Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I'm so hurt... how would you feel?? ETA

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

SO my dh is in a band. I pick his mom up and drive her there, spend the entire night with her, buy her drinks, etc. Shes ready to go home. We sat at a table the whole time even though its dancing music. They take a break after the 2nd set.. and I whisper to my man 'I did my MIL duty, Im going to take her home and come back and get down and dirty.' I was trying to be cute. I tell him to say goodbye to her.. and I got to the bathroom. I come back and hes talking to her and two bandmates... theyre like 'ohhh shit!' Then my MIL asks 'did you say you were done your MIL duty and you were gonna come back and get down and dirty??' All disgusted because she doesnt like dancing. Why would he tell her I said that? And in front of two band mates? It was for him only... and he betrayed my trust.

 

ETA:

I wasnt trying to be disrespectful. He didnt want me to pick her up because he thought I wanted to stay all night and didnt want me to have to deal with her. He got mad at her and thought he was 'defending my honor' (his words, not mine) but not letting her 'take advantage of me.' I said no, its fine Id rather go with her and leave early (tomorrow is mothers day!) than make her take her own vehicle. She is capable of driving there but prefers not to. Sooo he wanted me there all night and so I thought I was being cute by saying I was going to take her home and come back to dance for his band. It just made me look like a huge bitch. Why would he do something so hurtful for a few laughs?? Esp after I tried to show her a good night and make him happy??

Posted by Anonymous on May. 12, 2013 at 12:03 AM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 12, 2013 at 12:46 AM
1 mom liked this

 Haha nope I brought her home and went straight home myself. I was embarrased to go back! I never meant anything by it but our family has a long day of spending time with all our mothers (his mother is very close, mine is 2 hours away). Thats why Im on cm :P


Quoting mbc324:

Did you go back to dance then?? I wouldnt have, I would have said screw you jack & went home...he can piss up a rope!!


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 12, 2013 at 12:47 AM

 Im glad you have that relationship with her :)


Quoting rphardwick:

I would have said it infront of my MIL and DH and they both would have laughed. Thats just how we are in our family tho


 

LaMerica
by Silver Member on May. 12, 2013 at 12:51 AM
1 mom liked this

Well, my DH likes to get laid, so he wouldn't do that. He should know your sense of humor well enough to know how you meant what you said, and if nothing else the fact that you whispered it is pretty indicative that you didn't want everyone to know what you said. Not cool.

beaularson91
by Ruby Member on May. 12, 2013 at 12:56 AM
I'd be embarrassed too. I wanna know what his explanation is.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 12, 2013 at 12:57 AM

It really makes me think now that you say that. He gets so emotional, he yells about any little thing. I wonder if he might be on the spectrum?


Quoting MomOfOneCoolKid:

 

 

Quoting Anonymous:

 I completely understand the part of them getting angry if they cant understand why were upset... sorry you have to deal with that too :( I wish he would accept my feelings. He reacts really intensely sometimes.

 

Quoting MomOfOneCoolKid:

 

 

Quoting Anonymous:

 Thats disrespect?? I guess I dont see it the same as you...

 

Quoting FreelanceMommy:

You disrespected his mother, he was probably hurt that you would say that you had "done your duty". 

Even though I don't see it as disrespect, there might be a fleeting chance *he* saw it differently.

I would put away hurt emotions and give your hubby the benefit of the doubt:

1) He might not have a clue about implicit social conversations (like someone with aspergers). Not saying he has aspergers, just asperger-like personality of not understanding social rules.

2) He might have been hurt by what you said and told his mom.

 

Go to him truthfully and say you were hurt by what he did.

What's his reaction?

Unfortuneately to something like this, my dh often gets angry that *I* feel hurt when he doesn't understand why I would feel a certain way. Ugh! But regardless, its best to ask. And don't let the conversation be about your hurt feelings. What you want to find out is *why* he did it. 

I think your dh and mine is asperger-like, if not aspergers all the way.

It wouldn't be a surprise to me that dh is aspergers. my son has been dx'd as being mildly on the spectrum.

 


 

bcauseimthemom
by Ruby Member on May. 12, 2013 at 1:02 AM

I would have reamed him a new asshole right there in front of MIL and the bandmates and then told him he could enjoy the rest of the night on his own.  I would then drop off MIL and explain to her that you were joking around with your husband and if she doesn't understand that...too damn bad.  Take your butt home, pour a glass of wine and take a bubble bath.  No way in hell would I be wasting my time to go back and finish out the night with my husband after he thought it was funny to make you look like a bitch by acting like an ass....

