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Friend just dropped a HUGE bomb tonight!!! **POST DATE UPDATE**

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 

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ok so little back story, i have been friends with this guy we will call him F, for about 6 months now, and we have been just friends.... well for the last two months I have been dating (not officially) this guy we will call him S, well S is still not over his ex girlfriend, so he doesnt want to commit yet, although he tells me he loves me and we are basically a couple.... well tonight I get a text from F, he wants to know if he can come over to talk to me, I told him sure, no problem... 

He got here, and he told me we needed to talk alone... well I took him into the other room, and we talked, he told me he was nervous about what he had to say, i told him i was too but just to get on with it lol, he said "well i have something to break the ice first" and (being naive) I said "whats that?" he grabbed me and kissed me..... AKWARD!!! I have liked him for the longest time, but we have been just friends... well after that he told me he is PCS'ing with the military at the end of the year, and told me he wanted to take someone with him, so he told me to pack my bags... I laughed thinking he was just kidding, he said "No, you dont understand, Im not kidding, I want you to be my partner in all of this, I have had you as an amazing friend the last few months, and I want more, I want you as my wife."

WTF?????????????

I was NOT expecting this!!!! So now I have to choose!!! Im soooo lost! I dont know if I am venting or asking advice or what I want out of this... 

Oh and in advance YES I told S about F kissing me, S said its whatever, we arent exclusive so do whatever you want. and No I didnt tell S about F asking me to go with him....


**UPDATE**  I decided that im breaking things off with S tonight, and afterwards im going to tell F that yes I want a relationship with him and see where it goes. :) 

*EDIT* For all the women asking, no I dont have any biological children, I raised my ex's son from the day he was born, he is 5 now, we live in different states, but he is still my son, we talk all the time, and I have visitation, if I move with F I will actually be closer to him, although that is not a deciding factor in whether or not I go.... So to answer your question, no there are no kids that are going to be affected by this, both S and F have no biological kids, and neither do I. Even though I consider myself an adoptive mom :)


**UPDATE 2** So S called me back finally... after I texted him that we needed to talk tonight... He called, and just pretended like everything was fine, I told him we needed to talk, and can you please come over tonight? He said no, we can just talk this weekend... I told him it was important and didnt want to do it over the phone but we could, he said no... Im pretty sure he knows what is coming, and just doenst want to talk about it... Ugh :/ So I told him that I want to give F a chance, and that I deserved better than being a second choice... he got really quiet and said to wait before making a decision, and that he would call me back in a few minutes.... That was half an hour ago..... :/ We will see how this goes....


**UPDATE 2 and a half** So... S never called back... he SHOWED UP AT MY HOUSE!!!! he brought flowers, and was trying to be so sweet, told me he loved me, and was over his ex, and he wanted me and only me :/ I told him I didnt want to hear it, and that I wanted him to leave... he dropped down and proposed on my front porch.... he PROPOSED!! the guy who didnt want to make us dating into an official relationship because he wasnt over his ex... what the heck?? I told him no, and told him to please leave, he told me to think about it and had the saddest look ive ever seen... i KNOW he is just doing this to get to me 0.O Im trying to stay strong and not let it get to me but its soooo flippin hard! F is supposed to be coming over when he gets done at the range tonight... I will update after that conversation... Urgh :/

Quick Update- F didnt get done at range until late last night, so we are going to try and talk tonight if he gets back in time :) As soon as we talk I will update again :) He did ask me what I wanted to talk to him about, I told him that I had made my decision, but wanted to talk about it with him in person :D

Mini Update- F is on his way over so we can talk!! I will update as SOON as he leaves :) EEP! Im soo nervous and excited all at the same time lol


**UPDATE 3** So F just left :) He has to be up in 3 hrs :( So anyway... He came over, and we went to talk... First thing he said was "I just want you to know I will wait for your answer, you dont have to rush anything, I dont want you to feel like I am pushing you into something you dont want to do." I laughed, and told him I already made up my mind, I told him what S did, and so F said "Well I understand if you choose him, I should have told you how I felt earlier." So.... I leaned over and kissed him.... (omg! I NEVER do that lol) After the kiss he kind of pulled back a little, with this shocked expression, and so I asked him "Is that enough of an answer for you?" He got the cutest little grin, and said "So does this mean you're coming with me?" So then we talked in detail, I told him that I wanted to start a relationship with him, and when it gets closer to the time he leaves we will reevaluate things, but I told him I didnt want to rush into moving together, and especially didnt want to rush into marriage. So things are great between us :) I felt so bad because he was tired, he has range until Thursday :( Poor guy is exhausted... But any way, that is my update :) Things are great! He asked me if I would go on our first official date Friday (since he only works a half day and can catch up on sleep in the afternoon lol) Im sooo excited! Im still all giggly, and butterflies and just AHH!! I cant explain it :)

**POST DATE UPDATE**

So my date was AMAZING!! He showed up and brought flowers

Then he took me out to this place called Tuscanos, its this brazilian grill place, its my favorite restaurant :) After dinner, it was storming, and I LOVE thunderstorms, well he drove to this park, by the lake (river thing? idk it was water lol!) and we walked around in the rain, and just talked :) It was amazing :) Afterwards he drove me home, and walked me to the door, he said "Ok, this is how I should have done it the first time we kissed." And leaned in and gave me the most wonderful earth spinning kiss. Then he said asked me if we could go out again tomorrow, of course I said yes :) and then he went home.... I am on cloud 9 :D

Posted by Anonymous on May. 6, 2013 at 1:34 AM
Replies (41-50):
moosesmom
by Ruby Member on May. 6, 2013 at 1:51 AM
Oh you don't need to tell me. I've lived that life. But what I'm saying is all marriages regardless of your spouse's occupation require everything you previous listed. And it's seriously not all that bad. Are there extra challenges? For sure!! But it's what you and your family make of it. Don't you agree?

