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He wants me to be a SAHM

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And I don't want to be.

My fiancé and I have discussed this several times and I've told him I could never be a SAHM, some women can but I can't.

He said he was ok with that, that he would support me whatever I chose.

He hints around from time to time that it would be better if I was a SAHM and each and every time I tell him no, I want to work.

Now he's talking this move to lousiana and he mentions again that I could stay home and once again I tell him no, I'll find a job there.

I don't know what else to say to him that shows him I won't be a SAHM.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on May. 8, 2013 at 9:52 AM
Replies (31-39):
Roxygurl
by Emerald Member on May. 8, 2013 at 10:32 AM
That's a good idea and I think that will help a lot; I have a feeling he wants me to be a SAHM because if the status. With his job most of the women are SAHM and he is very vain when it comes to status and crap like that.

Quoting MomtoSydZachMac:

I would have one more discussion and ask him why this is so important to him.  If your job allows you to also take care of your own child, I wonder if it is a status thing or a controlling thing for him.  Or, is he more concerned that you have plenty of time to take care of "him".  Or, his parents keep asking and then you have to address the bigger issue of my decisions aren't your mom's business.  Figure out the why for him and then talk through your reasons again.  I believe that whether you are SAHM or a Working Mom -- both people in the relationship have to feel "whole" and "valued". 

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Roxygurl
by Emerald Member on May. 8, 2013 at 10:33 AM
Well we have some leeway where we live but the job is in one particular city so we have to live close to that.

Quoting victoriangavin:

 The crime rate is pretty high there but it's really pretty.... idk bout jobs there though, I grew up around Ft. Polk




Quoting Roxygurl:

New Orleans area.


Quoting victoriangavin:


Where in Louisiana? That's where I grew up




 

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Roxygurl
by Emerald Member on May. 8, 2013 at 10:35 AM
We will sit down and talk. And he will respect my decision, which I think some here fail to see. He may make comments and want me to stay home but he would never make me, and he's not controlling either.

Quoting AtiFreeFalls:

 Now, OP, perhaps one more conversation is in order. 

"(Fiance), I need to make something very clear.  I have no desire to be a SAHM.  I want to continue to work.  It is very important to me and I will not give it up."  State it plainly, concisely and directly and at a time when he is not distracted. 

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JustBreath2013
by on May. 8, 2013 at 10:51 AM
It really is better for the child if you can afford it imho. But like you said it just isn't for some people. Gl
Roxygurl
by Emerald Member on May. 8, 2013 at 10:55 AM
I can work and bring my child with me.

Quoting JustBreath2013:

It really is better for the child if you can afford it imho. But like you said it just isn't for some people. Gl
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Zazayam
by Platinum Member on May. 8, 2013 at 10:58 AM

I don't really think it would be, if your career is being a nanny.

Quoting Anonymous:

Being a SAHM is career suicide.


JustBreath2013
by on May. 8, 2013 at 10:58 AM
That is so awesome. You go girl


Quoting Roxygurl:

I can work and bring my child with me.



Quoting JustBreath2013:

It really is better for the child if you can afford it imho. But like you said it just isn't for some people. Gl

Zazayam
by Platinum Member on May. 8, 2013 at 10:59 AM

I love being a SAHM but it is really not for everyone. What are his reasons for wanting you to do it?

Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 8, 2013 at 11:04 AM

If you don't have similar views/goals for life, don't get married. Seriously. Save yourselves the hassle.

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