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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My brother....

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 10 Replies

So we got some crazy news today... my brother was arrested. 

Probably not a big deal for some, but it's a big deal for us. 

My brother is 2 1/2 years older than me. He was this totally awesome kid in High School his freshman/sophomore year, and then suddenly, it's like puberty hit and he snapped. 

For one thing, he's 7 feet tall. 7'2" actually. And EVERYONE notices, asks him about it, makes jokes, etc. He shot up like that his Sophomore year and at first he ROCKED it... he was proud that he was noticed... then suddenly it became a huge source of insecurity for him. He would slouch just to try and blend in (which obviously didn't help!) and instead of people backing off with the jokes and things, they kept on. He really, REALLY hated it, but no one ever seems to think that being tall is an insecurity. Even now, we go out and people remark about his height. Total strangers. He totally hates it. He doesn't like to  be noticed and he feels like a mutant.

So there was that, on top of what I believe (and this is coming from a BS in Psychology) that he is BiPolar. It might be something else, but I'm pretty sure he's bipolar. Not being a professional, I can't diagnose him (conflict of interest!) but it was something we noticed his Sophomore/Jr year in HS. My mom tried to take him to a therapist for an evaluation and he needed a physical. Well, our family doctor at the time (who almost killed all of us at one point or another!!!!) told my mom, in front of my brother, that he was "normal" and that his mood swings and things were part of teenage boy adolescent behavior. 

K well it wasn't normal. He was in fist fights with my dad on a weekly basis. He ran away from home three-five times. He threw me down 15 steps and beat me with a bar stool. He kicked and punched through a door trying to get at me bc he was mad- bc I had the TV remote and wouldn't give it up. That's not normal!

She should have pushed harder, but she didn't. Then he gets a bit older and meets a girl, whom he dates off and on for about 4 years. He seems to be pretty stable. They moved to Rochester, MN together for a year, then he came back. He couldn't handle the weather and they broke up. She moved back as well, and a few mos later, she was expecting. They got married, had the baby, bought a house together and he had a steady job as a security guy at a halfway house... then one night when the baby was about 3 mos old, he comes home to find his wife sitting on the lap of another man. 

He got in a huge fight with his wife, packed his things, and left her. He lived an hour north of us. He shows up at my parents house at 2am pissed as hell, and moves in.

That was 6 years ago. He's still living there.

He's had periods of heavy drinking, I know he messed with coke once or twice.... but I feel like ALL of it is from depression. And the more depressed he gets, the more drastic his mood swings, the more "crazy" he gets. 

So he's been working a job in a town about 2 hours away. He's a craps dealer at a casino. One night after work he goes to the bar and gets a little too drunk. Well they kicked everyone out of the bars, and he had no where to go, so he drove home. He got pulled over and got a DUI. Instead of telling anyone, he kept it a secret. Because his daughter is his whole world and if his ex wife found out he wouldn't get his visiting priveledges any more. 

So then he gets a suspended license, and a warrant out for "failure to appear". I don't know all the legal "stuff" that goes on with that, but I know he managed to work out a deal with some community service and some lower fines and whatnot. 

Anyway, so today he got pulled over and arrested. This is like, a new low for him. And again, I KNOW it's a downward spiral bc of his depression issues. 

I don't really like the guy- for whatever reason he has ALWAYS had it out for me and I'm the target of MOST of his rage and angry outbursts. He has put me in the hospital more than once. He even beat me when I was pregnant with my first son. So no, he's not my favorite. He's dangerous and really, he's terrifying. I have no idea what he is capable of and I've seen him so angry that grabbing a bat and beating someone to death wouldn't be out of the question. 

BUT... he needs help. and he's my brother. and idk how to help him. I mean, I definitely can't. He hates me. But he and my little sister have a really solid relationship and I think she can help. And she's asking ME what to do/say to convince him to get some mental help. But we're at a loss. He won't listen when we suggest mental help. Oddly enough, he looses his shit. 

Anyway.. any suggestions? I don't want to see him lose his daughter. I feel like if he got the help he needed he wouldn't be so aggressive and angry. He wouldn't hate me and target me so much. I've forgiven him... I just can't help him. Is there a way we could ask the judge to court-order him into psychiatric evaluations?

Posted by Anonymous on May. 24, 2013 at 2:45 AM
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Replies (1-10):
AuntieM
by Gold Member on May. 24, 2013 at 2:52 AM
Talk to a lawyer. His lawyer. And let the lawyer know well of this. Maybe he can get it as part of his sentencing.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 24, 2013 at 2:54 AM


Idk if he has one... does the court give him one in this kind of situation? I know he can't afford to PAY for one.... but I'll mention that to my mom. 


