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Spawn of Satan

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 15 Replies

Okay, not really - I just thought I may get more readers with that title...

 My mom watches my son while I work.  She doesn't charge me, so I don't like to complain much.  She often takes my son out with her sister, my aunt.  My aunt watches her two grandsons, so they do playdates.  My aunt is really the only adult interaction my mom has other than my dad who works during the day, so I REALLLY hate to say much about the following situation, but I'll get your input.

My aunt has two grandsons C (3) and B (NB).  C was always a good kid until B came along.  I know a lot of kids act out when a new baby is born, plus he's at a complicated age.  Their mother quite obviously favors B, so C doesn't get much, if at all, positive attention.  I do feel bad for C.  The problem is, ever since B was born, C is physically harming my child, D(15 months).

C pushes D down, chucks things at his face, bangs his head into the ground, etc.  He's just downright mean to D.  Everytime this happens, my mom grabs D to comfort him, and my aunt punishes C, but it does no good.  EVERY TIME they have a playdate, I hear stories of what C did to D and honestly, I'm getting pissed.

Everyone that witnesses it says that D wasn't doing anything to instigate C.  He will just be playing with a toy and C comes over takes the toy, then hurts D.

I do feel bad for C, but you don't mess with my baby.  I don't want to tell my mom that I don't want C&D to play together because really that's her only outlet and she is really doing me a favor.  Right now, I can't afford daycare, so really, i feel like beggars can't be choosers.

IDK, I guess this is more than a vent than anything, but I'm open to hear your thoughts.

Posted by Anonymous on May. 24, 2013 at 7:48 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 24, 2013 at 8:05 AM

Bump for help!

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 24, 2013 at 8:38 AM

Bump!

teri4lance
by Platinum Member on May. 24, 2013 at 8:40 AM
1 mom liked this
Just talk to mom about doing more to keep the older one from hurting yours and go from there.
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mommaponch
by Silver Member on May. 24, 2013 at 8:43 AM

Is your mom aware of what he is doing?  Has she said anything to you about it? 

I would talk to your mom and just explain that you don't want her to stop hanging out with her sister, but that when the two boys are around that she needs to stay within arm's reach or they need to play in seperate areas because you aren't comfortable with what's happening.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 24, 2013 at 8:44 AM

 Yeah she's always in the same room.  She's the one that tells me what is happening. 

Quoting mommaponch:

Is your mom aware of what he is doing?  Has she said anything to you about it? 

I would talk to your mom and just explain that you don't want her to stop hanging out with her sister, but that when the two boys are around that she needs to stay within arm's reach or they need to play in seperate areas because you aren't comfortable with what's happening.

 

 

idunno1234
by Gold Member on May. 24, 2013 at 9:06 AM

It doesn't matter who is taking care of your baby, whether its for free or you're paying for it, your baby has a right to be safe and protected at all times and between your mom and aunt, they are obligated  to make sure no harm comes to your son.

I think you need to impress this upon them. 

Regarding the 3 year old, he obviously has issues that need to be addressed and I'm guessing that it probably shouldn't be punitive in nature, since that isn't working.  New siblings are an awful tough adjustment and some have a much tougher time than others. 

In the meantime, your first priority is to make sure that your son is protected (and I would also worry tremendously about the newborn) and perhaps separation is in order.  Have you tried talking to the 3 year old's parents?

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 24, 2013 at 9:16 AM

 The mother is a nightmare.  She yelled at my son when he was 8 months old for not sharing.  An 8 month old.  She hardly ever watches her kids, even if she is home.  I'm afraid to even bring it up to her because she always falls back on physical punishment.  I know that some people believe in spanking, and that's fine, but this starts crossing into a gray area.  In addition to that, she's always punishing the 3 year old.  The 3 year old receives NO positive attention.  She asked my mother  'Is it horrible that Iove B more than C?" with C RIGHT NEXT TO HER.  The 3 year old is in time out about 75% of the day.  It's really ridiculous.

I think the only luck I"m going to have is with my mom.  I think she's in the position where she is concerned for not only my son, but also the 3 year old.  This is clearly not normal behavior and needs to be addressed, but the parents aren't doing so.  Luckily, I haven't heard of any issues with violence to the newborn, but you're right, that is also a great concern. 

 

Quoting idunno1234:

It doesn't matter who is taking care of your baby, whether its for free or you're paying for it, your baby has a right to be safe and protected at all times and between your mom and aunt, they are obligated  to make sure no harm comes to your son.

I think you need to impress this upon them. 

Regarding the 3 year old, he obviously has issues that need to be addressed and I'm guessing that it probably shouldn't be punitive in nature, since that isn't working.  New siblings are an awful tough adjustment and some have a much tougher time than others. 

In the meantime, your first priority is to make sure that your son is protected (and I would also worry tremendously about the newborn) and perhaps separation is in order.  Have you tried talking to the 3 year old's parents?

 

 

idunno1234
by Gold Member on May. 24, 2013 at 9:25 AM

 Oh wow.  That breaks my heart.  Poor little dude.  Its no wonder he's angry and acting out.  I hate thinking about kids growing up like this.  And when they grow up, much of the time it isn't good.

So sorry.  What an awkward, awful situation.  I'm trying to figure this out- is the father of the 3 year old and newborn your cousin?  Is he involved? 

This is one of those situations that happens all too often-  you know a child is being mistreated but doing something about it is especially difficult when family is involved.  Please, no matter how tough this may be, please stay involved enough in those kids' lives to ensure they are okay and have some loving relationships in their lives.  It just sucks to think about what that little boy is going through.


