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I know this makes me sound insensitive, but..edit 5/24/13

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 117 Replies
It has been 11 years since my dh's mother passed away. It was a cycle of events that lead up to her death. At the end she was depressed with all her health issues, one being heart problems. She stopped taking her medication. No one knew until the day we found her dead.
So fast forward to now. My dh has not dealt with her death and every single time someone mentions a person passing away or someone about too, he always mentions his mom. I don't know if its the fact that he relates everything to it or the way he says it. It's just becoming to the point where I am so sick of hearing it. It just irritates me that he goes there all the time. Especially when he is drinking, it really comes out. I could go on but I think you get the point. I am about to yell at the top of my lungs people die, that's life and you knew your mom didn't want to be here anymore but you act as if this was just unexpected. Ugh!


I am only editing this because I wrote this out of frustration and didn't really explain.
My dh's mom was sick for many years, in and out of the hospital. She stopped taking her medication and we found her dead in our home. I knew something was wrong so I went in first so my dh didn't have to find his mother this way. Since then he had only expressed his feelings while drinking and refuses to get help. I have stuck by my dh because knowing how it is first hand to lose a parent. My mom was at peace when she heard the news which helped us accept she didn't have long. She was a very strong woman and so was my dh's mother but her sons never wanted to hear what she had to say. When the police arrived the acted as if there mother had no health issues and just didn't come out from the nursing home.
I am frustrated because after 11 years he won't accept help from anyone and talking to me about it is not what he wants to do because I know the dynamics about the death. He is in denial.
So for all of you saying I am an asshole or they feel sorry he is married to me.. Please! I stick by my dh and I would want nothing more then him to let it all out and grieve so he can stop beating himself up about something he could not control.
Posted by Anonymous on May. 23, 2013 at 7:51 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lucky2Beeme
by Ruby Member on May. 23, 2013 at 8:21 PM

stop letting it bug you.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 23, 2013 at 8:25 PM
I try, I really try. It's just that its getting very old and in someways I wish he would just deal with it. I don't think he has and I have suggested he talk to someone who could help.


Quoting lucky2Beeme:

stop letting it bug you.


delilahsmom1177
by on May. 23, 2013 at 8:26 PM
1 mom liked this

It is his mom. I still talk about my grandpas death a lot and that was 8 years ago. I will always think of him when I hear of someone passing and I will always talk about him. Talking about them is what keeps them alive. You are being a bitch.

I'm tattooed,pagan,pro-choice,pro-legalizing marijuana,pro-gay marriage,anti-war,non-vaxing,tree hugging,animal loving,book reading,animal testing free,depression battling, trying to raise a free spirit and letting her be who she is but still teaching her important life lessons,fighting for equal rights at the same time,don't like it get over it.

-_-
by Ruby Member on May. 23, 2013 at 8:27 PM
4 moms liked this

Yeah, you're an asshole.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 23, 2013 at 8:29 PM
No I don't think I am being a bitch. I think I just believe people should deal with their emotions when they aren't influenced by alcohol. To me that's not genuine.


Quoting delilahsmom1177:

It is his mom. I still talk about my grandpas death a lot and that was 8 years ago. I will always think of him when I hear of someone passing and I will always talk about him. Talking about them is what keeps them alive. You are being a bitch.


Redwoods_Mama
by Platinum Member on May. 23, 2013 at 8:29 PM

Have you lost a parent?

It can be surprisingly devastating and difficult to deal with. 

Sigh.  IDK.  I guess I would tell you to try figuring out a way to cope when brings her up, and be gentle with him.  He could benefit from grief counselling but it doesn't sound like he feels ready to go.

She basically went for the suicide option.  That one is particularly nasty to come to grips with, I'm told.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 23, 2013 at 8:29 PM
Not really, just being realistic


Quoting -_-:

Yeah, you're an asshole.


NikLvsNick
by Silver Member on May. 23, 2013 at 8:31 PM

my dad's parents died over 20 years ago. the only way to get my dad to talk about them is to get him drunk. it's the only way I found out how my grandmother passed away. My grandpa (my mom's dad) passed away 18 years ago. she still talks about him as well. Whenever anyone near our family passes on we talk about all the others we lost as well. it's the way we remember them.

That's really insensitive.

delilahsmom1177
by on May. 23, 2013 at 8:31 PM

YOu said it is more when he drinks. Seriously re read your OP you are complaining that when someonme dies he talks about his dead mother WTF?

Quoting Anonymous:

No I don't think I am being a bitch. I think I just believe people should deal with their emotions when they aren't influenced by alcohol. To me that's not genuine.


Quoting delilahsmom1177:

It is his mom. I still talk about my grandpas death a lot and that was 8 years ago. I will always think of him when I hear of someone passing and I will always talk about him. Talking about them is what keeps them alive. You are being a bitch.



I'm tattooed,pagan,pro-choice,pro-legalizing marijuana,pro-gay marriage,anti-war,non-vaxing,tree hugging,animal loving,book reading,animal testing free,depression battling, trying to raise a free spirit and letting her be who she is but still teaching her important life lessons,fighting for equal rights at the same time,don't like it get over it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 23, 2013 at 8:32 PM
Yes, I have lost a parent and while I think of them everyday I don't respond to someone else's grief with my story.
I know he is not ready because he really only mentions it a lot when drinking and I think that's what triggers me.

Quoting Redwoods_Mama:

Have you lost a parent?


It can be surprisingly devastating and difficult to deal with. 


Sigh.  IDK.  I guess I would tell you to try figuring out a way to cope when brings her up, and be gentle with him.  He could benefit from grief counselling but it doesn't sound like he feels ready to go.


She basically went for the suicide option.  That one is particularly nasty to come to grips with, I'm told.



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