Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I no longer have my child... ask me anything...

Posted by Anonymous
  • 84 Replies

I've never done one of these before, so I thought I'd give it a shot. I live in a different state than my DD. I gave her to a good friend when I became homeless because I didn't want that kind of life for her. Well, I'm better off now, but she's become so close to my friend that taking her away and having her come live with me (practically a stranger) would break her little heart and I don't think I could do it. She has a surrogate mother, father (not living in the house), grandparents, and even a younger sister and a dog living with my friend. She's loved and very well taken care of, but I do still hold some guilt for how it all turned out. I will probably always feel like a failure as a mother. And it's worse now because I know my fiance wants kids of his own, but I don't feel it's fair to my DD that I didn't keep her, but I'm having other children... 

She is going to be 6 in July, and I haven't seen her face-to-face since she was 2. She knows who I am, but I'm not mommy anymore, she now calls me by my first name and my friend is "mommy". I'm ok with it, but it definitely hurts a little. Well, there's to get you started, any questions, feel free to ask.


I miss her every day. 

I would love to visit her, but I had to stop because she'd have nightmares after we saw each other. Her guardian and I believe my ex may have molested her and seeing me triggers the memories. We now also live in different states. 

She is not adopted, it is temporary guardianship that I can revoke at any time.

When she is older, I plan on telling her everything. That is if she's willing to talk to me and doesn't hate me. I was in a similar situation with my mother when I was a little girl and I hated my mother for years because of it. I just hope she can find it in her heart to forgive me like I was never able to with my own mother.

I do pay child support because her guardian recieves food stamps for her. 

I was homeless off and on for almost two years. And then I was in an abusive relationship. While I didn't have sense enough to leave him, at least I had enough sense to keep her FAR away from him. I originally became homeless because I lost my job and was unable to find anything. I did eventually find another job, but by that time, I was living with the scum that beat me up. When I left him, I had to leave the state because he wouldn't stop following me around town. I still can't go back because now my DD and her family have moved to the town my ex lives. I wish I could move closer to her, but I fear that man too much. He was arrested for what he did to me, but because of technicalities and his past, he was released with a little bit of probation and a crappy restraining order. 

And some of you are right. I was selfish in picking an abusive asshole over her. But I didn't know he was abusive at first. The first few months were great. We got our own place and got her room set up and she was going to come live with us and we were gonna be a family. Then the shit hit the fan and I recieved my first concussion. I kept postponing my DD living with us until I finally told her guardian what was going on. By then, I felt it was too late for me, but I wanted to make sure she'd never have to see it. So we moved to a smaller apartment. And by that point, he had me feeling that I was a worthless mother and I was just worthless as a person. I believed him for the longest time until I met a woman at work who became one of my best friends and showed me HE was the worthless one. I hit back one day and left. I became homeless again because of it and shortly after, lost my job because he kept showing up there. This is why I had to leave the state. He made it impossible for me to even go to the store. It was a very small town and I kept having to go to different friend's houses because he'd eventually find me.

We think it was her father that may have molested her, not the abusive ex. Her father and I lived together until she was 1 1/2. I didn't meet my abusive ex until she was almost 3.

Posted by Anonymous on May. 16, 2013 at 8:44 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by Anonymous 2 on May. 16, 2013 at 8:46 PM
Do you miss her?
by on May. 16, 2013 at 8:46 PM

You could still visit and be part of her life. Maybe start slow with pics and a letter.

by Emerald Member on May. 16, 2013 at 8:47 PM

Is she legally adopted?

by Anonymous 3 on May. 16, 2013 at 8:47 PM
I'm in the same situation. I gave her to my aunt. She turns 3 this year.
by Anonymous 4 on May. 16, 2013 at 8:47 PM
6 moms liked this

Do you play candy crush?

by Anonymous 5 on May. 16, 2013 at 8:47 PM
Why are you on this site since your not really a mother?
by on May. 16, 2013 at 8:47 PM
When she's older are you going to tell her the whole story?
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 16, 2013 at 8:47 PM

every day.

Quoting Anonymous:

Do you miss her?

by Beach Bum on May. 16, 2013 at 8:47 PM
3 moms liked this

Delete this dear. If you don't this will turn into a why are you here because you aren't a mom hate post.

by FriendoftheFoot on May. 16, 2013 at 8:47 PM
1 mom liked this

I find this very sad. It sounds like you made the best choice you could at the time but I can't imagine how hard that had to be.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)