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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I do not want my son to marry an American girl

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 365 Replies
I will probably regret posting but I need to get this out.

My family is from india. We were all born and raised there then moved to America 9 years ago. It is tradition that we do arranged marriages in our family. Or at the very least they marry someone from another Indian family.

We do this because family is so important to us and we want to make sure that our children marry someone who we know comes from a good family. Well my 17 year old is being a little rebellious.

He likes an American girl. There is nothing wrong with American girls. We love America but it is important that he marries an Indian because we know most Indians in the area or at least know someone who know them. So many problems could come up later if he marries an American girl. It has me scared for the future of our family.

Thank you for letting me vent and please offer any advice you can. Try not to bash. I know many do not understand.



Just wanted to edit to clarify. Thank you for all the surprisingly great replies. Some aren't what I want to hear but that's okay.

I would like to say that I did NOT say American girls are not good enough. It is about the unknowing. We know most of the Indian families around here. We know what kind of families our kids are joining when they marry other Indians. We have no way of knowing the families who are not Indian. Especially since its more common in America to cover up the bad secrets. I don't mean that in a bad way but its true. When I was talking to a girl at my work about she laughed and said "I'm the opposite! I want my husbands family to know as little about my family as possible" she was joking around but I know she was a little serious.
Posted by Anonymous on May. 5, 2013 at 9:51 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 5, 2013 at 9:53 PM
Bump
TheDoctorsWife
by on May. 5, 2013 at 9:54 PM
I don't think that's an uncommon want for immigrants.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 5, 2013 at 9:54 PM
57 moms liked this

I understand where you are coming from, but unfortunately if we posted we only wanted our children to marry a white American we would be considered racist.  It's amazing how so many things are ok for one culture but not for white America. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 5, 2013 at 9:56 PM
It is hard. Im realizing that with my ds. He wants to marry out of our race. We are returning to our country at the end of this year. Some people do not get how important our traditions are to us..
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on May. 5, 2013 at 9:57 PM
1 mom liked this
I think we all want our children to marry someone we approve of, whatever that is to us. I don't blame you for being any different. Has he talked about marriage? Do you have an arranged marriage set up?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on May. 5, 2013 at 9:57 PM

It is okay.  You cannot help who you love, though.  He is only 17, he might (probably will) move on.  After this relationship fizzles, maybe talk to him about the importance of marrying within your culture?  There are a lot of pros to it.  

marinequeen
by on May. 5, 2013 at 9:58 PM

I do understand, we have friends from India and they can have fun but when it comes to marriage it is all serious.  One young man had fun but went back and got married, this is not unheard of so I guess that in my mind it is the way it is and how the traditions hold.

shadow_lark
by Gold Member on May. 5, 2013 at 9:59 PM
4 moms liked this
Is he aware of how important this is to you? If not, now would be a good time for a heart to heart with him. Beyond that though, I can't offer any helpful advice. I strongly believe that one should be able to marry the one they love, regardless of color, culture etc....and forcing him to marry someone he doesn't wish yo be attached to is just going to open the door for resentment.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on May. 5, 2013 at 9:59 PM
4 moms liked this
I'm a white American. Unless you can find a tradition in "white" American, I think your argument is invalid.

Quoting Anonymous:

I understand where you are coming from, but unfortunately if we posted we only wanted our children to marry a white American we would be considered racist.  It's amazing how so many things are ok for one culture but not for white America. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on May. 5, 2013 at 9:59 PM
14 moms liked this

Its a shame you do not support him marrying the person he loves :(

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