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Words of Caution Re: Ashley Madison *UPDATE 3*

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

CM Friends,

I am writing you this post, sad and depressed on Mother's Day, 2013, because I am so mad at myself.  So mad at my actions.  And so mad at this horrible website, Ashley Madison.  

I have been faithfully married to a wonderful, kind, caring, attractive man for over 10 years (omg, this is hard to write...I am starting to cry)...a beautiful man, a man who gave his family everything he had...who worked day in and day out to provide for us.   A man who loved us for just being us...

However, 3 weeks ago, my husband went onto my laptop when I was in the shower and discovered my Ashley Madison account.  In all the time I have known him, my husband has never been violent, but I can honestly say on that day I saw another side to him.  He kicked open the bathroom door and ripped down half the shower curtain while I was still in there.  He kept on screaming. I couldn't even understand him but  I immediately knew what it was about.  My heart dropped to my stomach and my knees got weak.  Next thing I know, he grabbed my arm and pulled me to the bedroom and showed me the computer.  All I could say to him was that I was sorry, so very sorry.   He calmed down a little bit, and asked me to tell him exactly what happened.  I broke down and told him everything.  I told him that I had discovered Ashley Madison about 6 months ago.  I told him that I had communicated with some men over that time but that they meant nothing to me.  He asked me if I had sex with any of them.  I admitted that I had sex with 2 of the men.  I thought he was going to hit me, but instead he just dropped to his knees and began crying.  In 15 years, I have never seen him cry.  Even when his best friend died.  He was (is) the strongest person I had ever known.  But in this moment, my selfish actions had reduced him to nothing.  I tried to console him, but it was no use.  He barged out of the house and I did not hear from him for 2 days.  

It has been 3 weeks and Mike, my husband still won't even speak to me.  I thought he might call me to wish me Happy Mom's Day, but nothing so far (3:30 pm EST).  He owns his own business so he has been staying at the office, sleeping on his couch.  At this moment, I have no clue what is going to happen with us, with our family.  I am so scared that he is going to leave me.  I am so scared that I am going to lose everything.  I never thought our kids might grow up in a two family household, but I am starting to think that might become a reality.  The last 3 weeks have been the worst kind of nightmare. 

I am writing this post to warn you about this website and other sites like it.  I never even thought about having an affair until I heard some friends talk about Ashley Madison.  It piqued my curiosity and I went on there just to check it out.  It was just SO EASY and straightforward and one thing led to another.  Within a few days, I had men messaging me, vying for my attention. It was just so..FUN!  At first, I limited my contact to messaging only, but as things progressed, men would ask to see me.  In hindsight, I was being immature, but in the moment it was so very exciting and provocative, I gave into temptation. 

I know for a fact that there are other women on CM who are currently on Ashley Madison as well. I am going Anon on this, but some of you have messaged me privately to discuss AM when I brought it up on other threads.  I used to be one of those people who said "what he doesn't know, won't hurt him", but honestly, I as very very wrong.  The fleeting sex is not worth even the POSSIBILITY of your husband finding out.  I thought I was covering my tracks well, but everyone makes mistakes when they are leading a double life.  Now, I have destroyed the one person that I love the most in this world.  It was SO NOT WORTH IT. 

Leaving on a positive note.  I am hoping my husband will take me back.  He loves his family so much. I think he will do the right thing and give me another chance.  I am willing to spend the rest of my life making it up to him.

Ask me any questions, and I will answer them truthfully. 




Everyone, please, I AM NOT BLAMING AM.  I know my actions caused this mess.  What I am saying is:  I know that I am not the ONLY ONE ON CM that has an AM account.  To the moms that have private messaged me asking about AM, I am writing this post to warn you!!!  It may seem fun and exciting at first, but it puts you directly in th crosshairs of temptation.  Just stay away from sites like these!!  


