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Its not about SAH or going to work, its about the fact that there is no "village"

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

When I was little, my mom had to leave me with my grandparents for like 4 years, off and on. She came to the states with my dad here, like most immigrants, looking for a better opportunity for my dad, herself, and me.

And we def found more accessibility here. More opportunity.


Anyways, my time with my grandparents, I remember it very fondly. In  the morning I would get eggs with my grandma from the chicken coup and my grandfather would talk to me and play me and talk to me about God, the bible, etc. He was a baptist pastor. We spent a lot of time at the church.


My mom would stay with us for two months then she'd have to leave again, for about 2 months.


My aunts, uncles, cousins were always around. There was always a trip we had to go on. It was fun. It was def the same values my mom had.


Finally, the opportunity arose that my mom could take me with her and off with her I went to the states. How I missed my family. My grandparents especially. I cried and cried. They tried to give me toys and I thought, "I don't want your plastic american toys! I want my chicken coup and my grandma and grandpa!"

I mean, that is how I felt as a child. And here we are. Now, I'm married with a kid of my own. There was certainly opportunity. I became a citizen, graudated in engineering, etc. And, don't get me wrong, I love this country, my country and all the opportunities it has afforded me and now my son.


But I don't have the village I had in my home country. My son doesn't have that village. My mom is working to cover her bills. I have the choice of so many other american moms: go to work or stay home with my kid. In my home country, there was a third choice: the village.

My son could have be with his grandparents (but my mom is working) or with his uncle and aunts (they are in Vzla) but if they were here, they would probably be always working.


The states have a lot of opportunity and a lot of material things that in places like my home country, could never be attainable. But its hard to find a village with people that have enough time to spend together, so that the children can be raised in it among everybody


Its probable that I am making it more idealistic than it really is and or was...

what do you all think?

Posted by Anonymous on May. 20, 2013 at 10:09 AM
Replies (11-20):
by Platinum Member on May. 20, 2013 at 10:32 AM
Villages would be quite handy.
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by Anonymous 4 on May. 20, 2013 at 10:37 AM

I have the same problem, I don't have that "village" either. It's just me, even as a married woman, I feel most of the time as if it's just me. There is no on to step in, in my absence. I certainly don't need someone to step in often as a sahm, but there are times I need the help, and the help is not there, and many times I really want to go back to my career, but who takes care of the kids while I'm pursuing that?

by Gold Member on May. 20, 2013 at 10:40 AM
My family, including many of my in laws, are my village. I stay home with my dd, and go to school. My mil lives 10 minutes away, and my sil lives 20 minutes away. Neither works, and they both adore dd and she spends a lot of time there. My parents are a few hours away, but they are always volunteering to take dd for a week, the summer (no!) or whatever. I have 9 weeks left of pregnancy and my family has really rallied around me. They are a fantabulous village. :)
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by on May. 20, 2013 at 10:41 AM

Some people have their village here,but you're right most don't.

by spitfire_bobbie on May. 20, 2013 at 10:43 AM
We definitely have a village. I can't imagine not having the people I do.
by Ruby Member on May. 20, 2013 at 10:44 AM
IMO it definitely takes a village. I'm glad I have the support of my family and DFs family.
by Ruby Member on May. 20, 2013 at 10:57 AM
I have a village. My inlaws are around. We see them all the time and we help each other out. My neighborhood looks out for each other. They are always helping me out when dh is away with work. We have kids all over the place and we all look out for them.
by on May. 20, 2013 at 11:01 AM

 My kid has a village and I'm lucky. From his daycare provider, my mom, my sisters and all his cousins


by on May. 20, 2013 at 11:05 AM
My family lives not all that far.
20 min?
They have watched my kids for a total of 3 hrs in 4 years.
No village here
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 20, 2013 at 11:59 AM


Quoting Anonymous:

I am in a "village", figuratively and literally.  But I had to work hard to find my niche and having little ones sort of forced my hand.  We don't have family here and we aren't religious, but I put my shyness aside and became "outgoing".  I went to the library, made friends with the librarians, and with their assistance, I started a book club.  I found a pediatrician in our community who told me about a mother's group with similar aged kids, and I joined.  I went to the small, independently owned businesses instead of the Walmart and chatted with the business owners.  I volunteered to help with community events and attended town meetings.  Now, DH and I feel we truely are part of a close knit community.

 That's awesome!

I love that american attitude!

If you want something, make it happen!

Yeah, I do struggle with being "outgoing". I think my son will help me give me that "hump" to go out and say hello :)

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