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It is so frustrating that we aren't married... .. .

Posted by on May. 8, 2013 at 4:43 PM
  • 49 Replies

In a nutshell, I became unexpectedly pregnant 3 months after getting into a relationship with a man I've known for 6 years. 3 months after our first son was born, it occurred to me that he needed a little brother. (I'd always wanted a baby brother growing up). I was blessed with another son and I'm irritated that their father and I still aren't married, technically.

He doesn't see a need to get married, but even if I accept the fact that we aren't wed, there are issues in today's society that make it all-important. 

If he were to ever leave me, I would actually receive less child support because both of my babies are by the same man. I fear that alimony would be my only relief until I could afford to raise two children on my own. (I have no family other than a retired uncle in Florida and a mentally disabled older sister). 

When he was filling out insurance paperwork for his new job one day,  he just happened to tell me that his sons would be the beneficiary of his life insurance policy. ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!? I exclaimed! and said "So, I have to work and support two children while I grieve losing you until they are 18 and then they get your insurance money?" Whatever. Who cares. 

I am paranoid going out with my sons with no ring on my finger. I hate putting 'single' on important paperwork. At tax time, our little family of 4 receives less of a return because I am a dependent rather than a wife. I think it's about $1,000 less - which would really come in handy raising two sons. (Infant and toddler boys now).

I stopped pressuring him, it doesn't get me anywhere. I never should have had sex & babies out of wedlock. Maybe that doesn't seem realistic but there it is. 


(I will also have to change my name so I can share the last name of my children).. Grr..

by on May. 8, 2013 at 4:43 PM
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Replies (1-10):
vvinkyloafer
by on May. 8, 2013 at 4:44 PM
1 mom liked this
Thank God I don't have this problem and am content without being married.
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alexsmomaubrys2
by Emerald Member on May. 8, 2013 at 4:45 PM
1 mom liked this

Why don't you two go to marriage counseling? Talk about why he doesn't want to get married. 

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Goofygadget
by on May. 8, 2013 at 4:46 PM
1 mom liked this
Jeez you sound like my sons father. Lol.



Seriously though, good luck.
DBone_Holmes
by Bronze Member on May. 8, 2013 at 4:47 PM

That's a good idea, I wonder if he would go for that - he used to see a counselor on his own, so it  might not be too out of the question for him. 


Quoting alexsmomaubrys2:

Why don't you two go to marriage counseling? Talk about why he doens't want to get married. 



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on May. 8, 2013 at 4:48 PM
4 moms liked this

Sounds like you are more worried about money if he leaves you or dies than you are about being married and in a good relationship...

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on May. 8, 2013 at 4:48 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh well, you chose to have 2 kids with a man that you were not married too.  Your problem, not his.  

MrsDavidB25
by Stacey on May. 8, 2013 at 4:50 PM

 Should have thought about all this before you became an unwed mother (twice!) since it sounds very important to you.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 8, 2013 at 4:51 PM


Quoting MrsDavidB25:

 Should have thought about all this before you became an unwed mother (twice!) since it sounds very important to you.

DBone_Holmes
by Bronze Member on May. 8, 2013 at 4:51 PM

I'm in a great relationship, perhaps I just 'what if' things too much, I guess I worry about situations that aren't an issue - other than tax time, which I guess if being in a relationship with me costs him a grand a year that's his choice. 


Quoting Anonymous:

Sounds like you are more worried about money if he leaves you or dies than you are about being married and in a good relationship...



DBone_Holmes
by Bronze Member on May. 8, 2013 at 4:52 PM

I never imagined a piece of paper would mean anything to me, but I guess it does. 

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