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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Is it parenting or coddling?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 18 Replies
I have a new baby and a daughter who is almost 5 and a step son who is 3 in a month. I feel like my SS is reverting to act like a baby since the new baby is here. He asks to be carried like the baby. Or wants to sit in my lap when I'm holding the baby. He does not want to use the toilet he asks for a pull up but calls them diapers. He just woke up and started whining for juice like the baby does. He calls himself the baby and try's to steal all the attention. I looked up what to do about him and it's like they say things like "if they ask for a bottle or diaper you might want to give them one until they feel secure." I refuse to support his desire to revert. I love him and I tend to him and we play and he is happy. Why do I read these new outlooks on parenting and it just seems like ways to spoil and coddle your child not raise them to be a independent person.

I had a BF who's mothers style of parenting was to coddle (like if he had a freak out as a kid over wanting a toy she would either hug and love all over him or give him candy to stop crying or just buy it.) he was the worst person I ever dated he was incapable of independence and struggled to live alone. In fact her 32 year old daughter still lives with her. And the 32 year old treated her like shit and so did her son. And she would just let them, because they are just her babies acting out. I say punish them and make that 32 year old move out.. Punish does not mean spank all the time btw. I'm just saying if your kids freaking out over a toy you don't give them cuddles you tell them no and find a way to let them know that behavior is no acceptable.

What do you think? Also maybe advice on my SS?
Posted by Anonymous on May. 5, 2013 at 6:39 AM
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Replies (1-10):
FiestyClark
by on May. 5, 2013 at 6:42 AM
1 mom liked this

I would probably try to emphasize that diapers are for babies, not big boys!  Make being  a big boy sound exciting! Point out all the things he can do as a big boy that the baby can't

wickedfiress
by Platinum Member on May. 5, 2013 at 6:42 AM
1 mom liked this
This is perfectly normal for older siblings to do.

I just had my daughter help with her brother, she got tired of that fast and became a BIG girl again.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 5, 2013 at 6:44 AM
Idk. I feel like addressing emotional needs and problems isn't spoiling, whereas giving in to tantrums and buying them material things is. I actually read a study recently that said something about how addressing emotional needs at a young age can make them more independent when they get older, because they feel more secure and aren't scared of rejection.

I don't really think you're doing anything wrong. Personally I would give my kids a bottle or diaper if that's what they asked for, but that's me and my kids. It's not like you'll ruin SS by not giving in, just remember you probably won't ruin him by giving in on this, either.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 5, 2013 at 6:46 AM
1 mom liked this
In this day and age it's all about treating the child comfortable rather then confront their behavior... If we yell or are too stern, we're bein verbally abusive... If we smack their hand for doing something they were told a million times not to do, we're horrible and lazy. It's all about taking the easy route to avoid actual parenting.

I say give attention when they deserve it but do not give in to his regression. Try to get him to do "big boy" things, praise him and mention how little babies cannot do the same things like big boys.
mommyof11050307
by Platinum Member on May. 5, 2013 at 6:49 AM
It's very normal for younger kids to do this. It has nothing to do with coddling a child. You have to understand he was the baby of the family and now he has to compete for attention in his mind. My son was 17 months when I had my daughter. He would steal her binkies even though he's never used them.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 5, 2013 at 6:54 AM
I can see your point and I can also say there has to be studies out there that both suppose and don't support that theory. Mostly because they always has someone whom agreed and someone who opposed. But just as it can cause them to be afraid of rejection which I think is normal the fear of rejection. No one wants to be rejected but it's a normal part of life. I feel like giving in will make him not be able to handle rejection when he is older.

Quoting Anonymous:

Idk. I feel like addressing emotional needs and problems isn't spoiling, whereas giving in to tantrums and buying them material things is. I actually read a study recently that said something about how addressing emotional needs at a young age can make them more independent when they get older, because they feel more secure and aren't scared of rejection.



I don't really think you're doing anything wrong. Personally I would give my kids a bottle or diaper if that's what they asked for, but that's me and my kids. It's not like you'll ruin SS by not giving in, just remember you probably won't ruin him by giving in on this, either.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 5, 2013 at 6:55 AM
And see how the fear of rejection can cause him to not try something or could hold him back in life.

Quoting Anonymous:

I can see your point and I can also say there has to be studies out there that both suppose and don't support that theory. Mostly because they always has someone whom agreed and someone who opposed. But just as it can cause them to be afraid of rejection which I think is normal the fear of rejection. No one wants to be rejected but it's a normal part of life. I feel like giving in will make him not be able to handle rejection when he is older.



Quoting Anonymous:

Idk. I feel like addressing emotional needs and problems isn't spoiling, whereas giving in to tantrums and buying them material things is. I actually read a study recently that said something about how addressing emotional needs at a young age can make them more independent when they get older, because they feel more secure and aren't scared of rejection.





I don't really think you're doing anything wrong. Personally I would give my kids a bottle or diaper if that's what they asked for, but that's me and my kids. It's not like you'll ruin SS by not giving in, just remember you probably won't ruin him by giving in on this, either.
LilyofPhilly
by Platinum Member on May. 5, 2013 at 6:58 AM
I completely agree. Giving the child a diaper or a bottles is insane! He needs attention for being himself, not an overgrown baby! Someone should be taking him to the playground and empgasizing how great it is to be a bug boy.
stacyemmy
by on May. 5, 2013 at 6:58 AM

 I would let him revert. I would explain to him that he is going to be a big 3 year old now and he needs to use the potty..make it sound fun and exciting like its special and he'll want to do it. I will say that my son was not even interested in potty training til he was over 3. But once he was interested he just used the potty no problem. It was like a switch he went from refusing to use the toilet at all one day to being totally potty trained the next.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on May. 5, 2013 at 6:58 AM
Totally normal! He just wants to be assured you're not replacing him. Encourage big boy behavior but be sensitive to the new adjustment.
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