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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

20 Confessions That Show the Dark Side of Motherhood - Have one to add?

Posted by on May. 21, 2013 at 8:53 AM
  • 199 Replies
17 moms liked this

20 Confessions That Show the Dark Side of Motherhood

by Jill Smokler 

Last night, as I often do when I should be doing something else, I got sucked into my Scary Mommy Confessional. It's been a while since I've shared confessions, so here are some of my favorite recent ones. Can you relate to any? I certainly can ...

1. My kids are getting on my nerves so badly that I wish I could open my closet and escape to Narnia.

2. Some days, the greatest sign of my love for my family is that I refrain from strangling them.

3. I bought my 9-month-old a pair of yoga pants. Apparently neither one of us plans on ever joining polite society again.

4. I eat ice cream out of coffee mugs so that the kids won't notice and I won't have to share.

5. Saw a loaf of bread sold at nearly $6 today, and I suddenly felt really really inspired to learn how to bake my own bread at home. And then I laughed and laughed and laughed like a crazy woman, right there in the bread aisle.

6. My 1-year-old was licking something sticky off the floor. Instead of stopping her, I let her continue because lunch wasn't quite finished and it was keeping her occupied.

7. Why, yes, I did just cuss at my 6-month-old, but he started it by getting up at 4 a.m. for the morning.

8. My son likes to show his toys to his penis. I think it's his best friend. I found myself thinking this morning, "I wish I had that kind of relationship with my vagina." I think I need a hobby.

9. I think I got carpal tunnel from Candy Crush.

10. I pretend to feel bad when my toddler prefers daddy. But secretly, I'm relieved. I like the break.

11. Currently covered in pee. About to give myself a baby wipe bath. Oh the joys of motherhood.

12. My kids all sleep in their underwear because no pajamas means that much less laundry for me to wash and fold.

13. I knew I needed a break when my 2-year-old son threw an empty 5-gallon water jug at me and I could so easily envision myself picking up the jug and chucking it back at him as hard as I could!

14. Inspector Gadget would be super impressed with how far my boobs stretch. If only I could use them to fight crime.

15. I mentally tell my 13-year-old to go fuck herself at least 20 times a day.

16. To hell with tea or coffee, I can't start the day without my vibrator.

17. I can ruin an entire week of exercising and eating well with one day of PMS and access to chocolate.

18. Nothing makes me happier than a $4 bottle of Pinot Grigio.

19. I sucked breast milk from my own nipple. Just wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

20. The dog pees to mark and claim his territory. I use Cajun spices and hot sauce to mark and claim mine.

Got a confession of your own?

by on May. 21, 2013 at 8:53 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on May. 21, 2013 at 8:56 AM

Buuuump

elephantmamaof2
by Ruby Member on May. 21, 2013 at 8:58 AM
5 moms liked this

Hahahaha! My kids sleep in their underwear too, especially now that its really hot. And dh and I totally use hot sauce to claim our territory lol.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 21, 2013 at 8:59 AM
11 moms liked this

i tell my kids one more minute when i really mean 15 more minutes.

i ignore my children when they ask me for something over and over and over and over and over again.

my children also sleep in undies / diapers because its hot and why would i put pajamas on my kids when they just take them off in the middle of the night anyways.

i only dress my kids if im leaving the house with them that day.



 

tifferie
by A$$tastic on May. 21, 2013 at 9:01 AM
26 moms liked this
I don't go to the bathroom to pee, I go to hide for 5 minutes.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 21, 2013 at 9:02 AM
5 moms liked this
Sometimes I pretend to have to go to the bathroom just so daddy can deal with kiddos.
Mommy980106
by on May. 21, 2013 at 9:04 AM
7 moms liked this
Me too! I stay in there so long my husband is convinced I need to see a Dr!


Quoting tifferie:

I don't go to the bathroom to pee, I go to hide for 5 minutes.

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momofamamasboy
by Andy on May. 21, 2013 at 9:05 AM
1 mom liked this
My son has only slept in pjs while he was itty bitty. Since 2, it has been underwear only.

Quoting elephantmamaof2:

Hahahaha! My kids sleep in their underwear too, especially now that its really hot. And dh and I totally use hot sauce to claim our territory lol.

fairyflutterer
by on May. 21, 2013 at 9:05 AM
6 moms liked this

yeeks, my oldest daughter is 19, when she was like 6 she was driving me bananas! I was drinking a glass of water at the time, told her keep bugging me, Ima throw my water at you! sassy pants turns on her heel and says, nuuh you won't, I'll tell Nana, so of course, I dumped the water on her head! Pissed her off lmao! She laughs at it today though! I have 4 daughters, oldest are teenagers and all on their cycles at the same time! If I can't act a fool every now and again I would lose my mind!

muzzyh
by Gold Member on May. 21, 2013 at 9:06 AM
6 moms liked this
I secretly love dropping my kids at their dad's house every other weekend. Free time, lunch with another adult, doing what ever the fuck I feel like... Bliss!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on May. 21, 2013 at 9:06 AM
8 moms liked this

When I talk to my teen I think I need an exorcist.

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