i'm sitting here chainsmoking, and stuffing my face with king sized candy bars and mnt dews. my kids are in bed, and i'm netflixing greys anatomy. its 11:30, and I should be asleep, but I cant sleep. we have a big day tomorrow. tomorrow is the day when I get put on trial. my kids and I will wake up early, and head to the courthouse, where I could lose them. I could lose my kids tomorrow, and it will kill me. I've spent the last hour, trying to decide what to wear. what will say " im responsible, please don't take my kids". a month ago, me and my mom were best friends. she stood next to me, defending my parenting in court against my ex and his family. tomorrow my mother will testify against me. how did we get here? how the hell did this happen? I don't know. I don't know why. I just know that my mother over the last week, has managed to convince people that i'm the next casey Anthony. i'm a mom who works full time. I don't have friends, I don't go out, I have had 2 drinks in the past year and a half. my kids are happy and healthy and straight A kids with perfect attendance. but I don't have money, and my exes family does. where I live living together unmarried is a sin. it doesn't matter if you have been best friends for 5 years, unmarried is an immortal sin. and I live with my boyfriend, unmarried. the allegations against us from my mother are horrific. they even used the word satanic when referring to how I punish my kids. im trying to be strong, smile for my kids, but my heart is beyond broken. I haven't cried, I haven't cracked. trying to breathe. cps is coming with me to court tomorrow. i'm praying its enough to save us. my mother, who is one of the most ungodly people I know, is at a prayer church meeting tonight. and then tomorrow she will go and take an oath. raise her right hand and lie about me. her only daughter. her best friend up until a month ago. its going to kill me. I don't know how to survive this.