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this has always been a no for me. what would you do? Edited (again)

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
At the beginning i told my husband i will not be in a relationship with someone who is involved with drugs. Like last year i found a pack of rolling paper. Looked through his phone and he had asked this girl that he was spending the weekend with if he needed to get some. (This was after we almost broke up over him going up there without me over a weekend) i talked to him and denied it. He talked to her about and she denied it. Well i was snooping through his phone. And saw a text from her like 2 mos ago and she was asking him to buy her drugs for her pain. Wtf??? she even said get the stuff you got last year! They both denied it last time. Its not gonna be any different. What do i do?
Sorry i just realised i added a 3 im mobile so a little difficult. 2 mos ago

Just confronted him. He basically ignored me and said there wasnt much to say. He doesnt deny buying it and getting it for her and doesnt see the big deal in doing so and just keeps saying its been so long since hes done it he doesnt even remember how long its been. Im pissed he even got it. I just dont even know what to do. Im pissed. I feel slapping him upset his head.what the hell does he think? Why would i want him to even buy it! Stupid man. I dont know what to do. That was a deal breaker for me. I am so confused and angry
Posted by Anonymous on May. 11, 2013 at 2:55 PM
Replies (41-47):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 13, 2013 at 3:44 PM
Still confused on what to do. Im not sure on what to do. This girl is constantly causing problems and he doesnt see it, even though he knew i would not be around the drugs
Mrs.Kubalabuku
by Ruby Member on May. 13, 2013 at 3:47 PM

So if it is a deal breaker I'm assuming you are calling your attorney?  Hell, I'd have left him last year after the lies.  There are some things you don't lie about, and what is happening with drugs and some other women are at the top of the list.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 13, 2013 at 3:54 PM
Quoting Mrs.Kubalabuku:

So if it is a deal breaker I'm assuming you are calling your attorney?  Hell, I'd have left him last year after the lies.  There are some things you don't lie about, and what is happening with drugs and some other women are at the top of the list.



It always use to be. But im married and have 2kids kids and no college degree. And i dont feel like breaking apart my family
Mrs.Kubalabuku
by Ruby Member on May. 13, 2013 at 4:00 PM


Your excuses don't hold water.

1.  PA.  With the children, you'd be bumped up in line for housing.  OR, in most states they'd kick him out of the home so you could have a safe stable place with children while assets are divided.  There is the possibility of alimony, depending on the situation.  You'd get foodstamps, assistance for daycare, there are TONS of college programs for single Moms, or even just Moms returning to school.  And don't forget child support.

2.  You don't want to break your family apart, but your children will grow up seeing you two fight, seeing Daddy do drugs, seeing Daddy going out to stay with this woman who causes so much strife...Sounds like the family is already broken.

Here is what this boils down to:

You are either going to change the situation or you are not.  Changing it means sacrifices and hard work while moving towards a happier goal.  Not changing it means living with the things you swore you'd never tolerate.

Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting Mrs.Kubalabuku:

So if it is a deal breaker I'm assuming you are calling your attorney?  Hell, I'd have left him last year after the lies.  There are some things you don't lie about, and what is happening with drugs and some other women are at the top of the list.



It always use to be. But im married and have 2kids kids and no college degree. And i dont feel like breaking apart my family



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 14, 2013 at 12:50 AM
Thanks. I guess im just trying to figure out weather hes lying about doing it or just got it for her, either way im not sure i want to hang on to that. I love him so much and have a feeling we would be okay if this girl was out of our lives for good. I hate this. I love him so much and he is willing to give it all up? We are already on public assistance all of that right now since its just my income while i support him through school
MezzoDragon
by Bronze Member on May. 14, 2013 at 7:46 PM

But does he love you as much as you love him?  If he's not willing to put you and your family before this girl and her requests I'm afraid the answer is no.  You and your children deserve better than someone who won't be looking out for your best intrests - it's what real family does.  Love has to be a two-way street, or it isn't love.  Imagine two cities. If all the cars head out of your city to his - after a while you become a ghost town.  You become hollow and just go through the motions trying to survive on the occasional gesture of affection because that feels like all you can do.  Imagine if you stop sending those cars, love, affection, attention, support, and keep them in town to work for you.  I was so desperately co-dependant that I didn't think I'd survive if he ever went away. I didn't even realize that my feelings weren't what they used to be for him.  You are worth more than the value he is giving you.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 16, 2013 at 11:11 PM
Quoting MezzoDragon:

But does he love you as much as you love him?  If he's not willing to put you and your family before this girl and her requests I'm afraid the answer is no.  You and your children deserve better than someone who won't be looking out for your best intrests - it's what real family does.  Love has to be a two-way street, or it isn't love.  Imagine two cities. If all the cars head out of your city to his - after a while you become a ghost town.  You become hollow and just go through the motions trying to survive on the occasional gesture of affection because that feels like all you can do.  Imagine if you stop sending those cars, love, affection, attention, support, and keep them in town to work for you.  I was so desperately co-dependant that I didn't think I'd survive if he ever went away. I didn't even realize that my feelings weren't what they used to be for him.  You are worth more than the value he is giving you.



yeah but my kids and their relationships witb his family play a role too. I couldnt imagine ripping my kids from their grandparents either. And to top it all off i see his family as my own. He only got it for her that once the second time he told her his dealer moved out of state and she got it some where else. So maybe he felt really guilty. I feel the need to talk to him about it and make sure hes not gonna do it again. How do i go about doing it? Should i let her know i know and tell her to back off? Or do i just nag him and ask him to leave her out of our lives? Is that a reasonablw request?
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