Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Is this really an affair? *Interesting update!*

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post



Question: Is it an affair?




Legally yes, but I think no.

Legally no, but I think yes.


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 1066

View Results

Having a relationship while your divorce is pending.

My friend (who is dating a still legally married man) says no.  I think it kind of is.  And I believe it is legally considered an affair and can affect the legal proceedings of the divorce (True?  False?).  


The boyfriend told his wife (who is contesting the divorce and wants to pursue counseling to make their marriage work and keep their family together) about his relationship with my friend 10 days ago.  She told me about the wife for the first time last week.  He sent her a text message this morning breaking off the relationship.  No reason.  Just "not going to work".  Last week, he was telling her that he wants to marry her when his divorce is final.

I wonder if the wife threatened to out him to the judge?  Or if he is going back to her?  I cannot believe that just what I was worried about could very well be happening!  I'm so sorry for my friend.  Mind=Blown.

Posted by Anonymous on May. 6, 2013 at 4:25 PM
Replies (381-389):
by Anonymous 74 on May. 9, 2013 at 5:47 AM

Quoting momof2boy2girl:

My husband (that I started dating while waiting on the divorce) is adopting my children. My ex has not tried to contact them at all, except for two letters he sent after the adoption started. For over three years, nothing. And he has only been in prison for a little over a year now. He was out during two Christmas seasons and several birthdays. Never once did he send a card or gift or leave anything with a family member. In fact, when he ran into my sister, he went on about his new girlfriend, asked about my niece and nephew, but NEVER asked about my kids. He also quit his job after child support was ordered through the state. The person I divorced and the person I originally met seem like two different people.

Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting momof2boy2girl:

Ouch. My ex was abusive and wanted to make things as difficult as possible. He swore up and down that we could work things out, but I was DONE. He wanted 50/50 custody so he wouldn't have to pay child support (his words) but had no job and no place to stay. He tried to rape me eight months after I left him. He is now in prison. My lawyer had me stop asking for court dates until he was sentenced because he kept asking for continuances so he could hire his lawyer (that he probably never intended to hire). All told, it took nearly 2 1/2 years for my divorce to finally be over.

He had confessed to the attempted rape, but tried to talk his way out of it during the trial (saying that when he wrote that "I did try to force my wife to have sex with me" that it meant he tried to force me only by begging and pleading). The bruises on my body, ripped out hair and rug burns on my back told the jury everything they needed to know and he was found guilty and sentenced to six years (I wish he could have recieved the max, but they don't usually do that to first time offenders). The worst of it is that my then 4 year old daughter walked in on it. That is what temporarily stopped him long enough for me to get away and get to my phone to call for help. He broke into the room I had locked myself and the kids in and continued the assualt until the police finally arrived.

Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting momof2boy2girl:

I said, if it is mutually wanted, the fees here are only $600 (court costs and all for a quickie divorce). I know how expensive it can be if it is drug out, though.

Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting momof2boy2girl:

That has nothing to do with my answer to the previous person. I was dating my now husband 11 months after starting the divorce process with my ex. I know it can drag out for a long time. Mine took over two years. I was just saying that if a divorce is mutually wanted and they agree to everything but can't afford the $600 to get it done, they probably shouldn't waste money on dating.
I am well aware on how long it can drag on even after everything is paid for.

Quoting amanda_mom89:

Sometimes its not about affording it. My aunt has paid for hers. She filed a year ago and still isn't divorced. Probably won't be for several more months at least.

Quoting momof2boy2girl:

Granted, I do agree somewhat that you probably shouldn't be dating if you can't afford to divorce (pending some extenuating circumstances). You can get a divorce fairly cheap if it is mutual and it would only take a few months if saving for it.

Quoting Anonymous:

Haha.  Apparently.

A lot of people seem to be claiming that it took years for them to afford it.  It kind of seems like if you can't afford to end your relationship you can't afford a new one.

Quoting lilyismyheart:

Wow do divorces take so long that folks cant keep it in theirs pants til its final?

$600? My Lawyers fees alone were 20K. It gets expensive if agreements can't be reached. 

Oh we both wanted to be divorced. It was custody issues that caused ALL Of the costs. The property division was simple we agreed to split the cars 2 to him and 2 to me. I had already taken the furniture and stuff I wanted when I moved out. Selling the house and splitting that was no issue either. It was entirely child custody and visitation. The agreement we eventually signed was EXACTLY the first one my Lawyer had made.

I had to pay for a guardian ad litum for each kid...

My ex never laid a hand on me-because he KNEW I would fucking shoot him-and only I had the combination to the safe.  He wasn't allowed to come to the house I rented.  I am pretty sure he knew where it was, but he never came there.  He wasn't allowed in the house I purchased either-he had no visitation with my oldest AT all. Hasn't laid eyes on her since 2004.

Oh my ex has no visitation  on the oldest. He pays his child support for all 4 kids though. On time. He works for the state, and even having a garnishment order on his check could hurt his chances of promotion.  He would never give up his rights, even though the other 3 kids seldom see him.  Then he wouldn't be able to say what a great Dad he is, inspite of living 2 miles away from his children and never seeing older son (who is 16 and can drive) hasn't seen his Dad (by his choice) since he was 13. The youngest in 2 years, and my younger daughter who is 20 sees him occasionally.

by Gold Member on May. 9, 2013 at 6:53 PM CAN affect the proceedings.

by on May. 10, 2013 at 11:03 AM

It depends on what state you live in. Some states say as long as divorce has been filed then you're good. MOST say it is legally an affair until the day the divorce is final, and can be used against you. Always good to know the laws of you own state I suppose.

by Anonymous 77 on May. 10, 2013 at 12:33 PM

my hubby and i split up in janurary, just figued we werent friends anymore, which was very important to us, so we started marriage counseling to fix our friendship, he went to two sessions then started picking fights w me over every little thing, after 2 months of dealing w all this crap and never once looking at another man, he tells me hes moving out due to all the fighting. ( after 20 years of being together and me thinking we had a pretty damn good relationship)  for weeks i still held on and hoped we would fix it, then he tells me i dont love you, thats why i moved out.  so i went out a got a friend w benefits. its not cheatng, im w one man, that makes me feel wanted and cared for, when my husband, who shouldve always been there to make me feel that way, isnt. and hubby knows about it, i think thats the difference here. im not hiding anything which i think makes it not feel wrong to me.  

by on May. 11, 2013 at 10:46 PM
1 mom liked this

I believe it is considered an affair and I think that for those who say it isn't are justt trying to justify why they were dating someone who was already married.      Your friend should have waited until the divorce was completely finished and done with, then wait a few months and really think things through before getting involved with that man.   

by on May. 13, 2013 at 1:33 PM

 You are so pathetic...NO it is not.

Quoting Anonymous:

If you're married and bonking someone else you're a cheating whore, period.


by on May. 17, 2013 at 8:08 PM

It depends If its because you are going though a divorce because of them yes, But if you already filed and its not though completely yet no. I met a nice man and my husband was cheating on me and I filed for divorce and I met this guy 2 months before my divorce was final I dont considered that cheating because he already had left me for someone and we weren't  going back together. I guess its how you look at things

by Anonymous 78 on Jun. 1, 2013 at 6:50 AM
1 mom liked this

Affair.  If you aren't free to  marry, you aren't free to date (or anything else)!!!

by Ruby Member on Jun. 1, 2013 at 9:36 AM

It is an affair, but divorce is no fault in just about every state now, and if the affair wasn't the reason for the divorce proceedings to begin (if the divorce was already filed before he met this woman), then it's not going to affect the outcome.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)