Finally ready to admit I have a problem....... *update*
I'm currently withdrawing so bad. I called a methadone clinic today but unfortunately they were closed and I have to wait until tomorrow to schedule an appointment. Even then they only do new patient intake on Tuesdays and Thursdays and are normally booked at least a week out. I'm so scared because idk if I can make it that long. I'm praying they'll be able to take me earlier though. Somehow my roommate was able to get an appointment sooner cuz he was so bad and talked to the regional supervisor. I'm hoping that they'll be able to do the same for me. I'm so scared and would love to get some advice or hear someone else's story.......
So when I called the next day, they turned me down right away before hearing my whole story because I haven't done any other outpatient program before. My roommate talked to his counselor at the clinic and she was PISSED that they wouldn't listen. She had me called the head lady who's on vacation and leave a huge voicemail detailing my situation and now my roommates counselor will be majorly pushing for me to be let in as soon as she comes back. I've managed to find stuff to hold me over until then but I'm soooooooo antsy for the call back. I was beyond devastated after the first call and PISSED that they wouldn't even listen to me. I went out and did some really stupid shit because I felt so hopeless. I KNOW I need help and they wouldn't even take 2 mins to listen to me.
For the people telling me to go to the ER to get methadone or subs, I know for a fact that they don't give it out here. They have huge signs about it right when you walk in. I wish I could do this on my own at home, but it's gone too far and would probably kill me. Also, people are suggesting subs instead of methadone. I would prefer subs, but I take as much as my roommate who went in and requested subs but they told him with how much he uses, he'd have better luck with the methadone.
My roommate wrote me a huge encouraging letter about how I can do this and how so many people are fighting for me at the clinic. I've been keeping it on me as encouragement and its helping with the wait. I'm hoping by Tuesday or Wednesday to finally have a plan laid out for me and its so relaxing to think about not having to hurt myself or put myself in danger anymore. To all of you amazing women who have given me words of encouragement, I thank you soooooo much. You have no idea what it means to me!