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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

cant get my bf to wife me

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
We have been together for four years now and share a son. We have been living together for two years. we love each other deeply, and talk about marriage frequently but he says he isn't ready because he doesn't have the financial stability. I'm like we live together now and are struggling together now, so what's the difference. I really don't wanna wait much longer idk what to do.
Posted by Anonymous on May. 7, 2013 at 11:38 AM
Replies (81-86):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 20 on May. 7, 2013 at 3:28 PM
So they should just never get married because they already have a kid? I understand the statistics. But I think she should be protected by marriage. If everything was hers he would be just as protected. If they are already working as a team and a family unit there is nothing wrong with protecting that. Even if things were not to work out. If they chose as a family to live a certain way that is what THEY both chose.
But they don't say it's cheaper to keep her for no reason.
I see how you are trying to see every point of view involved. And I get that.


Quoting Anonymous: 

Quoting Anonymous:You sound bitter. Like a scorned wanna be step mom. So what you are saying is that no one should ever get married. Are you just mad because no one will marry you?
Quoting Anonymous:
If you get married and then split for some reason, your bf will not be able to move on with his life with a new partner like most couples, as he'll have to pay the outrageous child support you'll demand, & have to fight (through the court)  the fact you'll demand everything else, the home if you have one, household possessions, car, etc.  You on the other hand will be able to  move on with your life with another partner quite nicely, and get CS from your ex at the same time. It would be a no win for the bf so why the heck would he ever want to make it legal?
Oh and FYI, it's marry me, not "wife" me. 
Girl, I've been happily married for more years than you've been alive, I'm guessing. I also have beautiful adult children who've blessed me with multiple beautiful grandchildren that I love dearly, and who love me back with hugs, kisses and the best hand made gifts & drawings a grandmother could ever ask for .
 I am not at all bitter, I'm simply stating the facts. When you choose to live together as a couple and have children without making it legal, if the relationship does not work out, someone always gets the bitter end of the stick, someone always gets hurt more than the other.  Someone will lose most of the "family"  possessions to the other ( if you live in a state that recognizes common law marriage) and nine times out of ten that someone is usual the man/father. I'm all for sticking up for women/mothers rights in a relationship that has ended, but I'm also for sticking up for men/fathers rights in a relationship that has ended. It was a consensual agreement going in, it should be a consensual agreement going out.
Armadillo79
by Silver Member on May. 7, 2013 at 3:35 PM

I never understood the logic of having children before you're married (If you've always wanted to be married and having a family) ---- Having children is WAY more of a committment than marriage is. Why would he have kids and SAY he wants to get married but does not actually do it? Oh yea, cause he DOESN'T WANT TO. If he did, he would have put a ring on it already.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 18 on May. 7, 2013 at 3:56 PM

 


Quoting stickyfingers:

Well in my state it is allowed. She could even get child support if he has been raising her child from a previous relationship for the past couple years. And if her name is on half the stuff then she is allowed to ask for half.

Quoting Anonymous:

 


 


Quoting stickyfingers:

No matter what she is entitled to child support, married or not


Quoting Anonymous:


 



 



Quoting stickyfingers:

She is already entitled to all of that anyway, married or not



Quoting Anonymous:



If you get married and then split for some reason, your bf will not be able to move on with his life with a new partner like most couples, as he'll have to pay the outrageous child support you'll demand, & have to fight (through the court)  the fact you'll demand everything else, the home if you have one, household possessions, car, etc.  You on the other hand will be able to  move on with your life with another partner quite nicely, and get CS from your ex at the same time. It would be a no win for the bf so why the heck would he ever want to make it legal?




Oh and FYI, it's marry me, not "wife" me. 



 Don't assume what you don't know. Only a few states recognize common law marriage, aka, living together as a married couple, but not legally.
You also have to adhere to strict regulations if your state does happen to recognize common law marriage, if you want the same privileges/rights as a legally married couple.



 



 


Child support yes of course, but you implied the woman/mother was entitled to everything else, aka, half or more (which is the usual)  of the assets, which is not true in the many states that do not recognize common law marriage.  Even in the few states that do recognize common law marriage, as said previously, if the couple have not adhered to the strict regulations for common law marriage in their state, any claim on who should get what when they split up, goes out the window.  


 

You've changed your "story" with each response you've made.  Time to quit dear, you're no longer making sense other than playing tit for tat.

Have a lovely day.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 21 on May. 7, 2013 at 3:58 PM
Yikes... Really? You want to marry someone even though your struggling financially? He sounds like a smart man.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 22 on May. 7, 2013 at 4:14 PM

I am in the same boat. Although if my boyfriend asked me to marry him I wouldnt even say yes at this point for reasons I wont go into. However, he probably thinks you're not going anywhere so he doesnt think he needs to marry you and then again do you want to marry someone who thinks he needs to marry you?

So you need to decided whether you want to stay put and continue the way things are or decide to shake things up and let him know this is what you want and if he isnt on the same page he needs to get lost.

Its your life too and you can have better if you want it.



LashLady29
by on May. 7, 2013 at 4:15 PM

BUMP!

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