This man is making me crazy! Help :( Idk what to do... *edit*
I know some of you will want to tell me to leave him and get a divorce but homie don't play dat. I am going to salvage my marriage, whatever it takes. Okay, there is a limit to what I will do, but I'm not there yet. I still see a glimmer of hope...
Plus, we've been together for 10 years now and I don't feel like just throwing a big chunk of my life down the garbage disposal.
There are so many issues, I don't even know where to start so I'm going to do my best to sum things up.
More often than not he's hateful and selfish and he blames me for the way he acts. He's constantly calling me names and short with me. He's always in a bad mood. I have to mentally coach myself regularly, and find ways to remind myself that I'm not a bad person. It's taking, literally, all of my energy just to stay out of depression.
Examples of things he says to me:
This morning "I'm about ready to get a hooker just so that I have someone who is willing to touch me"
Who wants to kiss the lips that chew their ass? I don't feel warm fuzzies when I see him, and when we get in bed, I don't feel like showering him with affection. He's FUCKING MEAN. When I do try to snuggle up, he is pissed off about something I've said or done, and childishly rolls over and gives me the cold shoulder.
He was upset with me because I didn't rub his back this morning. First off, I was still half asleep and, secondly, I have something seriously wrong with my shoulders and to lay on my side and rub on his back, like he insists, kills me. My shoulders and upper back hurt 24/7 but I have to hear "You don't lift heavy stuff all day and you don't have a tumor in your back pinching nerves" Yeah, okay, but it still hurts. When I offer to do it, he doesn't want it. He only wants what he wants, when he wants it. When I do oblige, he acts entitled and is unappreciative.
He's immature, petty, cruel. I don't know why he's turning into such a monster, maybe I am enabling him somehow?
He tells me, I make him wish he was dead and that he's ready to leave and start a new life. I make him miserable, blah blah blah, every hurtful fucked up thing he can say jumbled up together.
I'm usually in a good mood, and a easy going person. He nags at me, "picks on me" (because he's just playing) until I start to get bitter. Which I fight with everything I can mentally, because I see it in myself and I know what's going on, I just can't help it sometimes. But I don't lash out, I usually just withdrawl and I'm sure my face contorts into something less than pleasant.
I go to work, I do all the stuff around the house as far as cooking and cleaning, and I do everything with the kids, school, etc. I manage all the finances. He helps too, but when he does, he acts like it's a huge deal and I should grovel at his feet...sometimes he'll act like he does it all the time, and try to make me feel guilty that he has "to do everything and go to work".
Is he just tired? Does he need a happy pill? WTF
And sometimes I do wonder, would I be better off just walking out? Hell, going to a shelter. But like I said, I'm not there yet. I haven't exhausted all other options...
He put up with my wild mood swings and weight gain, and other random issues when I had my awful birthcontrol for 4 years...
He didn't give up on me.