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If he didnt love me why would he make love to me...

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
My husband and I have had issues in the past and we had a huge fight a few weeks ago and he left and moved out. He moved closer to work which is an hour or so away and he's trying to rebuild his life, get a car, an apartment and so on.

Well last weekend he came by our house to spend time with the kids since he has no "home" of his own.

He told me that he does love me but he's done with our relationship that we are both "toxic" to each other that I'm a beautiful woman and I can get any man I want...but he's all I want. He's all I need.

Why would he want to see me with someone else when he says he still loves and cares for me yet we have both broken each other beyond repair...I don't get it.

I am pregnant and so I have been sexually frustrated and so I asked him if he could have his way with me seeing I obviously couldn't and wouldn't go out looking for sex.

He said he was trying to get away from me and not get closer that he didn't want to hurt anyone including himself and myself...but he agreed.

He came into our bed and made love to me, he kissed me like used to, looked me in the eyes as if he loved me and after he did get up and get dressed...but before he walked out the room he kissed my inner thigh and kissed my lips.

I can't help but feel hopeful...he didn't make me feel like just some piece of ass. I felt his love and confusion...I seen it in his face and afterwards after weeks of not talking and communicating we had conversations as if he never left. As if things were the same.

Problem is he packed up the rest of his cloths to go back to his "home", he hugged me and kissed my neck and said goodbye.

This was yesterday and I haven't spoke to him nor have I called or text vice versa. He did call to wish the kids a good day as school and that was it.

Am I reading to much into this?
Posted by Anonymous on May. 20, 2013 at 7:05 PM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 10 on May. 20, 2013 at 7:33 PM
Why aren't you guys getting counselling?
Melissa_4
by Ruby Member on May. 20, 2013 at 7:33 PM

Way too much.  It was a "last goodbye."

momhascooties
by on May. 20, 2013 at 7:33 PM

Men don't need to be in love to have sex, their heart is not directly linked to their weiner. You saw and felt what you wanted to be there. I'm sorry, I know it's hard to let go when you love someone BUT maybe you need the break. If your relationship is "toxic" than it's not good for either one of you and being in love isn't going to be enough to fix it. Have you been to counseling to deal with your issues? What made your relationship "toxic"?

I would give him the space that he is asking for, perhaps the seperation will give you the opportunity to work on yourselves and who knows, maybe you will repair your relationship down the line.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 11 on May. 20, 2013 at 7:35 PM
She booty called him!


Quoting Anonymous:

Yes - you're reading too much into this, imho. Your husband told you where he stands with you, but it seems like you ignored that and seduced him anyway.  One thing I've learned about men, most of them say what they actually mean and women then overanalyze it and make it something it isn't .  Most men can separate sex and love and most women can't.  Sorry, but I think you were just a booty call.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 12 on May. 20, 2013 at 7:35 PM
1 mom liked this
You're reading to much into it. You shouldn't even take thst route with him and i were you i wouldn't have sex with him again, it will just make it harder to move on.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 20, 2013 at 7:36 PM
In the past we talked about it and it just never happened.

Quoting Anonymous:

Why aren't you guys getting counselling?
LilliesValley
by on May. 20, 2013 at 7:37 PM

Ok, he told you plainly you are toxic for each other. You begged him for sex and just because he did it and made you not feel like trash you have hope?

Dear, no. He's a man and he's trying to make you happy while being completely honest with you and tell you it's not working. Most (not all but most) men are not going to turn down a sure thing. Sorry it's not going to happen. He may still love you and you still love him, but if you are toxic and not good for each other you aren't going to be together.

Get some therapy or something and get it together. I wouldn't read anything in to him having sex with you other than he was trying to momentarily make you happy and get some ass. He obviously is moving on and as hard as it is you need to do the same. He's being honest with you, now be honest with yourself. Continue with moving on and not trying to get back with him.

startingover82
by on May. 20, 2013 at 7:44 PM

Work on yourselves individually and maybe if things come back together they won't be toxic anymore. Don't  try to force things and don't push each other away. Break the cycle. You mentioned splitting and fighting before, the reason is bc the issues were not fixed, they had a band aid put on them. "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result" Albert Einstein.


Quoting Linus77:

You can love someone and yet choose to end the relationship.  I don't know you or your relationship, but it sounds like it's pretty drama-filled.  And it sounds like he's tired and hurting.  There just comes a time when you can't do it anymore.  High emotional relationships can be draining.  You tend to not like who you become when you are with a particular person.

Does he love you?  Yes.  But if you really want to work it out, you are going to have to make some changes.  To yourself and how you interact with him.  You shouldn't cling to him.  That's not fair.  If you love him, respect that he's at the end of his rope with your relationship.  He's doing what he has to do for his own sanity...

Get some counseling or therapy, by yourself.  Get things worked out privately to see what you can do to show him what you are willing to do for yourself and him.  Then, invite him to join you...

I don't know.  I know it hurts...but sometimes you have to do what you have to do, even if you really love someone.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 13 on May. 20, 2013 at 7:52 PM

Ha ha ha. I was engaged to be married to a guy that i thought was the guy i was actually going to marry! Well ya right! Known this guy (Well thought i did) for three yrs. The father of my unborn child.Was engaged to him for two yrs. I called it off after two yrs. Then seen each other on and off for three yrs. I am now 15 weeks pregnant. I told him as soon as i found out in march. His reaction was to get abortion. I thought that was funny reaction because when i was engaged to him we tried for this baby for two yrs. I am not with him i am pregnant with his child that i love. He now has a girlfriend and can care less about me or his baby. I love this baby so much but i can care less about him now and every time i think or see him on facebook or something i feel gross. It's sad that he doesn't care about a child we tried for two yrs. Because having children for myself is hard. I am happy that i am pregnant but he doesn't care. I did back in april have sex with him. He ended up giving me something curable. THANK YOU LORD JESUS. He makes me so sick to my stomach it's not even funny. But i felt the same way feeling that loved moment when we would have sex. Because he would make love to me to. He knows what i like. But now if he was to come near me now i would tell him to kiss my ass. He was someone i used to love but him putting me through all this and i am pregnant with our child and can give a rats ass about our child. Makes me not even care about him anymore. I understand you two were married but men like that always end up the same like every other man. Just good luck on everything. I felt the same way about him just seeing him made me happy but now seeing him makes me sick. We were very toxic to in our relationship and it wasn't good so before i was to get pregnant i called it off for good. We seen each other on and off like i said were together on and off before everything. I did everything for him. But you just have to watch out really because men like that don't care about our feelings or how we care. So i understand what you are going through.

RoseBlossom
by on May. 20, 2013 at 7:57 PM
Men don't get all emotional when they have sex. So he just had sex. If it was just like before is because you are both used to doing it that way. You are def reading too much into it
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