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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I Want To Adopt

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 59 Replies

But I can't seem to get DH to get on board with it. He wants to exhaust all of our other options to conceive a child of "our own" before he considers adopting. However, as acceptable as it is for me to be constantly poked and prodded and have invasive procedures done to MAYBE finally be able to conceive and carry to term, he refuses to go have a simple sperm analysis done.

We have been trying for four years. We have had two miscarriages. They have not been able to find any thing wrong with me, as of yet, that could explain why I have such a difficult time being able to get pregnant and carry a happy, healthy child to term.

All we want is to be parents. It has been all we (more specifically, he) have wanted from the other since we first started dating. While it would be great to be able to experience pregnancy and labor and seeing a child that we created, I am to the point that I just want to be a mommy so bad. I don't care if the child I raise comes from my being or another woman's.

I would much rather do adoption than go through IVF, etc, etc. I would feel much better being able to give a child a nice, loving home to grow up in that wouldn't otherwise be able to experience that.

It is quite a mixed situation. I wish I could get him to agree to just adopt, but I understand his desire to be able to pass on his genes. And goodness, would we make some cute children!

For any mommas that were stuck between TTC and adopting, how did you choose?

For the adoptive mommas, how did your husband come around to wanting to adopt?

Posted by Anonymous on May. 19, 2013 at 5:31 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 19, 2013 at 5:44 AM

Bump?

krissy920
by Gold Member on May. 19, 2013 at 5:47 AM

Im not stuck between ttc or adoption as i have 2  beautiful little ones and  a 3rd on  the way.. but i  was adopted. My mother couldn't have kids on her own and adopted me because she wanted to be a mother. Adoption really is a beautiful thing. Your best bet would be to get the information about adoption, make a folder or something .. get in depth details about open/closed adoptions.. adoptions within and outside of your country.. information on fees and papper work.. then sit down   and show it all to him.

Dont be afraid to voice your fears or concerns with him, in fact maybe even   a few sessions with a trained professional therapist ( for both of yo u) to discuss realistically what is bothering each of you , may help.

MumsTheWord571
by Platinum Member on May. 19, 2013 at 5:48 AM
3 moms liked this
Wow. He won't go for a simple sperm test???

Tell him until HE does a test you're not doing any more!

My DH & I have always agreed we are adopting. He wants to return the favor as his mom was adopted and I just have always wanted to. We are working on it now, though we're trying to adopt a 12 yr old.
rgba
by Ruby Member on May. 19, 2013 at 5:57 AM
We chose IVF.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 19, 2013 at 5:59 AM


Quoting krissy920:

Im not stuck between ttc or adoption as i have 2  beautiful little ones and  a 3rd on  the way.. but i  was adopted. My mother couldn't have kids on her own and adopted me because she wanted to be a mother. Adoption really is a beautiful thing. Your best bet would be to get the information about adoption, make a folder or something .. get in depth details about open/closed adoptions.. adoptions within and outside of your country.. information on fees and papper work.. then sit down   and show it all to him.

Dont be afraid to voice your fears or concerns with him, in fact maybe even   a few sessions with a trained professional therapist ( for both of yo u) to discuss realistically what is bothering each of you , may help.

My father was adopted, too. I have a real soft spot for children in general, but also for the women that feel it best to "give up" their chidren to adoption. I will definitely gather up some information and all.

It is difficult because I really don't want to shovel out money to try a procedure that is less likely to take. But I am not going to force him in to adoption. It is a huge step and I want him to be comfortable with the decision.

Thank you!

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 19, 2013 at 6:02 AM


Quoting MumsTheWord571:

Wow. He won't go for a simple sperm test???

Tell him until HE does a test you're not doing any more!

My DH & I have always agreed we are adopting. He wants to return the favor as his mom was adopted and I just have always wanted to. We are working on it now, though we're trying to adopt a 12 yr old.

I am not doing anything else. They have done all the blood tests and ultrasounds and exams that they needed. I am not comfortable with IVF, etc. I am supposed to go in for a check up, but I told him that unless he gets tested, too, I'm done putting my body through that.

I wish you the best of luck with your adoption! I hope everything goes well. That is great of y'all! Especially to adopt a 12 year old. :)

shugerbit
by Bronze Member on May. 19, 2013 at 6:06 AM
1 mom liked this

my cousin was in the same boat, so they adopted and then she was happy. Right after that she got pregnant because she wasn't stressing about it anymore :) so now she has 2 lovely boys! 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 19, 2013 at 6:07 AM


Quoting shugerbit:

my cousin was in the same boat, so they adopted and then she was happy. Right after that she got pregnant because she wasn't stressing about it anymore :) so now she has 2 lovely boys! 

Aww! Beautiful! (:

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 19, 2013 at 6:23 AM
I think it's funny how he is ok wih you going through so much to conceive yet he refuses to jizz off in a cup... If his ego is much more important then figuring out the problem then he needs to drop the ivf talk and look into adoption and you need to be more outspoken and put your foot down when it comes to your body
MommyAddie
by Platinum Member on May. 19, 2013 at 6:37 AM
2 moms liked this
I'm sorry you're having problems. I know it's hard and it sucks. It took me 12 years to get pregnant.

Okay, here goes: your husband shouldn't adopt. It's not something you "come around to" as a last resort to make you parents. Successful adoptive parents adopt because they feel the desire to adopt (for its own sake.) in his current state of mind, your husband would not be the best father to an adopted child. He may come to the point where he is in the future, but that's something you have to wait and see about, not talk him into. This can't be rushed because if it doesn't happen naturally, he will feel like he did it to give in to you and not for the pure reason of wanting to father the child. Resentment will follow.

My two oldest children are adopted. I wanted to adopt since I was a little girl. When I was getting married to ky exhusband, we both said we wanted to adopt children, way before we knew I would have problems conceiving. We adopted because we wanted to experience adoption. It was wonderful and fulfilling, but it never did replace my desire to be pregnant and give birth (one cannot replace the other.)


In the end, I'm blessed to experience both. I had a desire for both and I
wouldn't be whole without both.

Please think long and hard as you consider this. Adoption is not a last resort when done for the right reasons.
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