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Your working husband isn't raising his kids!!

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Now, how dumb does that sound?
by on May. 20, 2013 at 10:26 AM
Replies (241-249):
BlueRay
by Silver Member on May. 20, 2013 at 4:35 PM
Yes of course but their lessons, values, all care, and discipline comes from me. I love my husband more than life itself but other than paying the bills he will have little to do with how they turn out.


Quoting macbudsmom:

Of course he is having an impact... he is busting his butt to provide for them and to allow you to stay home with them... is that not a HUGE impact???



Quoting Anonymous:

I actually agree. My husband works too much to truly have an impact on their rearing.





Foleygirl24
by on May. 20, 2013 at 4:44 PM

He would be working 70-80 hr weeks whether we had kids or not, he's an attorney (as am I, just not at the moment). And I most certainly am the one who makes sure DS's basic needs are met. I'm the one buying the food, the clothes, putting him to sleep (most nights), feeding him, etc. DH provides for it all, which is equally important, but he can't feed DS lunch while he's sitting in court for trial. As much as he and I love Star Trek, I'm pretty sure that technology hasn't been invented yet :-)

Quoting macbudsmom:

But you aren't making sure the child's basic needs are met... He is.

Additionally, is he choosing to be gone that much of the time, working over time,  or does he do it to provide you and ds this SAH lifestyle?


Quoting Foleygirl24:

First of all, I never said I was raising DS alone, just that the vast majority of it falls to me. And I fail to see the distinction between "raising" and "care taking". The day to day care is what's involved with "raising" the kids. I would define "raising" to mean instilling values/morals, teaching both appropriate behavior and intellectual/motor skills, disciplining, playing with them, etc. In addition to making sure basic needs are met, of course. DH can't do that if he's physically not present, it's just not possible.  Yeah, DH does this stuff when he's home, but that's probably only 20% of DS's waking life, at most. So to say that DH is equally responsible for raising the kids just doesn't add up!


Quoting macbudsmom:

I think if you changed "raising" to "care taking" I could better accept that contention.

You may be providing there day to day care by yourself, but you are not raising them alone.


Quoting Foleygirl24:

I think the thing that is confusing the issue is that (IMO and in the opinion of many SAHMs on this thread) providing for and raising the kids are not the same thing. They are equally important, but they are definitely two different issues. DH does the vast majority of the providing, and I do the vast majority of the raising. That doesn't make either of us less or more valuable than the other, and the roles could easily be reversed. To say that that makes DH nothing more than a paycheck is the same as saying a SAHM is nothing more than a nanny.


Quoting macbudsmom:

No lol I am the one advocating against that.


Quoting Foleygirl24:

I agree with you. I just fail to see how that renders him "just a paycheck". From what you and other working moms on here have said, that seems to be YOUR opinion of dads with SAH wives.


Quoting macbudsmom:

His role is integral.  He does that to allow you and the children the lifestyle you have.  He allows you to be a SAHM.


Quoting Foleygirl24:

Well, my DH does very little with the actual raising of the kids, but that's because he is gone for 80% of the time that DS is awake. That's just a fact. It has nothing to do with his value as a parent. By that logic, working mom's are nothing more than a paycheck too (NOT MY OPINION).


Quoting macbudsmom:

Many on this post are saying their man doesn't raise the kids or does so very little.  It's those SAHMs who de-value the role their husband plays in the family.


Quoting Foleygirl24:

I don't even know what that means. So if you're a SAHM you only think of your husband as a paycheck? I don't get it.


Quoting Anonymous:

I find it disgusting that most of these poor husbands are nothing more than paychecks.























macbudsmom
by Ruby Member on May. 20, 2013 at 4:47 PM

If DH is choosing career over family then he is failing both of you.  There is a difference in providing vs working more than necessary.  Not all attorneys work that much.


Quoting Foleygirl24:

He would be working 70-80 hr weeks whether we had kids or not, he's an attorney (as am I, just not at the moment). And I most certainly am the one who makes sure DS's basic needs are met. I'm the one buying the food, the clothes, putting him to sleep (most nights), feeding him, etc. DH provides for it all, which is equally important, but he can't feed DS lunch while he's sitting in court for trial. As much as he and I love Star Trek, I'm pretty sure that technology hasn't been invented yet :-)

Quoting macbudsmom:

But you aren't making sure the child's basic needs are met... He is.