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on May. 12, 2013 at 1:29 AM
You shouldn't have said it. And he should have kept his mouth shut too. You BOTH screwed UP. And for the poster above me who said, 'NO sex and sleep on the floor or Outside.'...You should NEVER use SEX as a punishment...NO wonder the divorce rate is what it is today. Your SO or DH is NOT Your PET or a Animal...(shaking my head ) .Back to the Orig Post.
You should have set or settled the time limits before you went out . Such as . "mom, I plan on staying late, what are you comfortable with" "Would you mind if I bring you home , I really wanted to stay with DH until closing" but I want you to be comfortable too" Instead you made it sound like she was NOT worth your time. And you wanted to get rid of her asap.
Like today, we all went to a BBQ, but I set a time limit. My DH, sis and bro in law also went. We decided to take two cars so I could leave early IF I wanted too. I told everyone, I would probably stay a short while maybe 2-3 hours due to not feeling great. But IF my back felt better and I was REALLY enjoying the party I would most likely stay longer. So you should have mentioned it to your MIL. And asked her what she wanted to do. You could have offered her several options. But instead you were kind of sneaky whispering in your Husbands ear about his mom. Like she was a PITA ( a pain in the ass) so that wasn't very nice especially on Mothers Day weekend. And you hurt her feelings. I would be upset too if my DIL or daughters had said that...I would feel that You really didn't want to take me to begin with. So you owe her a apology. And you NEED to explain why you said, what you said. I don't think she's going to believe you now. You need to tell her you really do like or love her, and you were only fooling around. But you thought due to her age that she wouldn't want to stay until closing or what ever time you planned on going home. And ask her to forgive you, and if there is anything you can do to make it better. Anyway it takes a bigger person to give a apology, so do it.
Also once she goes home,( so he doesn't run to momma ) you need to have a talk with your DH. (Alone) He needs to understand that YOU are his wife. And things you two discuss no matter what they are, are Private between you and him. NO ONE ELSE , NOT even HIS MOM.. And he owes YOU a apology too. You Might have hurt him, Men are usually closer to their moms, and they really hope & want their New wives to have a good relationship with mom...Remember he LOVES his Mom too, and always will.....He probably felt you don't like or care for her...cause of the way you worded it..."MIL DUTY IS OVER".(unless he has your permission from You to discuss the issues outside your marriage, it's a NO NO). You take preference , NOW ! His allegiances are to you, as his wife.!! And he shouldn't have discussed them in front of the ban members either. ( or anyone ) That's a NO, NO.
Good Luck. You two need to learn how to Communicate better, I suggest you work on these issues before they get worse. Where you stand, and his mother.
TheMacFamily182
by on May. 12, 2013 at 1:34 AM

Some of you ladies are too uptight...

Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on May. 12, 2013 at 1:38 AM

Guess he wasn't interested in getting laid tonight. What a freaking idiot.

And no, it doesn't sound like you were being disrespectful at all. It's pretty obvious you were just trying to be cute with him.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on May. 12, 2013 at 1:42 AM

You should never have sex if you don't feel like having sex. Betraying trust is a pretty big reason to be pissed off and therefore not feel like having sex. If the divorce rate is so high because men run away when they don't get laid, it's mamas like you who are failing society by teaching them to do that.


And no, she doesn't owe her MIL an apology for this. Maybe her DH does for making it sound like something it wasn't, but not the OP. Unless you want it to sound like, "sorry, MIL. You were being a bit of a downer, and I really felt like fucking your son last night, so I was trying to talk a bit naughty to him about how I was going to come back after dropping you off and dance myself horny. I didn't think you'd be comfortable watching that."



Quoting Anonymous:

You shouldn't have said it. And he should have kept his mouth shut too. You BOTH screwed UP. And for the poster above me who said, 'NO sex and sleep on the floor or Outside.'...You should NEVER use SEX as a punishment...NO wonder the divorce rate is what it is today. Your SO or DH is NOT Your PET or a Animal...(shaking my head ) .Back to the Orig Post.
You should have set or settled the time limits before you went out . Such as . "mom, I plan on staying late, what are you comfortable with" "Would you mind if I bring you home , I really wanted to stay with DH until closing" but I want you to be comfortable too" Instead you made it sound like she was NOT worth your time. And you wanted to get rid of her asap.
Like today, we all went to a BBQ, but I set a time limit. My DH, sis and bro in law also went. We decided to take two cars so I could leave early IF I wanted too. I told everyone, I would probably stay a short while maybe 2-3 hours due to not feeling great. But IF my back felt better and I was REALLY enjoying the party I would most likely stay longer. So you should have mentioned it to your MIL. And asked her what she wanted to do. You could have offered her several options. But instead you were kind of sneaky whispering in your Husbands ear about his mom. Like she was a PITA ( a pain in the ass) so that wasn't very nice especially on Mothers Day weekend. And you hurt her feelings. I would be upset too if my DIL or daughters had said that...I would feel that You really didn't want to take me to begin with. So you owe her a apology. And you NEED to explain why you said, what you said. I don't think she's going to believe you now. You need to tell her you really do like or love her, and you were only fooling around. But you thought due to her age that she wouldn't want to stay until closing or what ever time you planned on going home. And ask her to forgive you, and if there is anything you can do to make it better. Anyway it takes a bigger person to give a apology, so do it.
Also once she goes home,( so he doesn't run to momma ) you need to have a talk with your DH. (Alone) He needs to understand that YOU are his wife. And things you two discuss no matter what they are, are Private between you and him. NO ONE ELSE , NOT even HIS MOM.. And he owes YOU a apology too. You Might have hurt him, Men are usually closer to their moms, and they really hope & want their New wives to have a good relationship with mom...Remember he LOVES his Mom too, and always will.....He probably felt you don't like or care for her...cause of the way you worded it..."MIL DUTY IS OVER".(unless he has your permission from You to discuss the issues outside your marriage, it's a NO NO). You take preference , NOW ! His allegiances are to you, as his wife.!! And he shouldn't have discussed them in front of the ban members either. ( or anyone ) That's a NO, NO.
Good Luck. You two need to learn how to Communicate better, I suggest you work on these issues before they get worse. Where you stand, and his mother.



Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN