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marriage counselling - meh

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 15 Replies

Sooooooo, DH and I went to marriage counseling yesterday for the first time. At the start of the session, he said that the fact that we are at counseling makes him feel one step closer to divorce. He said he doesn't see it as I do - which is that this is to help strengthen our marriage and to finally get through a couple of issues we have been dealing with without resolve for more than 10 years.  This took me by surprise.

He said that if we can't deal with our problems on our own, then we have a bigger issue than the "issue" if you know what i mean.  I completely agreed with that and said that we do have a bigger problem and I want to fix it - not give up on it! He was being really difficult about talking to the woman, but he did agree to go back again mext week.  I'm just afraid this is not going to work if he can't just open up.  He did open up a little at the end, and I did feel like I said what I needed to. But I ended up crying through the whole session.  I just don't know if we should even do this.  I do NOT want my marriage to end. I hope he truly doesn't want that either.  I just don't know. 


Anyone else have any experivence with this? How did it work - no work for you? Should I keep trying? 

Posted by Anonymous on May. 9, 2013 at 11:43 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 9, 2013 at 11:48 AM

bump!

carterjacksmom
by Bronze Member on May. 9, 2013 at 11:52 AM

I ended up divorced anyway a couple of years later, because while it helped us to communicate--we still did not agree with one another about when to start a family.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 9, 2013 at 11:54 AM

hmmm. Our issues are not that severe.  We just need to be able to communicate better. That's it.  we have kids - we parent well and agree on how to rasie them. We agree on most things, but when we don't - it's world war three and I am always paranoid that that is just a moment away.

Quoting carterjacksmom:

I ended up divorced anyway a couple of years later, because while it helped us to communicate--we still did not agree with one another about when to start a family.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 9, 2013 at 12:56 PM

the first session cant be judged as to how the rest will be.  we've been going for 3 months now and its a roller coaster ride.  Good luck to you

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 9, 2013 at 1:04 PM

thanks.

Quoting Anonymous:

the first session cant be judged as to how the rest will be.  we've been going for 3 months now and its a roller coaster ride.  Good luck to you


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 9, 2013 at 1:09 PM

We ended up spending most of our sessions blubbering. However, they were successful and we are still together nine years later.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 9, 2013 at 1:10 PM

Well, that's encouraging. Thank you.

Quoting Anonymous:

We ended up spending most of our sessions blubbering. However, they were successful and we are still together nine years later.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 9, 2013 at 1:13 PM

He was the one who insisted on marriage counseling, though. He was all in.

Quoting Anonymous:

Well, that's encouraging. Thank you.

Quoting Anonymous:

We ended up spending most of our sessions blubbering. However, they were successful and we are still together nine years later.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 9, 2013 at 1:53 PM

yeah. opposite with me.  I'm just worried.

Quoting Anonymous:

He was the one who insisted on marriage counseling, though. He was all in.

Quoting Anonymous:

Well, that's encouraging. Thank you.

Quoting Anonymous:

We ended up spending most of our sessions blubbering. However, they were successful and we are still together nine years later.




momma-t42
by Bronze Member on May. 9, 2013 at 2:04 PM

 I am truly sorry that people feel this way about marriage counseling or any type of counseling for that matter.

The fact is, if you child is struggling in school, maybe a particular class, wouldn't you do everything possible to help that child?  Possibly hire a tutor?  I know I hired tutors for my kids at different times.

That is exactly what marriage counseling is.  It's like hiring a tutor to help you in your marriage.  The Best marriages can be from those who have sought help to get through some things couples struggle to on their own.  It does  NOT mean you have bigger problems by going to counseling...it means you're responsible parents and partners to seek help from an outside source.

We have gone to marriage counseling and it helped heal areas in our marriage we just couldnt get to on our own.

I currently go to counseling just for added support since my youngest graduated high school.  Trust me, it is far better I am going to counseling now than to dump every emotion I am encountering onto my husband.

My oldest daughter is married, had a miscarriage two years ago, and I sent her to my counselor.  (they're sworn to secrecy so it was not a conflict of interest)  She has been married now for three years and has been back in counseling to seek help in her marriage as is her husband.  For now, they go to seperate counselors.

I have ALWAYS told my children the very words I shared with you...going to counseling is like hiring a tutor.  I mean, who really knows what they're doing in marriage?  Each individual person is unique which makes each marital situation unique. 

My marriage would not have survived the 23 years it has without counseling.  We have a GREAT marriage today, and our children who are now grown, have often said how they want a marriage like ours.  "well, it will take seeking outside help at some point." is what I've told each one of them.  Good marriages don't just happen...they take lots of work, and counsel.

Best wishes...I'd re-evaluate how you view counseling :)

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