Additionally, is he choosing to be gone that much of the time, working over time,  or does he do it to provide you and ds this SAH lifestyle?


Quoting Foleygirl24:

First of all, I never said I was raising DS alone, just that the vast majority of it falls to me. And I fail to see the distinction between "raising" and "care taking". The day to day care is what's involved with "raising" the kids. I would define "raising" to mean instilling values/morals, teaching both appropriate behavior and intellectual/motor skills, disciplining, playing with them, etc. In addition to making sure basic needs are met, of course. DH can't do that if he's physically not present, it's just not possible.  Yeah, DH does this stuff when he's home, but that's probably only 20% of DS's waking life, at most. So to say that DH is equally responsible for raising the kids just doesn't add up!


Quoting macbudsmom:

I think if you changed "raising" to "care taking" I could better accept that contention.

You may be providing there day to day care by yourself, but you are not raising them alone.


Quoting Foleygirl24:

I think the thing that is confusing the issue is that (IMO and in the opinion of many SAHMs on this thread) providing for and raising the kids are not the same thing. They are equally important, but they are definitely two different issues. DH does the vast majority of the providing, and I do the vast majority of the raising. That doesn't make either of us less or more valuable than the other, and the roles could easily be reversed. To say that that makes DH nothing more than a paycheck is the same as saying a SAHM is nothing more than a nanny.


Quoting macbudsmom:

No lol I am the one advocating against that.


Quoting Foleygirl24:

I agree with you. I just fail to see how that renders him "just a paycheck". From what you and other working moms on here have said, that seems to be YOUR opinion of dads with SAH wives.


Quoting macbudsmom:

His role is integral.  He does that to allow you and the children the lifestyle you have.  He allows you to be a SAHM.


Quoting Foleygirl24:

Well, my DH does very little with the actual raising of the kids, but that's because he is gone for 80% of the time that DS is awake. That's just a fact. It has nothing to do with his value as a parent. By that logic, working mom's are nothing more than a paycheck too (NOT MY OPINION).


Quoting macbudsmom:

Many on this post are saying their man doesn't raise the kids or does so very little.  It's those SAHMs who de-value the role their husband plays in the family.


Quoting Foleygirl24:

I don't even know what that means. So if you're a SAHM you only think of your husband as a paycheck? I don't get it.


Quoting Anonymous:

I find it disgusting that most of these poor husbands are nothing more than paychecks.

























Foleygirl24
by on May. 20, 2013 at 5:00 PM

He's not choosing career over family and he's not working more than necessary. He works as much as he has to in order to competently do his job, a work ethic which is sadly lacking in today's society. Yeah there are days when he doesn't feel like staying at the office finishing that brief, but if he doesn't then his client goes to jail. I don't know any attorneys our age who work less than that... the attorneys who work normal hours are either partnered, close to retirement, or barely making enough to provide for themselves, let alone anyone else. Many working mom's dont financially need to work, but choose to because they want to. Does that mean they are failing their families too? Or is that just the only thing you could come up with the say in response to my last comment?


Quoting macbudsmom:

If DH is choosing career over family then he is failing both of you.  There is a difference in providing vs working more than necessary.  Not all attorneys work that much.


Quoting Foleygirl24:

He would be working 70-80 hr weeks whether we had kids or not, he's an attorney (as am I, just not at the moment). And I most certainly am the one who makes sure DS's basic needs are met. I'm the one buying the food, the clothes, putting him to sleep (most nights), feeding him, etc. DH provides for it all, which is equally important, but he can't feed DS lunch while he's sitting in court for trial. As much as he and I love Star Trek, I'm pretty sure that technology hasn't been invented yet :-)

Quoting macbudsmom:

But you aren't making sure the child's basic needs are met... He is.

Additionally, is he choosing to be gone that much of the time, working over time,  or does he do it to provide you and ds this SAH lifestyle?


Quoting Foleygirl24:

First of all, I never said I was raising DS alone, just that the vast majority of it falls to me. And I fail to see the distinction between "raising" and "care taking". The day to day care is what's involved with "raising" the kids. I would define "raising" to mean instilling values/morals, teaching both appropriate behavior and intellectual/motor skills, disciplining, playing with them, etc. In addition to making sure basic needs are met, of course. DH can't do that if he's physically not present, it's just not possible.  Yeah, DH does this stuff when he's home, but that's probably only 20% of DS's waking life, at most. So to say that DH is equally responsible for raising the kids just doesn't add up!