Quoting Anonymous:

 The mother is a nightmare.  She yelled at my son when he was 8 months old for not sharing.  An 8 month old.  She hardly ever watches her kids, even if she is home.  I'm afraid to even bring it up to her because she always falls back on physical punishment.  I know that some people believe in spanking, and that's fine, but this starts crossing into a gray area.  In addition to that, she's always punishing the 3 year old.  The 3 year old receives NO positive attention.  She asked my mother  'Is it horrible that Iove B more than C?" with C RIGHT NEXT TO HER.  The 3 year old is in time out about 75% of the day.  It's really ridiculous.

I think the only luck I"m going to have is with my mom.  I think she's in the position where she is concerned for not only my son, but also the 3 year old.  This is clearly not normal behavior and needs to be addressed, but the parents aren't doing so.  Luckily, I haven't heard of any issues with violence to the newborn, but you're right, that is also a great concern. 

 

Quoting idunno1234:

It doesn't matter who is taking care of your baby, whether its for free or you're paying for it, your baby has a right to be safe and protected at all times and between your mom and aunt, they are obligated  to make sure no harm comes to your son.

I think you need to impress this upon them. 

Regarding the 3 year old, he obviously has issues that need to be addressed and I'm guessing that it probably shouldn't be punitive in nature, since that isn't working.  New siblings are an awful tough adjustment and some have a much tougher time than others. 

In the meantime, your first priority is to make sure that your son is protected (and I would also worry tremendously about the newborn) and perhaps separation is in order.  Have you tried talking to the 3 year old's parents?

 

 


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 24, 2013 at 9:40 AM

 I know!  That's why, even though he's hurting my son, I can't help but feel bad for him.  He was never like this before.  He used to be so gentle and sweet.  

The father is my cousin.  He is involved and seems to be a lot nicer to the 3 year old than the mother is, but then again, you never really know what happens behind closed doors.  He at least is a good person - I've known him my whole life and he always has been.  His wife on the other hand, is pretty evil in my opinion. My aunt and cousin don't even like her.  They make plans with my mom and schedule around her work schedule so she won't be there.

We do see them pretty often, and  we try to give as much attention and affection to the 3 year old.  It's just getting increasingly difficult to do that because the angry momma bear in me.  I suck it up and am nice to him, but it is hard.

What I have witnessed is a gray area.  If I noticed anything too bad, I would definitely make the calls that need to me made.  I try to mind my own business, but I won't turn a blind eye on flat out abuse.

Quoting idunno1234:

 Oh wow.  That breaks my heart.  Poor little dude.  Its no wonder he's angry and acting out.  I hate thinking about kids growing up like this.  And when they grow up, much of the time it isn't good.

So sorry.  What an awkward, awful situation.  I'm trying to figure this out- is the father of the 3 year old and newborn your cousin?  Is he involved? 

This is one of those situations that happens all too often-  you know a child is being mistreated but doing something about it is especially difficult when family is involved.  Please, no matter how tough this may be, please stay involved enough in those kids' lives to ensure they are okay and have some loving relationships in their lives.  It just sucks to think about what that little boy is going through.

 

Quoting Anonymous:

 The mother is a nightmare.  She yelled at my son when he was 8 months old for not sharing.  An 8 month old.  She hardly ever watches her kids, even if she is home.  I'm afraid to even bring it up to her because she always falls back on physical punishment.  I know that some people believe in spanking, and that's fine, but this starts crossing into a gray area.  In addition to that, she's always punishing the 3 year old.  The 3 year old receives NO positive attention.  She asked my mother  'Is it horrible that Iove B more than C?" with C RIGHT NEXT TO HER.  The 3 year old is in time out about 75% of the day.  It's really ridiculous.

I think the only luck I"m going to have is with my mom.  I think she's in the position where she is concerned for not only my son, but also the 3 year old.  This is clearly not normal behavior and needs to be addressed, but the parents aren't doing so.  Luckily, I haven't heard of any issues with violence to the newborn, but you're right, that is also a great concern. 

 

Quoting idunno1234:

It doesn't matter who is taking care of your baby, whether its for free or you're paying for it, your baby has a right to be safe and protected at all times and between your mom and aunt, they are obligated  to make sure no harm comes to your son.

I think you need to impress this upon them. 

Regarding the 3 year old, he obviously has issues that need to be addressed and I'm guessing that it probably shouldn't be punitive in nature, since that isn't working.  New siblings are an awful tough adjustment and some have a much tougher time than others. 

In the meantime, your first priority is to make sure that your son is protected (and I would also worry tremendously about the newborn) and perhaps separation is in order.  Have you tried talking to the 3 year old's parents?

 

 

 

 

 

Kjv1966
by on May. 24, 2013 at 9:50 AM

I am no expert but I have raised three children and have seen many children at play. This behavior is I believe is totally normal and I am sure goes on everywhere and has since the beginning of mankind. Your situation though because it is your mother is tough. You should ask your mother not to cease all contact with your aunt and her grand children but maybe lessen the amount of "playdates" and point out to her that she has a responsibility to all three children to guide them through everything they do. Toddlers and babies need 24 hour attention and should not be left to monitor themselves.  Could your mother and aunt be chatting away while the children are in the next room? If this is what is happening your mother may not even realize that she is being irresponsible. You have every right to express your concern for your child, mother or not. If you don't who will? You have a right to demand that any adult who has direct contact with your child do their very best and have your childs best interests in mind always, even if that means hearing that they are wrong, correcting their mistakes and learning to do it better. Any behavior issues a child has at that young age are the result of the adults who care for them. "Monkey see monkey do"

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