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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I want to cry so so so bad... :(

Posted by on May. 8, 2013 at 12:22 PM
  • 122 Replies

Okay, bash all you want for where I am, but I don't care. Backstory: My sons father is mentally ill. He has bi-polar disorder, passive aggressiveness disorder, and oppositional defiancy with OCD characteristics. He is not very functional about 80% of the time. Examples: Not bathing regularly or brushing his teeth, or changing clothes, he gets very paranoid and irritable and can be super verbally abusive to me. I have tried to get him involuntary help and he isn't "Bad enough" for them to take him. Almost, but not quite. His family does nothing to help him. I have stayed because we have been together for over 10 years, and I didn't believe in just leaving because he was mentally ill. If he was NOT mental, and was just abusive, I would have been out years ago, as soon as I had enough money. He is sick. He doesn't believe he is sick. Anyways:

I got sick of his paranoia and the screaming at me. I got sick of the OCD, which is showing signs of turning into hoarding. I have some pretty serious health issues of my own, and dealing with his craziness was starting to really wear on me, and I couldn't take it anymore. For years my mother has been saying she was going to buy a house just so my son and I could move in and get away from crazy man. I was supposed to move in, pay half of the utilities and expenses, and start saving for my own house. (I can't really save with crazy man because part of his OCD is a fear of spending money, so I am financially responsible for 85% of our bills and expenses.) She finally bought a house in Nov. 2012. She had a male roommate who she hated. He was a drunk and he treated her worse then my sons father treats me whenever he would drink.

Well she put her roommates name on the deed. They are NOT dating or sleeping together, and she paid for the house. But she put him on the deed. Now this guy has ALWAYS been really good with my son, and never had a problem with ME, but has been awful to my mom. I told my mom I was NOT sure about him living there. She PROMISED me, that he would NEVER treat me or my son bad, and she told me he had been sober for over 9 months. My friends and family all told me "move in with her! Take this chance to get away from crazy man!" So I took my bill money for February, (my landlord was fine with it because crazy man was staying) and I spent almost $500 to move 2 hours away. The second day after I moved in, her roommate fell off the wagon and went on a full on 45 day bender. It was hell. I was doing all the cleaning, cooking, and unpacking for THEM, while my mom slept all day (she was sick I guess) and he stayed upstairs in his room drunk) He got more and more pissed at me, for things I didn't even KNOW I was pissing him off with, (like not putting more of their stuff away, because I didn't know where the hell they wanted it, and it was really heavy boxes stacked high up. He also got mad because I didn't take his dogs out all the time, because they were big and I had trouble controlling them, and other stupid things)

Long story short, he had 3 meltdowns in the space of a week, where he spent HOURS screaming and shrieking at me and calling me HORRIBLE names, like c*nt, lazy fat f*ck, he did this in front of my son who sttod there sobbing, he screamed at me for not taking care of their house, anything and everything I have ever told my mom crazy man has said or called me, somehow her roommate knew all of it and threw that in my face calling me those things too. He would back me into corners spitting on me, and twice I ended up pushing him off of me. The cops were called, and he would be miraculously calm when they came. After the third time, I actually slapped him across the face because he tried to punch me when I pushed him off of me. I couldn't take it and came back to crazy man because I had NOWHERE else to go and no money. He came and got me and our son, and as much stuff as we could fit in the car. My mom begged me not to go, but it wasn't just the fighting, her roommate was supposed to fix some things and didn't: We had no working refridgerator. I had to make powdered milk and canned and boxed foods for my son. The toilet did not flush. He would snake it out every couple days to get the waste down. (I put my son in pull ups and did not let him near the toilet), the carpets were soaked with dog urine and smelled and he didn't hire anyone to clean them, there was no washer and dryer hooked up either, and these were all things IN THE LEASE that my mom and him signed. They were supposed to be done BEFORE I moved in and I was TOLD they were done. I walked in the door after parking the Uhaul and NONE of it was done. So that along with the arguements just was too much for me and we left.