Quoting macbudsmom:

I think if you changed "raising" to "care taking" I could better accept that contention.

You may be providing there day to day care by yourself, but you are not raising them alone.


Quoting Foleygirl24:

I think the thing that is confusing the issue is that (IMO and in the opinion of many SAHMs on this thread) providing for and raising the kids are not the same thing. They are equally important, but they are definitely two different issues. DH does the vast majority of the providing, and I do the vast majority of the raising. That doesn't make either of us less or more valuable than the other, and the roles could easily be reversed. To say that that makes DH nothing more than a paycheck is the same as saying a SAHM is nothing more than a nanny.


Quoting macbudsmom:

No lol I am the one advocating against that.


Quoting Foleygirl24:

I agree with you. I just fail to see how that renders him "just a paycheck". From what you and other working moms on here have said, that seems to be YOUR opinion of dads with SAH wives.


Quoting macbudsmom:

His role is integral.  He does that to allow you and the children the lifestyle you have.  He allows you to be a SAHM.


Quoting Foleygirl24:

Well, my DH does very little with the actual raising of the kids, but that's because he is gone for 80% of the time that DS is awake. That's just a fact. It has nothing to do with his value as a parent. By that logic, working mom's are nothing more than a paycheck too (NOT MY OPINION).


Quoting macbudsmom:

Many on this post are saying their man doesn't raise the kids or does so very little.  It's those SAHMs who de-value the role their husband plays in the family.


Quoting Foleygirl24:

I don't even know what that means. So if you're a SAHM you only think of your husband as a paycheck? I don't get it.


Quoting Anonymous:

I find it disgusting that most of these poor husbands are nothing more than paychecks.



























macbudsmom
by Ruby Member on May. 20, 2013 at 5:09 PM

Well I'm guessing he likes what he does, but if he is only seeing his child 20% of it's life, I find that terribly sad and disheartning.  I work full time, but still see my kids more than 50% of their awake hours.


Quoting Foleygirl24:

He's not choosing career over family and he's not working more than necessary. He works as much as he has to in order to competently do his job, a work ethic which is sadly lacking in today's society. Yeah there are days when he doesn't feel like staying at the office finishing that brief, but if he doesn't then his client goes to jail. I don't know any attorneys our age who work less than that... the attorneys who work normal hours are either partnered, close to retirement, or barely making enough to provide for themselves, let alone anyone else. Many working mom's dont financially need to work, but choose to because they want to. Does that mean they are failing their families too? Or is that just the only thing you could come up with the say in response to my last comment?


Quoting macbudsmom:

If DH is choosing career over family then he is failing both of you.  There is a difference in providing vs working more than necessary.  Not all attorneys work that much.


Quoting Foleygirl24:

He would be working 70-80 hr weeks whether we had kids or not, he's an attorney (as am I, just not at the moment). And I most certainly am the one who makes sure DS's basic needs are met. I'm the one buying the food, the clothes, putting him to sleep (most nights), feeding him, etc. DH provides for it all, which is equally important, but he can't feed DS lunch while he's sitting in court for trial. As much as he and I love Star Trek, I'm pretty sure that technology hasn't been invented yet :-)

Quoting macbudsmom:

But you aren't making sure the child's basic needs are met... He is.

Additionally, is he choosing to be gone that much of the time, working over time,  or does he do it to provide you and ds this SAH lifestyle?


Quoting Foleygirl24:

First of all, I never said I was raising DS alone, just that the vast majority of it falls to me. And I fail to see the distinction between "raising" and "care taking". The day to day care is what's involved with "raising" the kids. I would define "raising" to mean instilling values/morals, teaching both appropriate behavior and intellectual/motor skills, disciplining, playing with them, etc. In addition to making sure basic needs are met, of course. DH can't do that if he's physically not present, it's just not possible.  Yeah, DH does this stuff when he's home, but that's probably only 20% of DS's waking life, at most. So to say that DH is equally responsible for raising the kids just doesn't add up!


