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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

He wants me to be a SAHM

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And I don't want to be.

My fiancé and I have discussed this several times and I've told him I could never be a SAHM, some women can but I can't.

He said he was ok with that, that he would support me whatever I chose.

He hints around from time to time that it would be better if I was a SAHM and each and every time I tell him no, I want to work.

Now he's talking this move to lousiana and he mentions again that I could stay home and once again I tell him no, I'll find a job there.

I don't know what else to say to him that shows him I won't be a SAHM.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on May. 8, 2013 at 9:52 AM
Replies (21-30):
ashleyrenee24
by 2ne1 on May. 8, 2013 at 10:14 AM
Why doesn't he be the sahp if he feels its important? Why must you do it?
victoriangavin
by Silver Member on May. 8, 2013 at 10:17 AM

Where in Louisiana? That's where I grew up

Roxygurl
by Emerald Member on May. 8, 2013 at 10:17 AM
He brings home the bulk of the money. I don't make near enough to pay what he pays in child support and our bills.

Quoting ashleyrenee24:

Why doesn't he be the sahp if he feels its important? Why must you do it?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Roxygurl
by Emerald Member on May. 8, 2013 at 10:18 AM
New Orleans area.

Quoting victoriangavin:

Where in Louisiana? That's where I grew up

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MomtoSydZachMac
by on May. 8, 2013 at 10:19 AM

I would have one more discussion and ask him why this is so important to him.  If your job allows you to also take care of your own child, I wonder if it is a status thing or a controlling thing for him.  Or, is he more concerned that you have plenty of time to take care of "him".  Or, his parents keep asking and then you have to address the bigger issue of my decisions aren't your mom's business.  Figure out the why for him and then talk through your reasons again.  I believe that whether you are SAHM or a Working Mom -- both people in the relationship have to feel "whole" and "valued". 

ashleyrenee24
by 2ne1 on May. 8, 2013 at 10:19 AM
Well, he needs to respect and understand that not everyone wants to be a sahp.

Quoting Roxygurl:

He brings home the bulk of the money. I don't make near enough to pay what he pays in child support and our bills.



Quoting ashleyrenee24:

Why doesn't he be the sahp if he feels its important? Why must you do it?
AtiFreeFalls
by on May. 8, 2013 at 10:20 AM

 When I chose to become a SAHM I heard this phrase and I thought "That's stupid.  I can return to work any time, but I can't always return to taking care of my baby, she won't be a baby forever!"

And now, 5 years later, I realize that I didn't just give up working.  I have given up 5 years of experience and 5 years' worth of earning potential.  Now I'm 25 and I qualify for the same jobs, the same low pay I qualified for when I was 20.  I can make $8-9 per hour at best.  Which will barely cover commuting and child care.  It would almost cost me money to work outside the home now.  So if I need to go back to work I'm very limited in what jobs I can take, where I can work and what I can make.  If I needed to support my family by myself I would fail miserably and require lots of PA.  Which is not to say that I'm against the use of PA, I'm just saying... I did shoot my earning potential in the foot big time when I became a SAHM.

I'm glad I did it.  It was the right choice for me and my kids and my family, but I didn't know what I was giving up when I signed on.

Quoting Anonymous:

Being a SAHM is career suicide.

 

victoriangavin
by Silver Member on May. 8, 2013 at 10:21 AM

 The crime rate is pretty high there but it's really pretty.... idk bout jobs there though, I grew up around Ft. Polk


Quoting Roxygurl:

New Orleans area.

Quoting victoriangavin:

Where in Louisiana? That's where I grew up


 

angevil53
by Platinum Member on May. 8, 2013 at 10:23 AM
Maybe you could try it for a month. Wouldn't hurt. Jobs will always be there if you hate it.


Quoting Roxygurl:

Seriously? The move would be for work. I don't know many people who wouldn't jump at the chance to double their salary even if they have to move 6 hours away.



Quoting Anonymous:

Hmm, doesn't want you to work and moving to Louisiana to isolate you. I would be running far away from the altar.

AtiFreeFalls
by on May. 8, 2013 at 10:25 AM

 Now, OP, perhaps one more conversation is in order. 

"(Fiance), I need to make something very clear.  I have no desire to be a SAHM.  I want to continue to work.  It is very important to me and I will not give it up."  State it plainly, concisely and directly and at a time when he is not distracted. 

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