Now I haven't had the money to rent a Uhaul to get the rest of our stuff. It's 2 hours away. My mother said I could keep it there and has been trying for the last 60 days to get me to move back. None of the repairs have been made yet, and her roommate is still there. I said I would NOT move back because of this. So she said I could store my stuff in the room until I could get $225 for a Uhaul. They both refused to give me any money back for bills even though I left in the middle of the month, they refused to give me any money back for moving expenses since they broke the lease, and they also are using MY shower head, MY pots and pans, MY towels, MY cleaning supplies, they used a 10 pound bag of dog food I had stored for MY dog, and they won't pay me for any of the dog food or cleaning supplies they used up. Then, I finally had some money to make a trip out there in the car to pick up a load. I made arrangements for someone to watch my son (had to pay for it) and I set up a day with my mom for us to come out there. I get an email from my mom all flippant and like I should be HAPPY, that her roommate went into that room, after she promised to keep him out (I have emails) and he threw most of our stuff in the basement, put my furniture in the basement, and some of my stuff is broken. Then she goes on to tell me nobody is allowed in the house but me to get the stuff. Because of my health issues it is EXTREMELY hard for me to carry things up the stairs. So this seemed very spiteful. I didn't know how bad it was until I went there. I took pictures:These 5 are my old room. When I left, it was clean, neat and everything was put away. He took all my figurines and stuff off my dressers and shoved them on the floor. Picture frames were broke, one of a kind knick knacks smashed, papers ripped up, boxes emptied on the floor, some of my nicer things just flat out GONE. And then I went to the basement to start grabbing stuff and here it is:

None of my pots or pans or towels or cleaning supplies or my shower head were to be found, My dresser that was antique and had real sentimental value because it was my sons changing table as a baby was smashed, figurines my kids gave me for mothers day, smashed, cigerette burns on some stuff, ashes on some stuff, everything smells like mold, you can see the one wall is moldy in the one pic, most of my sons clothes are missing, a lot of my stuff is missing too. I cannot believe it. I want to cry. I feel so betrayed.




by on May. 8, 2013 at 12:22 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on May. 8, 2013 at 12:28 PM
That's terrible! I'm sorry you're going through this. : ( **hugs**
RachelsMercy
by on May. 8, 2013 at 12:32 PM
2 moms liked this

Thank you. :( I am really thinking I need to take them to court for wrongful eviction (The landlord tenants people said thats the term I would use?) and damages and punitive damages. I am so devastated. This is my MOM.

Quoting Anonymous:

That's terrible! I'm sorry you're going through this. : ( **hugs**


JDmommyJD
by the sauce is boss on May. 8, 2013 at 12:34 PM
4 moms liked this

You and your son need to cut ties with your mother. She's toxic. You need a fresh start some where...alone. Good luck.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on May. 8, 2013 at 12:36 PM
It's worth a try. I would speak with a lawyer and see what can be done. Good luck! : )


Quoting RachelsMercy:

Thank you. :( I am really thinking I need to take them to court for wrongful eviction (The landlord tenants people said thats the term I would use?) and damages and punitive damages. I am so devastated. This is my MOM.




Quoting Anonymous:

That's terrible! I'm sorry you're going through this. : ( **hugs**



hip2it
by Silver Member on May. 8, 2013 at 12:41 PM

If you signed a lease and have everything in writing I'd consult an attorney. Although, you did break the lease. I'm not sure how that would work. They were and are wrong, I think.

AnHpuresugar
by Ruby Member on May. 8, 2013 at 12:44 PM
1 mom liked this

Did you already post this?  I read this same exact story a while back.  Weird.

RachelsMercy
by on May. 8, 2013 at 12:47 PM

They broke the lease first, because they didn't provide working plumbing, a working refridgerator, clean carpets, and a washer and dryer, and that was all spelled out in the lease. I wrote the lease up (I watch the People's Court religiously) and they both signed it. After 45 days none of it was done still and I had asked about it. And the landlord tenants society says him getting in my face, backing me into corners and spitting on me is reason enough to break the lease in court. I just don't know if my family will side with me or my mom... I'm just so upset right now I can't think straight.

Quoting hip2it:

If you signed a lease and have everything in writing I'd consult an attorney. Although, you did break the lease. I'm not sure how that would work. They were and are wrong, I think.



RachelsMercy
by on May. 8, 2013 at 12:48 PM
Yeah I posted anon before I went to get my stuff and I got bashed like crazy for not staying at my moms. But since then they trashed my stuff and I'm just totally lost so I re-posted for advice I guess.
Quoting AnHpuresugar:

Did you already post this?  I read this same exact story a while back.  Weird.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 8, 2013 at 12:53 PM

I feel so bad for people in situations like yours. Everywhere you turn there is nothing but bad options and moving away on your own is just too scary. 

RachelsMercy
by on May. 8, 2013 at 12:57 PM
Moving on my own is not too scary, it's too expensive. My son is on SSI and that's all the income we have. His dad has his own income. My sons check is only $710 a month and it's really hard to live on that and pay rent, utilities and take care of his needs and the house stuff. I'm on the waiting list for several housing assistance programs, it's just taking FOREVER, so that was why I moved in at my moms. Biggest mistake of my life. :(
Quoting Anonymous:

I feel so bad for people in situations like yours. Everywhere you turn there is nothing but bad options and moving away on your own is just too scary. 


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