I absolutely adore my kids. I waited to have them until I was married and financially ready and they were planned. I loved being pregnant and I loved delivering. But the minute I got home with my kids (they are boy/girl twins - trust me, once I realized I hated being a mother I got my tubes tied) I realized that this was not what I imagined at all.
People told me it would get better. My kids are eleven now. As puberty sets in, it's only getting worse. Every stage was awful in its own way. I don't feel resentful of my kids - mostly just guilty that I never enjoyed playing with them or teaching them things or their milestones. I don't think anyone knows I feel like that and I think I'm a good mother. But I hate everything about it. I hated potty training, teaching to read, teaching to tie shoes, weaning, sleep training, teaching math, clothes shopping, PTA, chaperoning field trips - everything! The only thing that gave me joy were their independent milestones, like first smile, first word, first steps.
I am NOT depressed. I do NOT have any mental issues. I was tested and preliminarily treated for PPD - I never had it. My children are a bit of a handful but are good kids. This is nobody's fault. It just makes me sad.