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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My ex just used our kids to manipulate me...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 21 Replies

I've been separated for a year now all is pending the divorce.  We've lived apart for a year on great terms.  I just started to date again.  Nothing serious nothing I was planning just sort of happened.  The guy I'm dating is awesome and a friend and we do fun things together like go running or hiking, stuff like that.   My ex and I are very open and honest with each other I've never lead him on in any way.  Its over...  

So, tonight was my ex's night with our kids.  I called to say good night to the kids and ex asked me what I was doing, and I said going to get take out for me and XXX (the new guy).  The guy I'm dating is actually at his office and I was planning to stop by and eat it there with him.  No big deal.  

I shit you not, 4 minutes later my ex calls back and he puts our youngest on the phone begging to come home.  So I say absolutely because this is the first time this has happened.  

Then it occurs to me he just used my child against me.  I could care less if my plans with someone else are broken, its not about that.  What pisses me off is he used our kid.  I then asked him later and he admitted it that he didn't want me to hang out with the new guy because he assumed that we where hanging out at my house.  So, he brought the kids over at 9pm on a freaking school night!  

I guess I need to figure out how to prevent this from happening again.  He tried to say that he would just take the kids tomorrow.  I said hell no, you can wait until your time rolls around again.  It never occurred to me to lie or be vague about what I was doing, I didn't think I had anything to hide.  I'm just so pissed that he used the kids and I don't wand them to think that its ok to come home at 9pm whenever they are with their dad.  

What are your thoughts? 

Posted by Anonymous on May. 8, 2013 at 1:13 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 8, 2013 at 1:16 AM

bump anyone ever been in this situation? 

gizmo538
by Bronze Member on May. 8, 2013 at 1:18 AM

That's messed up. I don't know what to tell you other than that so here's a bump.

mhaney03
by on May. 8, 2013 at 1:18 AM

My ex husband did this same thing. it took him MONTHS to admit it though.  I ripped into him big time. Just don't tell him anything until you set a wedding date with a new guy.  That's all he needs to know.

nyxiemist
by on May. 8, 2013 at 1:21 AM
2 moms liked this

Don't tell him anything. It's not his business anymore.

shannon.m.park
by on May. 8, 2013 at 1:21 AM
1 mom liked this
I don't have a good relationship with my dd's dad... Every time it seems like he is more willing to talk to me, there is something else going on....

Personally, all my dd's dad knows about my life is what's on Facebook... I make it no secret I live with my bf of 1 yr and my dd who is 6 next month keeps wanting to call my bf 'dad' too- she says he is the best daddy lol

I would definitely stick to your custody rotation and not divy from it... If you think he might be trying to screw up your new life of just you and the kids, only communicate about the kids and don't share anything else... He might be digging for ways to get primary placement or alimony/child support lowered...
bellawomen
by Summer on May. 8, 2013 at 1:27 AM
1 mom liked this

You guys need healthy boundaries.  He doesn't have the right to know what you are doing when you are alone so long as it does not inhibit your parenting abilities.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 8, 2013 at 1:28 AM

Honest to god it didn't even occur to me to lie or omit information!  I feel so dumb too!  I really thought we where on the same page, I'm pretty shocked about it.  Its all a learning curve I guess, Its a new situation for me and for him...  Thats not to excuse it, I told him he will NEVER use the kids to manipulate me again.  He also tried to hang out when dropping them off and I told him I will not entertain him for a minute.  He then tried to pull the "Well, I'll just come over tomorrow morning and get them ready!" I said, "NOPE!  You'll see them when its scheduled".  

Quoting shannon.m.park:

I don't have a good relationship with my dd's dad... Every time it seems like he is more willing to talk to me, there is something else going on....

Personally, all my dd's dad knows about my life is what's on Facebook... I make it no secret I live with my bf of 1 yr and my dd who is 6 next month keeps wanting to call my bf 'dad' too- she says he is the best daddy lol

I would definitely stick to your custody rotation and not divy from it... If you think he might be trying to screw up your new life of just you and the kids, only communicate about the kids and don't share anything else... He might be digging for ways to get primary placement or alimony/child support lowered...


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 8, 2013 at 1:29 AM
2 moms liked this

very good!  I can't wait to quote this at him lol!  

Quoting bellawomen:

You guys need healthy boundaries.  He doesn't have the right to know what you are doing when you are alone so long as it does not inhibit your parenting abilities.


Zazayam
by Ruby Member on May. 8, 2013 at 1:31 AM
1 mom liked this

That's pretty messed up. No advice, never been there. Good luck :)

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 8, 2013 at 1:31 AM

be vauge very vauge from now on

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