I know this makes me sound insensitive, but..edit 5/24/13
So fast forward to now. My dh has not dealt with her death and every single time someone mentions a person passing away or someone about too, he always mentions his mom. I don't know if its the fact that he relates everything to it or the way he says it. It's just becoming to the point where I am so sick of hearing it. It just irritates me that he goes there all the time. Especially when he is drinking, it really comes out. I could go on but I think you get the point. I am about to yell at the top of my lungs people die, that's life and you knew your mom didn't want to be here anymore but you act as if this was just unexpected. Ugh!
I am only editing this because I wrote this out of frustration and didn't really explain.
My dh's mom was sick for many years, in and out of the hospital. She stopped taking her medication and we found her dead in our home. I knew something was wrong so I went in first so my dh didn't have to find his mother this way. Since then he had only expressed his feelings while drinking and refuses to get help. I have stuck by my dh because knowing how it is first hand to lose a parent. My mom was at peace when she heard the news which helped us accept she didn't have long. She was a very strong woman and so was my dh's mother but her sons never wanted to hear what she had to say. When the police arrived the acted as if there mother had no health issues and just didn't come out from the nursing home.
I am frustrated because after 11 years he won't accept help from anyone and talking to me about it is not what he wants to do because I know the dynamics about the death. He is in denial.
So for all of you saying I am an asshole or they feel sorry he is married to me.. Please! I stick by my dh and I would want nothing more then him to let it all out and grieve so he can stop beating himself up about something he could not control.