Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

This should be interesting *UPDATE* on page 3

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I have an 18 year old son that thinks that I am just a family friend.  I had him when I was 14 and decided to have an open adoption.  Through the years I have seen him at cookouts and birthdays.  I get school pictures and have gone to all his school plays and anything else I could go to.  His parents are great about letting me into their lives.  Well they came over last night without him because they wanted to chat with me.  They told me that after his graduation from HS in a week that they were going to tell him he was adopted.  I knew that they were going to do this but I didn't think they would do it that day! And now I am so nervous.  I am going to both his graduation and his graduation party with my husband, not his father and our kids.  I hope he isn't angry with me for my decision.  I only wanted to do the best for him.

FYI his father is aware of him but never wanted anything to do with him other than an occasional picture.  My husband knows he is mine as well and is very understanding about it. 

Posted by Anonymous on May. 16, 2013 at 8:07 AM
Replies (21-29):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 16, 2013 at 8:37 AM

I am in shock too.  I had no idea that they planned to do it that day.  At first it was when he was old enough to understand and then it was when he was a teenager and now this.  I think in their mind it will be a good thing but I am so unsure now.  He deserves to know but I was hoping knowing in another way.


Quoting momto3B:

The parents have not told him he is adopted??? He is about to go to college and they are going to tell him NOW???? 

I am an adoptive mom and that just goes against EVERYTHING that has been learned about how to comunicate with an adoptive child about their life. 



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 16, 2013 at 8:39 AM

When they came over I asked them if they thought it was a good idea and expressed my concern.  It is supposed to be his day to be happy and celebrate.  It is out of my hands but I did let them know I wish they would wait a few days or do it before that day.


Quoting Hilary799:

I hope things go well, but do encourage them to wait until another day, just in case. He may know subconsciously, but that won't mean it isn't hard to take in. *Hugs*



TableforSeven
by Platinum Member on May. 16, 2013 at 8:39 AM

Well they have done that poor boy a HUGE disservice by not telling him already.  I feel very sorry for him and the horrible situation he is about to have thrust on him. Hopefully they can at least wait until after his graduation day...but, if not - I hope everyone is ready for the huge fall-out issues.

Quoting Anonymous:

When I put him up for adoption his parents told me it had to be on their terms when they told him.  I have wanted to tell him so many times.  I actually don't know how they have kept anyone else from telling him.  His parents are friends of my mothers.


Quoting TableforSeven:

They never told him that he was adopted!?  Wow - that poor kid.  I wouldn't worry about him being upset about your choice as much as the pain and shock is abut to feel, at 18 years old, being told for the first time that he was adopted!

I grew up knowing that I was adopted.  It was part of who I am and my parents never hid it from me.  I would neve have been able to forgive them if they hadn't told me until I was an adult!





momto3B
by Silver Member on May. 16, 2013 at 8:40 AM

They have to tell him but there is likely to be a lot of fallout. It is quite the betrayal to withhold that information for so long. The fact that he already knows you probably won't help, it only makes you an accomplice. 

I am so sorry.  My DH's BF went through this and it took him years to put it behind him. I hope your sitation is different. Could you suggest to his parents that they have a good therapist lined up for him in the event that he needs a third party to speak to?


Quoting Anonymous:

I am in shock too.  I had no idea that they planned to do it that day.  At first it was when he was old enough to understand and then it was when he was a teenager and now this.  I think in their mind it will be a good thing but I am so unsure now.  He deserves to know but I was hoping knowing in another way.


Quoting momto3B:

The parents have not told him he is adopted??? He is about to go to college and they are going to tell him NOW???? 

I am an adoptive mom and that just goes against EVERYTHING that has been learned about how to comunicate with an adoptive child about their life. 





Hilary799
by Gold Member on May. 16, 2013 at 8:41 AM

I'll be thinking about you..keep us updated.

Quoting Anonymous:

When they came over I asked them if they thought it was a good idea and expressed my concern.  It is supposed to be his day to be happy and celebrate.  It is out of my hands but I did let them know I wish they would wait a few days or do it before that day.


Quoting Hilary799:

I hope things go well, but do encourage them to wait until another day, just in case. He may know subconsciously, but that won't mean it isn't hard to take in. *Hugs*





baquick
by Ruby Member on May. 16, 2013 at 8:43 AM
They really should wait a few days to tell him. Good luck!
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 16, 2013 at 8:44 AM

His parents do have a therapist lined up. But I really don't think he will see one.  He is stubborn like me lol


Quoting momto3B:

They have to tell him but there is likely to be a lot of fallout. It is quite the betrayal to withhold that information for so long. The fact that he already knows you probably won't help, it only makes you an accomplice. 

I am so sorry.  My DH's BF went through this and it took him years to put it behind him. I hope your sitation is different. Could you suggest to his parents that they have a good therapist lined up for him in the event that he needs a third party to speak to?


Quoting Anonymous:

I am in shock too.  I had no idea that they planned to do it that day.  At first it was when he was old enough to understand and then it was when he was a teenager and now this.  I think in their mind it will be a good thing but I am so unsure now.  He deserves to know but I was hoping knowing in another way.


Quoting momto3B:

The parents have not told him he is adopted??? He is about to go to college and they are going to tell him NOW???? 

I am an adoptive mom and that just goes against EVERYTHING that has been learned about how to comunicate with an adoptive child about their life. 







hp2011
by Ruby Member on May. 16, 2013 at 8:48 AM
They shouldn't tell him that day ... wtf
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 24, 2013 at 11:42 AM

They decided to tell him a day early, today.  So I will give a better update later.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured