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Could you forgive him? (Semi Long) ****update****

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 91 Replies

Background my brother is 6 yrs older (I'm 25 he's 31) he doesn't have any kids, he's always been the type of person to make fun of other & thinks it's funny even though the stuff he says is mean and stupid. I had 2 kids at the time ds who was 3 ( he is mentally & physically disabled) and dd who was 1.

my brother and I got into argument at our parents house a little over a year ago, it started out him being an ass to my mom saying things "like when you get old I'm just going to put you in a nursing home" so I responded with "you can live with me mom I wouldn't do that to you". Then he starts on me about how I look like a skunk (my hair was blonde and black), how fat I am (even though he weighs 100lbs more than me and his wife is bigger than me) so I run my mouth back to him. So he starts on DH (even though he wasn't there & I never said anything about my SIL) about how he'll never amount to anything, and he's cheating on me (which he wasn't & my mom told me later my brother was worried about his wife cheating on him). Since that wasn't getting to me he starts on my kids saying I should have aborted ds or gave him up for adoption bc he's nothing but a charity case, and that my kids look like pieces of shit & will always be shit bc they're mine. He said the only reason he ever bought them anything for Christmas or their birthday is bc he felt sorry for them.

i haven't talked to him since and for about the last 6 months he keeps telling my parents he wants to apologize for what he said. We didn't go to thanksgiving or Christmas at my parents bc I knew he would be there, and Dh is still super pissed about what he said to point he wants to hit him, so I know having them in the same room wouldn't be good. My brother keeps showing up at my parents house everytime my kids go over there bc dd comes home talking about him & my parents admit he stops by to see the kids.

My question is would you be able to forgive him? If I decided to (not saying I am) but how would I get dh to also forgive? & thanks in advance for any feedback

****************update***********  I just went to the grocery store with dd to get a couple items when I saw my brother and his wife. They didn't say a damn thing to me, the couple of times I seen them in the store, or when they were one person behind me in line. My SIL just kept giving me weird looks like an oh shit I got caught stairing face and would shake her head when she looked away, and my brother kept acting like he didn't see me. I'm starting to think my mom's full of shit about him wanting to apologize...

Posted by Anonymous on May. 19, 2013 at 8:58 AM
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Replies (1-10):
3xangel
by *Angelicious* on May. 19, 2013 at 9:03 AM
Yes I would forgive him, especially since he's acknowledging that he messed up and he's trying to reach out and correct the incident.

Your dh will have to make the choice to forgive on his own.
scarletmeshell
by Platinum Member on May. 19, 2013 at 9:04 AM
I think that is a cholice only you can make. If you want to repair the relationship I would talk to him and lay down some ground rules. As far as you husband is concerned, he needs to make his own choice and you should respect that. Good luck!
quickbooksworm
by Ruby Member on May. 19, 2013 at 9:04 AM
I think he needs to apologize before you ask about forgiving him. He keeps telling your parents he wants to but hasn't done it.
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IamMex11
by JorgematoTM on May. 19, 2013 at 9:07 AM

if your brother wants to genuinely apologize you should forgive him.  you should forgive him anyway for the sanity of your parents, can you imagine how hard this is for them.  tell your husband (because he is going with your vibe) that you think you ought to let by gones be by gones. and give it and your parents a rest.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 19, 2013 at 9:09 AM



Quoting scarletmeshell:

I think that is a cholice only you can make. If you want to repair the relationship I would talk to him and lay down some ground rules. As far as you husband is concerned, he needs to make his own choice and you should respect that. Good luck!


Thanks I talked to DH the other night & he said he doesn't ever want to be around him not even for holidays, I want to forgive my brother but at the same time I don't want DH to feel like I'm choosing sides or something 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 19, 2013 at 9:12 AM


I won't talk to him, I had a baby in December & he told my parents he wanted to stop by the hospital but I told my parents to let him know he's not welcome, & he has called bc I told them not to give him my new phone number

Quoting quickbooksworm:

I think he needs to apologize before you ask about forgiving him. He keeps telling your parents he wants to but hasn't done it.


Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 19, 2013 at 9:13 AM
I agree with a PP. So far your brother has only talked about trying to apologize but has taken no action. I assume he knows where you live or your telephone number. Coming by your house, writing a heartfelt letter or even a telephone call would be an attempt at an apology. Talking to your parents about it means nothing. Sure he was being an ass but when he spoke so rudely about your children, he went way over the line. And if I was your DH, I'd be wanting to give your brother a fat nose as well!
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 19, 2013 at 9:15 AM


I understand that, my dad is always fighting with at least one of his siblings bc they always owe him money (right now hes not talking to 3 of them bc of it) and I know it bothers my grandma a lot.

Quoting IamMex11:

if your brother wants to genuinely apologize you should forgive him.  you should forgive him anyway for the sanity of your parents, can you imagine how hard this is for them.  tell your husband (because he is going with your vibe) that you think you ought to let by gones be by gones. and give it and your parents a rest.



scarletmeshell
by Platinum Member on May. 19, 2013 at 9:16 AM

 

That is too bad about your husband.

Quoting Anonymous:

 

 

Quoting scarletmeshell:

I think that is a cholice only you can make. If you want to repair the relationship I would talk to him and lay down some ground rules. As far as you husband is concerned, he needs to make his own choice and you should respect that. Good luck!

 

Thanks I talked to DH the other night & he said he doesn't ever want to be around him not even for holidays, I want to forgive my brother but at the same time I don't want DH to feel like I'm choosing sides or something 


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 19, 2013 at 9:17 AM
Fuck no, and he would not be allowed to see them when they're with their gparents either .
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