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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

This should be interesting *UPDATE* on page 3

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I have an 18 year old son that thinks that I am just a family friend.  I had him when I was 14 and decided to have an open adoption.  Through the years I have seen him at cookouts and birthdays.  I get school pictures and have gone to all his school plays and anything else I could go to.  His parents are great about letting me into their lives.  Well they came over last night without him because they wanted to chat with me.  They told me that after his graduation from HS in a week that they were going to tell him he was adopted.  I knew that they were going to do this but I didn't think they would do it that day! And now I am so nervous.  I am going to both his graduation and his graduation party with my husband, not his father and our kids.  I hope he isn't angry with me for my decision.  I only wanted to do the best for him.

FYI his father is aware of him but never wanted anything to do with him other than an occasional picture.  My husband knows he is mine as well and is very understanding about it. 

Posted by Anonymous on May. 16, 2013 at 8:07 AM
Replies (11-20):
TableforSeven
by Platinum Member on May. 16, 2013 at 8:24 AM

They never told him that he was adopted!?  Wow - that poor kid.  I wouldn't worry about him being upset about your choice as much as the pain and shock he is about to feel, at 18 years old, being told for the first time that he was adopted!

I grew up knowing that I was adopted.  It was part of who I am and my parents never hid it from me.  I would never have been able to forgive them if they hadn't told me until I was an adult!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 16, 2013 at 8:24 AM
It'd so hard to know what to do :-/ one of my best friends growing up knew she was adopted and has always had issues with it :(


Quoting lexiloo714:

They really should have been open with him about it from a lot younger age. SO wasn't told he was adopted until his early 20's and it did not go over well. My cousins were told they were adopted from maybe 4-5 years old and explained in a very loving and age appropriate way. They are both wonderful young men who have no issues or resentments because of being adopted.

Not saying this is how it will go with your son, this is just my experience. I hope everything works out smoothly and for the best with you and him and his adoptive parents.

M0M0F03
by Silver Member on May. 16, 2013 at 8:26 AM

I wish they would have told him he was adopted his entire life instead of waiting. I know from family experience this might not go well. I hope for your sake it will, if he is angry, it likely won't be directed at you, but at the family he trusted.

lexiloo714
by Gold Member on May. 16, 2013 at 8:27 AM
I completely understand that, everyone reacts differently and it's so hard on the adoptive parents not knowing how the child will react.
I know if I were in that situation I would tell them but I don't know what age.
I think the hard part for my SO was the information came out in an argument and it wasn't even his parents who told him.


Quoting Anonymous:

It'd so hard to know what to do :-/ one of my best friends growing up knew she was adopted and has always had issues with it :(




Quoting lexiloo714:

They really should have been open with him about it from a lot younger age. SO wasn't told he was adopted until his early 20's and it did not go over well. My cousins were told they were adopted from maybe 4-5 years old and explained in a very loving and age appropriate way. They are both wonderful young men who have no issues or resentments because of being adopted.


Not saying this is how it will go with your son, this is just my experience. I hope everything works out smoothly and for the best with you and him and his adoptive parents.


AmaliaD
by Platinum Member on May. 16, 2013 at 8:28 AM

they are going to mess him up.   its wrong to raise an adopted child without telling them until they graduate.   thats insane.   i didnt know anyone still operated like that.   very sad.    i feel sorry for him.    i wonder why they would screw with his mind that way. 

Hilary799
by Gold Member on May. 16, 2013 at 8:29 AM

I hope things go well, but do encourage them to wait until another day, just in case. He may know subconsciously, but that won't mean it isn't hard to take in. *Hugs*


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 16, 2013 at 8:31 AM
Oh my, I don't think that was appropriate :(


Quoting lexiloo714:

I completely understand that, everyone reacts differently and it's so hard on the adoptive parents not knowing how the child will react.

I know if I were in that situation I would tell them but I don't know what age.

I think the hard part for my SO was the information came out in an argument and it wasn't even his parents who told him.




Quoting Anonymous:

It'd so hard to know what to do :-/ one of my best friends growing up knew she was adopted and has always had issues with it :(






Quoting lexiloo714:

They really should have been open with him about it from a lot younger age. SO wasn't told he was adopted until his early 20's and it did not go over well. My cousins were told they were adopted from maybe 4-5 years old and explained in a very loving and age appropriate way. They are both wonderful young men who have no issues or resentments because of being adopted.



Not saying this is how it will go with your son, this is just my experience. I hope everything works out smoothly and for the best with you and him and his adoptive parents.



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 16, 2013 at 8:31 AM

I honestly don't know why they are doing it that day.  I expressed to them that maybe they could tell him that he is adopted but leave out the who for now.  Or maybe wait a day or two.  They said they would consider it but who knows what is going on in their minds.  I know they wanted to wait until he graduated to tell him who I was but I was expecting the day of.  

Quoting idunno1234:

Wait....he's 18 years old and on the day of his graduation they're going to tell him he's adopted???  And on top of that they're going to introduce you, a lifelong "family friend" as his biomom??

Why would they wait so long and why would they do it on the day of his graduation?   Am I missing something here??



momto3B
by Gold Member on May. 16, 2013 at 8:32 AM

The parents have not told him he is adopted??? He is about to go to college and they are going to tell him NOW???? 

I am an adoptive mom and that just goes against EVERYTHING that has been learned about how to comunicate with an adoptive child about their life. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 16, 2013 at 8:34 AM

When I put him up for adoption his parents told me it had to be on their terms when they told him.  I have wanted to tell him so many times.  I actually don't know how they have kept anyone else from telling him.  His parents are friends of my mothers.


Quoting TableforSeven:

They never told him that he was adopted!?  Wow - that poor kid.  I wouldn't worry about him being upset about your choice as much as the pain and shock is abut to feel, at 18 years old, being told for the first time that he was adopted!

I grew up knowing that I was adopted.  It was part of who I am and my parents never hid it from me.  I would neve have been able to forgive them if they hadn't told me until I was an adult!



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