend.

As for modifying visitation...I told him that he didn't have to change anything, that I would take the kids and go to a friends or my sisters, or my parents house for a weekend, just to get away. He said he would talk to his ex about her keeping them one weekend a month, and us getting them one extra day that week, as many suggested. Considering he's had them every single weekend for the past 5 years, it won't hurt her to spend a weekend a month with her own kids. I love the kids. I do. I was angry and hurt and frustrated when I wrote the first post. I don't like what they've gradually become, but I do love them. And I love my husband. I WANT this to work. I said we should make an appointment for counseling, and he said if that's what I wanted, to do it, to do anything, because he doesn't want us to divorce either. Sooo that's where we're at. I feel better, but kind of apprehensive. I just don't want it to work for a little while and then go back to what it is now, and I don't want to have to remind him to be a father to his youngest kids. That's not right either.

For all the ones asking, btw, his ex and I don't really talk that much. She has her moments every few months where she suddenly feels like we should be BFF's, and will call and be nice. Then she will go back to being her usual self--bossy and very "my way or no way." Oh, and I said it in a reply, but I know most of you aren't going to read through so many. DH doesn't play the X Box that much. He only plays on the weekends, with his oldest 2. He doesn't even touch it during the week. So he's not routinely neglecting everyone for a game. I'll try to answer any new questions as I see them, but this has really blown up and I wanted to address the main questions here.

Posted by Anonymous on May. 4, 2013 at 3:10 PM
Replies (751-757):
carterscutie85
by Queen Bee on Jun. 6, 2017 at 8:18 AM
1 mom liked this

This is the first time I'm reading this post but wow. I would be pissed and tempted to smash the Xbox if my DH did that. He plays games but he would never ignore our kids for a game.

It sounds like his kids have resentment issues and maybe do not know how to express that so it turns into physical violence. Maybe the younger two are frustrating them but instead of expressing it like a normal person they get angry. Do they have their own space? You need to have them work on their feelings. Ask them things like, what do we do with the mad that we feel? And give them appropriate solutions. It might not seem like the babies are doing much to irritate the older siblings, but they are kids so it's hard to see things from their POV, kwim? It could like I said just be plain old resentment too.

My SD has a diary she can write in, and she has her own room that is completely off limits to the boys unless she invites them. She used to hit, etc out of frustration but we are working on her just taking a deep breath and walking away from the situation, to her room, maybe write what she feels, or do another activity to calm her. She is getting better ever since we implemented that.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 131 on Jun. 6, 2017 at 8:26 AM
You say that you did get up with your two-year-old to make her breakfast the problem was that you were angry that your husband or even his nine-year-old child didn't make your kid breakfast. Your husband was spending time with his children. He doesn't really get that much time with them. I'll bet you when that game was over he probably would have gotten up to get them breakfast. But it was in no way the nine-year-old's responsibility to make your kid breakfast. I kind of see why they're not very well behaved at your house if they're expected to wait on your kid's hand and foot so that you can sleep. Why the heck were you the last one up when you went to bed at 7:30? For another of two young children 815 absolutely is sleeping in. I don't think I've woken up past 7 in years because I've always had a child under 2 years old. That's what happens they get up early. But I can see why they resent your children. Again by the fact that you expected then the nine-year-old would make your kid breakfast. Your husband made his older to breakfast when the younger two were not up. Did you expect him to pourable cereal out for kids who are not even up yet? I can understand why you are angry and I believe that there do need to be rules but you can't expect him to just throw his older to away like trash because they're not fitting into your perfect ideal the family. Remember you are the one who came into their family not the other way around. I really don't know what the solution is. Maybe they need to go to 5050 so that every other weekend y'all will have without the kids. Of course that means you're either going to have to pay for childcare while he's at work or you're going to have to watch them. If you don't want to do that then I mean it's kind of fair if Mom has them during the week and wants Dad to have them during the weekend I think it's fair that he takes them during the weekend. I personally can't imagine giving my school age children up every weekend because I feel like that's not a whole lot of time to spend with them. But I guess that's what they agreed to and you knew that when they got married.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 132 on Jun. 6, 2017 at 8:30 AM
This isn't your first time reading this post. You were arguing with someone within this very post. Go back and read some comments.

Quoting carterscutie85:

This is the first time I'm reading this post but wow. I would be pissed and tempted to smash the Xbox if my DH did that. He plays games but he would never ignore our kids for a game.

It sounds like his kids have resentment issues and maybe do not know how to express that so it turns into physical violence. Maybe the younger two are frustrating them but instead of expressing it like a normal person they get angry. Do they have their own space? You need to have them work on their feelings. Ask them things like, what do we do with the mad that we feel? And give them appropriate solutions. It might not seem like the babies are doing much to irritate the older siblings, but they are kids so it's hard to see things from their POV, kwim? It could like I said just be plain old resentment too.

My SD has a diary she can write in, and she has her own room that is completely off limits to the boys unless she invites them. She used to hit, etc out of frustration but we are working on her just taking a deep breath and walking away from the situation, to her room, maybe write what she feels, or do another activity to calm her. She is getting better ever since we implemented that.

carterscutie85
by Queen Bee on Jun. 6, 2017 at 8:32 AM

Holy crap. I did not realize this post was so old LOL. Of course I'm not gonna remember a random post from 4 years ago!

Quoting Anonymous 132: This isn't your first time reading this post. You were arguing with someone within this very post. Go back and read some comments.
Quoting carterscutie85:
Anonymous
by Anonymous 133 on Jun. 6, 2017 at 8:33 AM
I am not reading all of your Stupid bullshit but you are a horrible nasty ass person. I hope you do divorce and he gets custody of your kids
weeping_angel
by Don't Blink on Jun. 6, 2017 at 8:37 AM
That's hilarious!

Quoting carterscutie85:

Holy crap. I did not realize this post was so old LOL. Of course I'm not gonna remember a random post from 4 years ago!

Quoting Anonymous 132: This isn't your first time reading this post. You were arguing with someone within this very post. Go back and read some comments.

Quoting carterscutie85:
carterscutie85
by Queen Bee on Jun. 6, 2017 at 8:38 AM

So it turns out it was me who bumped it in April but I seriously do not remember bumping it lol. These kids are making me lose my mind!! I went to see who bumped it and saw that it was me under anon. Wtf brain lol. Maybe I was sleeping posting! But then again no idea why I'd search for this post or bump it, I didn't even remember it when it came up recently.

Quoting quinnsmom715:

dont know why this was bumped but ill bite-how are things?


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)