Quoting AuntieM:

Talk to a lawyer. His lawyer. And let the lawyer know well of this. Maybe he can get it as part of his sentencing.



AuntieM
by Gold Member on May. 24, 2013 at 2:56 AM
They should give him a public defender if he can't afford his own.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 24, 2013 at 3:02 AM


okay we'll try that. It's so hard. it's hard on my parents, having to support him for most of his living expenses (my mom's words were that it's like having a child with a disability). And my brother... because I know whatever it is that is torturing him needs to get treated, but he's just too prideful to seek help... but I can see the torture on his face. I can see the pain that life has brought him. He's been handed a shit deck and it just SUCKS. 

I just want him to get better. For his sake and for the entire family. 

Quoting AuntieM:

They should give him a public defender if he can't afford his own.



AuntieM
by Gold Member on May. 24, 2013 at 3:03 AM
Hopefully he'll get some help out of this.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 24, 2013 at 3:04 AM
There's clinics that if u report his behavior and his insurance covers it that will admit him. My bf did that to me when I really lost myself but it helped I'm on meds now and more stable now then before.
If he's sducidal and you call 911 he will be taken to psyc ward and also diagnose anything else (also done to me by my bf).
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 24, 2013 at 3:20 AM


Idk if he has any insurance?? I'm not sure. I know Obamacare says he has too, but he works on a reservation and they are exempt from a lot of the rules.... He might be under my parents insurance. Idk. 

Idk if he's suicidal. He's never tried to kill himself or anything. I don't think it's very far outside the relm of possibility though. 

I wish we could just get him in there for a diangosis. So at the very least we would know what we are dealing with. Even if HE doesn't stay and get treatment, we could work to better understand what's going on. 

Quoting Anonymous:

There's clinics that if u report his behavior and his insurance covers it that will admit him. My bf did that to me when I really lost myself but it helped I'm on meds now and more stable now then before.
If he's sducidal and you call 911 he will be taken to psyc ward and also diagnose anything else (also done to me by my bf).



Taylorzoe
by Silver Member on May. 24, 2013 at 3:25 AM
It helps sometimes just a call. There are help lines you can call and ask what u should do


Quoting Anonymous:


Idk if he has any insurance?? I'm not sure. I know Obamacare says he has too, but he works on a reservation and they are exempt from a lot of the rules.... He might be under my parents insurance. Idk. 

Idk if he's suicidal. He's never tried to kill himself or anything. I don't think it's very far outside the relm of possibility though. 

I wish we could just get him in there for a diangosis. So at the very least we would know what we are dealing with. Even if HE doesn't stay and get treatment, we could work to better understand what's going on. 


Quoting Anonymous:

There's clinics that if u report his behavior and his insurance covers it that will admit him. My bf did that to me when I really lost myself but it helped I'm on meds now and more stable now then before.

If he's sducidal and you call 911 he will be taken to psyc ward and also diagnose anything else (also done to me by my bf).





Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 24, 2013 at 3:39 AM
He did all of that to you and he was never arrest? Maybe if you had called the police on him after one of the beatings he put on you he could have gotten some angry management! Brother or not I would have called the police on him. He put your unborn baby at risk! His and good luck!
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 24, 2013 at 4:09 AM


We called the police on him plenty of times when he was beating me, or my dad. The time he hit me when I was pregnant didn't get a call to the police station. I just packed my things and went to a friends for the night. He and I were both living at my parents' house at the time (my husband was deployed and I was pregnant so I just moved in cuz I was there all the time anyway!) and I didn't really CARE about legal recourse. I just wanted to make sure I was okay, and the baby was okay. And we were. What happened after that was up to my father- it was his house. He didn't want to call the police so we didn't. And I'm fine with that because I'm not out for JUSTICE or tattling, or getting him in trouble just because he pissed me off. He's SICK. And I was fine. So making drama wasn't necessary. 

And no, all the times we called the police there were never charges pressed, so he never got anger management or anything else. Anger management wouldn't help him anyway... his problems go deeper than that. 

Quoting Anonymous:

He did all of that to you and he was never arrest? Maybe if you had called the police on him after one of the beatings he put on you he could have gotten some angry management! Brother or not I would have called the police on him. He put your unborn baby at risk! His and good luck!



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