I updated the title of the post to reflect more the meaning of my post.  It was right for others to denounce me by saying that I was blaming a website, although that was not my intention.  Again, my message is for others who are on sites like this to stay away.  Things can get out of hand quickly in fantasy land. 



To everyone that took the time to read my post and reply, I say "thank you".  I read every last comment on this thread and I took to heart every negative remark as well as every word of hope.   I am very happy to say that at 7:01 pm EST, my husband sent me a text message saying "Happy Mother's Day".  I replied back to him saying that I missed him and to please come home.  To which he replied "No, Thank You".  But at least I know he was thinking of me and at this point, I will take what I can get,  Take care everyone. 

Posted by Anonymous on May. 12, 2013 at 3:36 PM
Replies (41-50):
by Anonymous 10 on May. 12, 2013 at 3:55 PM
1 mom liked this

 Honestly this is just horrible. You possibly threw away  an awesome marriage to a great guy for a site you knew was bad news to begin with. I know what it is and will never visit a site like that. I know I value my marriage more than that. I am sorry your husband got hurt and I am sorry you have destroyed things. However do not blame the site blame yourself. Sounds like you are not accepting resposibility for your own actions. You feel bad that you got caught and things are falling apart. How did you feel when you were betraying your husband and his trust.

by Silver Member on May. 12, 2013 at 3:55 PM
I have nothing nice to say. I some what want to call troll
by on May. 12, 2013 at 3:56 PM
And he should " do the right thing" and take you back???? You weren't very concerned with doing the right thing were you? You are delusional and in denial.
by Anonymous 11 on May. 12, 2013 at 3:56 PM
You're a stupid piece of shit. That's what you get.
by Gold Member on May. 12, 2013 at 3:56 PM

No, hun, AM didn't destroy your life -- you did.  No one made you talk to those men, no one made you sleep with them.  

My ex used AM.  While I'd like to burn their headquarters to the ground but in the end HE chose to use it and HE chose to meet those women.  There's still a lot of work YOU had to do to sneak away and meet these men and that didn't happen on the internet.  

I feel for your husband.  Right now he feels like his heart has been ripped out of his chest.  AM didn't do that, YOU DID.  

by Petty LaBelle on May. 12, 2013 at 3:57 PM
You want him to do the.right thing and take you back, how is that right. You hurt him, cheated, and you think its right for him to take you back? The right think would be to find a good divorce lawyer and drag you through the mud. Imho
by on May. 12, 2013 at 3:57 PM
In case you haven't noticed, you're still making excuses.

Quoting Anonymous:

It was a horrible thing to do.  But I was confused, I think.  Going through a mid life crisis (I am 35).  My husband is fantastic in bed.  But I was only with a handful of men before I met him.  I know it was dumb, but maybe I just had to get it out of my system?  It wasn't about love.   Dumb, i know...

Quoting wymama610:

If you "love" him so much and everything was so perfect, what would ever make you think to have sex with strangers off the Internet? I'm not saying I'm a perfect wife or anything, but holy crap. My husband and I went through a rough time and I felt he didn't love me. In turn I fell out of love with him. We have worked hard the last year to love each other, and I can honestly say I love him more now than ever. I can't imagine being happy at home and still searching out sex with other men. Wow.

by Gold Member on May. 12, 2013 at 3:57 PM
Dont blame the website. The website didn't make you cheat on your loving, caring husband. Good job though.
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 12, 2013 at 3:57 PM

Thank you for your insight and (some) words of support.  You are right.  I am not an evil person, but I know that I have done horrible things.  I don't care so much what happens to me, but I hate the pain that it has brought to the people that I love. 

Quoting Lizardannie1966:

I'm sorry for your story and I see what your points are in bringing this here, but I think you know deep down that a website--as horrible as it may be--is not responsible for the actions you've taken. :/

I wish you and your family all the best and perhaps your marriage can survive this?

by on May. 12, 2013 at 3:57 PM

Quoting Anonymous:

Apparently, not so faithfully married.

The website isn't awful. It just makes money off of awful people.

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