And this is why. She is 14 and ALWAYS complaining about our house.It's a nice 5 bedroom place but it's not as nice as her mom's house. Also don't have as many nice things. They have flat screen TVS in just about every room, we have one in the living room, they have every channel you can think of, we have basic cable and netflix (though we also have a lot of DVDs and blue rays too). At her mom's house, they each have their own computer, we have 2 to share between me, DH and the 5 kids we have between the two of us (2 are mine with my ex, 1 is his with his es, and 2 are ours together, though they are too young to use computers).DH moved into an apartment after the divorce and then into the home we live in now (which I bought on my own) after we got engaged.
Just about every word out of her mouth is complaining about how we don't have something that her mom has. My DH always feels like shit about himself when she does it and he even apologizes for it. Now the reason why we don't have as much is 1. instead of fighting his ex for his half of the house when they divorced, which she had no way of giving him his share without selling the house and splitting the equity, he walked away from it so that his DD could stay in the home she was raised in and so she wouldn't have to switch schools, she was 11 when they divorced. And 2. he also pays a crap load of child support 28% of his income because his ex doesn't work (here they use both parents income, not just the father's to determine child support so if his ex worked, he wouldn't pay as much, it would be more like 20%.) He also pays even more for extras like SDD being in Cheerleading because her mom won't pay for any more then 25% of it.
Last night, she was complaining because her mom told her that they would be having crab and she wanted us to have crab too. That wasn't in our budget. I had already bought the food for the week and crab wasn't among the planned dinners. She flipped out, she said "I am so sick of being here, it's crap and y'all don't have anything".
I had enough. I looked at her straight in the eyes and said, "don't you ever wonder why you and your mom got to stay in that house you live in when your parents got divorced? Why you didn't have to leave the only home you had ever known and probably leave your school too? It's because instead of your parents selling the house and splitting the money so that he could buy himself a place, and he did that because he wanted you to have the best. He didn't want you to have to move so he too a small apartment and now that we are married, this is what we have. If he had the money from half of your mom's house, would would have bought a nicer home and would have more things. On top of that, your dad pays child support to your mom to help support you over there plus he pays $450 for your cheerleading every year". I told her that I didn't tell her this to make her feel bad, her dad is and was happy to do all he has done for her, it just would be nice if she would stop putting him down.
Maybe I overstepped but I think that once she starts putting down my home, I have every right to say something.
To be clear, before I get bashed on these things
I have no problem that DH walked away from that house. When he told me that, I knew he was a great guy to do that for his child. I also have no problem that he pays child support, I think that is his responsibility and would never question that. It is more then many men pay but it is what the court ordered so that's that.
We are not broke. We live comfortably, we just don't live as well as DH's ex. If he had gone for his half of the house, we would be living better then her.