Quoting macbudsmom:

I think if you changed "raising" to "care taking" I could better accept that contention.

You may be providing there day to day care by yourself, but you are not raising them alone.


Quoting Foleygirl24:

I think the thing that is confusing the issue is that (IMO and in the opinion of many SAHMs on this thread) providing for and raising the kids are not the same thing. They are equally important, but they are definitely two different issues. DH does the vast majority of the providing, and I do the vast majority of the raising. That doesn't make either of us less or more valuable than the other, and the roles could easily be reversed. To say that that makes DH nothing more than a paycheck is the same as saying a SAHM is nothing more than a nanny.


Quoting macbudsmom:

No lol I am the one advocating against that.


Quoting Foleygirl24:

I agree with you. I just fail to see how that renders him "just a paycheck". From what you and other working moms on here have said, that seems to be YOUR opinion of dads with SAH wives.


Quoting macbudsmom:

His role is integral.  He does that to allow you and the children the lifestyle you have.  He allows you to be a SAHM.


Quoting Foleygirl24:

Well, my DH does very little with the actual raising of the kids, but that's because he is gone for 80% of the time that DS is awake. That's just a fact. It has nothing to do with his value as a parent. By that logic, working mom's are nothing more than a paycheck too (NOT MY OPINION).


Quoting macbudsmom:

Many on this post are saying their man doesn't raise the kids or does so very little.  It's those SAHMs who de-value the role their husband plays in the family.


Quoting Foleygirl24:

I don't even know what that means. So if you're a SAHM you only think of your husband as a paycheck? I don't get it.


Quoting Anonymous:

I find it disgusting that most of these poor husbands are nothing more than paychecks.





























Foleygirl24
by on May. 20, 2013 at 6:16 PM

Well it's either that or he takes a lower paying job, forcing me to work also, and DS only sees both of us about 50% of the day. We'd both rather have one parent around 100% of the time then put him in daycare and miss out on both of us for the majority of his waking hours during the week. As he gets older and stays up later at night, of course DH will get to have more time with him. He already does a lot of his work at home after DS is in bed so he gets to come home by 6 most days. Right now DS goes to bed around 7 or 8 cause he's 3. Personally, I find it more sad and disheartening to put a child in daycare when you have the option not to, but what works for me doesn't work for everyone else.


Quoting macbudsmom:

Well I'm guessing he likes what he does, but if he is only seeing his child 20% of it's life, I find that terribly sad and disheartning.  I work full time, but still see my kids more than 50% of their awake hours.


Quoting Foleygirl24:

He's not choosing career over family and he's not working more than necessary. He works as much as he has to in order to competently do his job, a work ethic which is sadly lacking in today's society. Yeah there are days when he doesn't feel like staying at the office finishing that brief, but if he doesn't then his client goes to jail. I don't know any attorneys our age who work less than that... the attorneys who work normal hours are either partnered, close to retirement, or barely making enough to provide for themselves, let alone anyone else. Many working mom's dont financially need to work, but choose to because they want to. Does that mean they are failing their families too? Or is that just the only thing you could come up with the say in response to my last comment?


Quoting macbudsmom:

If DH is choosing career over family then he is failing both of you.  There is a difference in providing vs working more than necessary.  Not all attorneys work that much.


Quoting Foleygirl24:

He would be working 70-80 hr weeks whether we had kids or not, he's an attorney (as am I, just not at the moment). And I most certainly am the one who makes sure DS's basic needs are met. I'm the one buying the food, the clothes, putting him to sleep (most nights), feeding him, etc. DH provides for it all, which is equally important, but he can't feed DS lunch while he's sitting in court for trial. As much as he and I love Star Trek, I'm pretty sure that technology hasn't been invented yet :-)

Quoting macbudsmom:

But you aren't making sure the child's basic needs are met... He is.

Additionally, is he choosing to be gone that much of the time, working over time,  or does he do it to provide you and ds this SAH lifestyle?


Quoting Foleygirl24:

First of all, I never said I was raising DS alone, just that the vast majority of it falls to me. And I fail to see the distinction between "raising" and "care taking". The day to day care is what's involved with "raising" the kids. I would define "raising" to mean instilling values/morals, teaching both appropriate behavior and intellectual/motor skills, disciplining, playing with them, etc. In addition to making sure basic needs are met, of course. DH can't do that if he's physically not present, it's just not possible.  Yeah, DH does this stuff when he's home, but that's probably only 20% of DS's waking life, at most. So to say that DH is equally responsible for raising the kids just doesn't add up!


