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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

The potential adoptive parents are being really pushy and I am having second thoughts. update

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
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37 moms liked this

I am 27 weeks pregnant with a little girl. I have been considering adoption and working with an agency. I have picked out a couple to adopt the baby in the event that I do choose adoption. I have been honest with them from the get go that I plan to let them adopt the baby but as this is my first child, I don't know how I will feel when I have her.

I started looking into adoption because while I could afford to take care of her, I worry about her being raised by only one parent. Her father has stated that he will have nothing to do with her. He moved and I have no idea where he is. At the same time, I think about all the support I have, my parents, sisters, brother and friends and I think I probably could do it.

At the same time, the potential adoptive parents (PAP) have been really pushy, they have mentioned about being in the delivery room and how they have talked to the hospital about getting their own room to have the baby in while in the hospital (which apparently the hospital does do, for a fee) but they never even talked to me about it. They know that nothing is final yet I feel like they are trying to make me feel like the decsion has already been made, like the baby is already theirs and she isn't. It just feels really disrespectful. They have been through 2 other failed attempts to adopt so maybe they are just hoping I do go through with the adoption but it rubs me the wrong way.

Even if I do give the baby up for adoption, I don't want them in the delivery room and I will want to spend the 2 days in the hospital with the baby.

For the record, they haven't given me anything besides meeting for a few meals together that they paid for. They have not paid my medical expenses, I have insurance and have paid the co payments. The agreement is if the adoption is final, they will then pay me back for all my medical.

Like I said, I am really feeling like I should keep the baby. If I do, how do I go about telling them? Do I tell the agency and they tell them or should I tell them?

update

I just logged back on to find that this post has be featured saying "backtracking on her adoption decision". I do NOT appreciate that. I am not backtracking and I haven't changed my mind. I told the PAP and the adoption agency that I was not 100% sure I would go through with the adoption. I chose the parents but it was specifically said that they are the people I choose IF I choose to go through with the adoption. This is the attitude I hate about adoption in this county. The second a woman looks into adoption she is treated like the baby is already someone else's, as the PAPs did. And if she decides not to adopt she is treated as though she is going back on her word or something. 

After talking with my mom I have decided to keep my baby. I will be calling the agency in the morning since I it already after 5 and they will be closed.

Posted by Anonymous on May. 6, 2013 at 11:37 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 6, 2013 at 11:37 AM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 6, 2013 at 11:38 AM
4 moms liked this
Tell the agency
nalleluda30
by Silver Member on May. 6, 2013 at 11:38 AM
6 moms liked this
Just go with your gut, best of luck.♡
time_warp
by on May. 6, 2013 at 11:39 AM
8 moms liked this
If you want to keep the baby, I would tell them ASAP. I think you tell the agency.
MamaTurney
by on May. 6, 2013 at 11:39 AM
19 moms liked this
If they are that pushy, I'd go through the agency and cut off contact.
OwlNuggets
by HAIL NUGGY! on May. 6, 2013 at 11:39 AM
20 moms liked this

This is very common and I'm surprised the agency hasn't counseled them on how to deal with birth mothers so they don't scare them away!

Tell the agency, they do the rest of the work.

hp2011
by Ruby Member on May. 6, 2013 at 11:40 AM
Tell the agency
Aslen
by Ruby Member on May. 6, 2013 at 11:40 AM
1 mom liked this
It's not up to you. Speak with the adoption counselor and let them know what's going on. They should put a stop to it and quick! If they don't, see about another agency, or walk away
lovemyhoney19
by Gold Member on May. 6, 2013 at 11:40 AM
38 moms liked this
Tough situation. I guess I can understand their excitement and their fear but yes they are coming off very pushy. Remember that it is your baby and you should feel no guilt if you decide to keep her. You can raise this little girl and do great at it if you really want to. Whatever happens I wish you luck and strength.
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Talienas
by Platinum Member on May. 6, 2013 at 11:40 AM
2 moms liked this
How old are you? I'm just curious.
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