Quoting Anonymous:Marrying a man in the military is different....I promise you...I was with my now husband for 7 years before we got married....two months later we had to move overseas!! Only for a few years though, it is a different challenge, her kids will be uprooted, she will have to give up a lot..
Quoting moosesmom:I'm confused. I thought all marriages required hard work, love, trust, understanding and so on...

OP try dating first but don't pick and move the kids so soon. Good luck.

Quoting Anonymous:do NOT marry this soldier!!!! Are you kidding?!!?! Military marriages are HARD WORK...not to mention moving your kids around, etc....It isn't something you do just to not be lonely.......It will NEVER work unless there is LOVE....TRUST....UNDERSTANDING....COMITTMENT..... ugh
Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on May. 6, 2013 at 1:51 AM
2 moms liked this
My relationship with my DH started similarly to your relationship with f, though we knew each other for years before he kissed me. I was caught completely off guard by his kids that I avoided him for a week. I missed him terribly during that week and we moved in together immediately. This Sept it will be our 20 yr anniversary of that kiss.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 6, 2013 at 1:51 AM

I guess I did.... Thank you for pointing that out :) I guess I know what my answer is going to be.... Im definitely not up for marriage yet lol, but just thinking about a relationship with him I cant stop smiling lol

Quoting cjsix:

 I think right here you kind of answered your question....S isn't over his x and until he is he will never be ready to completely commit to you or anyone else. You also said you kind of want to start something with F and see where it goes...this tells me you should let S go and see how things go with F. Friendship is a wonderful way to start a relationship and later a marriage. Go for it!

Quoting Anonymous:

Lol, while I definitely agree friendship is the most important thing, and I HATE that S still isnt over his x, I have such an amazing time with S, I just dont know.... I kinda want to start up something with F and see what happens, but that means being completely done with S, I refuse to date two guys at once, IDK I am just lost lol

Quoting EachNewBreath:

GO F!

Friendship is so important! That is what makes marriage sweet. 

Dump this lose S who still has X issues. 

GO FO GO F GO F!!!!!!!!!!!!


 


wickedfiress
by Platinum Member on May. 6, 2013 at 1:51 AM

Have you even dated this "F" ?

I wouldn't be packing up and moving with (and marrying?!) some guy who hasn't even asked me out on an actual date.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on May. 6, 2013 at 1:52 AM
Whatever you do, dump S now. He's only interested in sex.

Dump S
Date F and see where things go. If you decide to marry and move with him, congrats!!!
TeamTARDIS
by on May. 6, 2013 at 1:52 AM
Go with F. S is stringing you along. He is not over his ex but he loves you but he doesn't want to commit? Yeah he is playing you like a fiddle!
Go F!
Mrs.Burke11
by on May. 6, 2013 at 1:54 AM
Dump the guy who is hung up on his ex and choose the guy who is hung up on you.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on May. 6, 2013 at 1:54 AM
1 mom liked this

EVERYONE is different....I promise you...


Military life came very easy to me. As a child, i never became anxious or upset over moves, or if my father was deployed. 

And when i married my husband (ironically, one of the grunts that served under my dad, funny story that one, he panicked when he found out who my dad was almost broke up with me)

i am very happy with this life. and it was NOT difficult for me to accept that he has to be apart from me, or that we have to up and move within days notice far away. (which has happened before. once we had 3 days to pack up because we had to be at his next station. 


dont assume its hard for ALL of us. its not. 


Quoting Anonymous:


Marrying a man in the military is different....I promise you...I was with my now husband for 7 years before we got married....two months later we had to move overseas!! Only for a few years though, it is a different challenge, her kids will be uprooted, she will have to give up a lot..

Quoting moosesmom:

I'm confused. I thought all marriages required hard work, love, trust, understanding and so on...

OP try dating first but don't pick and move the kids so soon. Good luck.


Quoting Anonymous:

do NOT marry this soldier!!!! Are you kidding?!!?! Military marriages are HARD WORK...not to mention moving your kids around, etc....It isn't something you do just to not be lonely.......It will NEVER work unless there is LOVE....TRUST....UNDERSTANDING....COMITTMENT..... ugh




Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on May. 6, 2013 at 1:54 AM
Um, it's ok to be single! They both sound like they have issues, different issues but issues none the less.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 6, 2013 at 1:56 AM

Lol, I already told him I would think about it and let him know, but that if I decided to be in a relationship with him he needed to get my fathers blessing first, and that yes I would expect a proper proposal, he laughed and told me he planned on it :)

Quoting Anonymous:

S sounds like an asshat. Don't be his 2nd choice. If his ex comes back, you'll be dropped like a hot potato. It doesn't sound like you are all that into him either. If you liked F before, give it a shot and see where it goes. Tell him you want to try dating before you agree to go with him. And you expect a proper proposal lol.


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