See what CafeMoms are saying about saving time this holiday season..
For 3 years I had XH and I children by myself when we divorced. He never paid CS or anything and I didn't complain about it much, I just did what I had to do to make ends meet and take care of my children. I started dating again, met a wonderful man that helps me take care of my children and stepped in where their father was lacking. DF and I are getting married in 3 months.
This school year XH finally decided to do something after FOUR YEARS of almost nothing. He would come get the kids every couple of months because it was "too far" away because I moved an hour away from him. He asked if he could take the kids for the school year. I hesitated, but I agreed. I get them every other weekend and buy EVERYTHING they need. Take them to all of their doctor's appointments, buy all of their clothes, school supplies, EVERYTHING. I get paid every 2 weeks and everything they need comes before even paying bills. If the cable gets cut off for a week because they need something, so fucking be it, we will live.
Fast forward to January of this year....XH gets a new girlfriend and moves her in almost immediately. I didn't say anything because I didn't feel I had the right to because I live with DF. I just told XH to make sure she doesn't mistreat my children.
WELL....everything seemed fine for a little while until I went to pick up my children yesterday. The girlfriend CUT my daughter's hair! I didn't say anything, but when DD6 got in the car I asked her why she decided to cut her hair. She said she didn't want to, but Ms.***** made her do it because she said that since she is the one RAISING her now that she has to cut her hair because she is tired of having to brush her long, curly hair. I didn't say anything, I just told DD it will grow back out over the summer when they come home. WELL...when we get home, my oldest DS13 tells me that she won't let him go to his friends house anymore to play video games on the weekends because he needs to spend more "family time" with her and her kids because that kind of behavior (going to play video games at a friends house) only leads to drug abuse and before you know it he will be smoking pot and hooked on crack by the time he is 15. WTF?!She also told him that from now on I had to have them back by noon on Sundays because I am cutting into HER family time and she has the right to do that since she is "the one raising them now".
First of all, woman, you have only been in the picture for just over THREE MONTHS. MY kids are NOT your family. I have taught my children to respect EVERYONE, but right now it is really hard not to tell my children to tell her to shove it up her ass! And they will be home at 7pm Sunday, just like it has been EVERY Sunday. She even told them she wants XH to take me back to court since I am a "dead beat mother". WTF BITCH! I raised those kids for 3 years damn near by myself without the help of your "amazing boyfriend".
I can't wait....just 15 more days before school is out and MY KIDS will be back home with ME and I will tell that BITCH to FUCK OFF!!!!
I have sole custody with visitation at my discretion because he never made it to a court date. It isn't what I asked for, but since he never showed up that is what the judge awarded me with.
I have tried not to hold it against him for not previously being as much of a father as he should have been because he was suffering from severe depression and I went through some pretty bad PPD myself so I was sympathetic. He finally got help and started going to therapy and they found a medicine that works very well for him and he began coming around more. He wanted them for the school year so he could try to make up for lost time. Originally, I had agreed to just until Christmas, but then they started testing DD for accelerated classes with the possibility of skipping a grade and I thought it would be much better to finish her IEP there and have it transferred instead of moving her here and having to restart the entire process. It was finally finished in February and since it is a great school district anyway, we discussed letting them stay until the end of the school year. My decision may not be a popular one, but I was doing what I thought was best for the relationship between the kids and their father and I didn't think it would be good for the kids to take them out of school in February to only go to school here for the last 3 months.
The kids are very happy that their father decided to become a bigger part of their lives, but they are more than ready to come back home for good now and see him on weekends and holidays.
Also, I just got off the phone with XH. He says he is NOT taking me back to court at all. He says he was aware that his girlfriend was saying something about wanting to take me back to court for custody, but it was not a discussion she had with him, it was a discussion she had with XMIL who always hated me anyway, which is probably where she is hearing all the bad stuff about me from. He also said he is discussing what his girlfriend said to the kids with her. He said that she had called him at work and told him that DD told her she WANTED to get her hair cut so she told her she could take her to get it cut. He was not aware until just now that it was not DDs idea to get her hair cut. He was also not aware that she told my son he was going to become a drug addict because he likes to play video games with his friends. He is very upset about that right now and plans to do something about it.
My decision may not have been a popular one, but it doesn't mean I love my children any less. It was one of the hardest decisions I ever made in my life and I cried for days when they left and STILL cry and get depressed when they are not here. The only decision I have made that was harder than this one was the one that took my mother off of life support. If you can't understand that, then think what you will about me. You are people from the internet that I can turn off at any given moment.
***The children will be living with me full time from now on as soon as school lets out for the summer. They will return there for visitation only, and only if he gets his GF under control and she understands that she is not even the stepmother and needs to stay out of decisions that are made about the children between me and their father. After they have been together for a substantial amount of time, then maybe we could talk about including her in some decision making. They have only been together 3 months, they need to be more stable before she thinks she can just step in all of a sudden.