Quoting macbudsmom:

I think if you changed "raising" to "care taking" I could better accept that contention.

You may be providing there day to day care by yourself, but you are not raising them alone.


Quoting Foleygirl24:

I think the thing that is confusing the issue is that (IMO and in the opinion of many SAHMs on this thread) providing for and raising the kids are not the same thing. They are equally important, but they are definitely two different issues. DH does the vast majority of the providing, and I do the vast majority of the raising. That doesn't make either of us less or more valuable than the other, and the roles could easily be reversed. To say that that makes DH nothing more than a paycheck is the same as saying a SAHM is nothing more than a nanny.


Quoting macbudsmom:

No lol I am the one advocating against that.


Quoting Foleygirl24:

I agree with you. I just fail to see how that renders him "just a paycheck". From what you and other working moms on here have said, that seems to be YOUR opinion of dads with SAH wives.


Quoting macbudsmom:

His role is integral.  He does that to allow you and the children the lifestyle you have.  He allows you to be a SAHM.


Quoting Foleygirl24:

Well, my DH does very little with the actual raising of the kids, but that's because he is gone for 80% of the time that DS is awake. That's just a fact. It has nothing to do with his value as a parent. By that logic, working mom's are nothing more than a paycheck too (NOT MY OPINION).


Quoting macbudsmom:

Many on this post are saying their man doesn't raise the kids or does so very little.  It's those SAHMs who de-value the role their husband plays in the family.


Quoting Foleygirl24:

I don't even know what that means. So if you're a SAHM you only think of your husband as a paycheck? I don't get it.


Quoting Anonymous:

I find it disgusting that most of these poor husbands are nothing more than paychecks.































Dzyre1115
by Desiree` on May. 20, 2013 at 6:46 PM
I said I could survive if I didn't have him!

Quoting macbudsmom:

Oh I'm sorry I thought earlier you said you would be fine if he didn't work.



Quoting Dzyre1115:

 Why would he not need to work?  Where would we get health insurance?  In addition he supports my ailing mother and help my sister and her two kids.  Yes, it definitely works for us.


Quoting macbudsmom:


Sounds like he doesn't need to work, but chooses to work a job that takes him away from his family... I could see if it was out of need, but in your case it just seems like he likes to be out on the road... But if it works for y'all I guess thats what matters.  = )




Quoting Dzyre1115:

He's a truck driver, he's simply not here and if he is here, that is our family fun or couple time. So the drudges of child rearing I take care of so we can enjoy our time together. It wouldn't bother me, because my father was the same way and had the same type of job.
Quoting macbudsmom:


So he is just a very hands off kind of person?  Doing his own thing?  Does that ever bother you?


Quoting Dzyre1115:


 I am financially independent, yes, do I live better because of him, yes, but I could survive without him without having to work.


Quoting macbudsmom:


Indpendently wealthy?




Quoting Dzyre1115:

Yes, I could raise them without his help and he prefers not to have a say in things that have to do with the children. He leaves the children to me and he takes care of where they money comes from.
Quoting macbudsmom:


Again,  could you raise them as you are without his help?  Does he not get a say in things?




Quoting Dzyre1115:

I am raising them, he is supporting them. He really has little to no input in their raising.
Quoting macbudsmom:


If you're a team, then aren't you both raising them?  Could you do what you do without him?




Quoting Dzyre1115:


 No, he isn't, I am.  We're a team.














 










 




KairisMama
by Emerald Member on May. 20, 2013 at 6:49 PM
1 mom liked this
Lol it sounds dumb as all hell. Even my father who worked 60 hours a week had a HUGE part in raising me. Mom does not get all the credit.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 20, 2013 at 6:51 PM
My husband cares for our children just as I do. I'd never insult him by thinking he's ONLY a provider.

Quoting Anonymous:


Women are the care givers for children.

Men are the providers.

I'm not for gender stereotypes but SOMEONE has to raise the children. Why have them if strangers raise them????

Most children want their moms around more than their dads because it's naturally to be more bonded to the mother.

Simple.

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