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Bullying... Advice?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 11 Replies
DS is seven and in first grade. There are only 19 days of school left.

There are two little boys in DS's class that have been....well...awful to him. DS I'm sure isn't innocent, and I've always worried he's been exaggerating, but now I'm fairly certain he isn't. He comes home upset and has been upset every day for months, but today was different.

There are two boys in DS's class that call him names, make fun of him, tell him he can't play in certain areas of the playground, and tell the other kids in the class not to play with him or sit next to him. I've always been the type of mom to explain to him that he needs to stand up for himself, and that he's got to find a way to handle it himself. I can't fight his battles all his life, and the earlier he learns this the better.

Yesterday though, the two boys told the other kids not to sit next to him at lunch and then I guess just spent the lunch period laughing at him. I guess one of the lunch ladies got sick of it and went to the teacher. The teacher went to the assistant principal. The assistant principal called DS down to her office and asked what's been happening. She explained to him that no one is allowed to treat him this way and that she would speak with the boys and find some way to make this stop.

So, how do I know how all of this happened? DS told me. The school never has told me anything. HIs teacher is great, but no one tells me anything. When I've brought up my concerns, they told me DS is a "social butterfly with lots of friends." Clearly though, something isn't right here and my heart is breaking for my little boy who already hates school at seven years old. The assistant principal did call one of the boys down and DS says he "got in trouble." Now, I'm not looking to get anyone in trouble, but I'm worried about DS. I also don't want this to continue to next year. Last night I wrote the teacher an email asking to meet up about this and I will call the school adjustment counselor and talk with her as well.

So.....am I over-reacting, or should I do more? Am I doing the right thing? I don't know how to handle this. All I know is I'm sick of seeing my little boy hate school so much because of this..
Posted by Anonymous on May. 24, 2013 at 9:12 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MamaDee83
by on May. 24, 2013 at 9:15 AM

I wish I had some advice for you, I'm sorry :( I feel like with boys, if they get into a scuffle over this sort of thing, they sort if out better than girls.... I'm not saying that your son should get into a fight, I just wonder if they need him to stand up to them in order to leave him alone?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 24, 2013 at 9:18 AM
Well...at this point I would love for him to stick up for himself even physically... But with the school's zero tolerance policy it would be DS who would be expelled or at the very least suspended over anything like that. So I've had to tell him over and over that he cannot touch either boy no matter what.

Quoting MamaDee83:

I wish I had some advice for you, I'm sorry :( I feel like with boys, if they get into a scuffle over this sort of thing, they sort if out better than girls.... I'm not saying that your son should get into a fight, I just wonder if they need him to stand up to them in order to leave him alone?

MamaDee83
by on May. 24, 2013 at 9:22 AM

I understand. Honestly, I was THIS CLOSE to writing a post about how your son should pop those little miscreants in the nose, but we both know how well that would have gone over here on CM LOL! Is there a way that you can make sure he is not in the same class as these kids next year? Or even the same lunch period?

Quoting Anonymous:

Well...at this point I would love for him to stick up for himself even physically... But with the school's zero tolerance policy it would be DS who would be expelled or at the very least suspended over anything like that. So I've had to tell him over and over that he cannot touch either boy no matter what.

Quoting MamaDee83:

I wish I had some advice for you, I'm sorry :( I feel like with boys, if they get into a scuffle over this sort of thing, they sort if out better than girls.... I'm not saying that your son should get into a fight, I just wonder if they need him to stand up to them in order to leave him alone?


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 24, 2013 at 9:25 AM
I'm hoping for that. I've called and left a message for the adjustment counselor and have emailed the teacher. I asked for a meeting. I'm hoping they'll do that for me. It's the end of the year and they're busy but I don't want this to continue into next year. :/

And a big part of me would love it if he popped one of them...but I wouldn't love the trouble he would be in as a result.

Quoting MamaDee83:

I understand. Honestly, I was THIS CLOSE to writing a post about how your son should pop those little miscreants in the nose, but we both know how well that would have gone over here on CM LOL! Is there a way that you can make sure he is not in the same class as these kids next year? Or even the same lunch period?

Quoting Anonymous:

Well...at this point I would love for him to stick up for himself even physically... But with the school's zero tolerance policy it would be DS who would be expelled or at the very least suspended over anything like that. So I've had to tell him over and over that he cannot touch either boy no matter what.



Quoting MamaDee83:

I wish I had some advice for you, I'm sorry :( I feel like with boys, if they get into a scuffle over this sort of thing, they sort if out better than girls.... I'm not saying that your son should get into a fight, I just wonder if they need him to stand up to them in order to leave him alone?


elkmomma
by on May. 24, 2013 at 9:27 AM

Hmmmm   Sorry, but wondering why your just now trying to figure it out if it's been going on for months. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 24, 2013 at 9:31 AM
DS was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder years ago. While I really don't feel like he's at a level where he needs this diagnosis he is a worrier. Things tend to seem bigger and worse to him than they really are. He's been seeing the same therapist for three years and the therapist has been working with him on ways to handle this stuff. I did talk to the teacher and she made me think it was mostly in DS's head by saying he was doing so well socially.

I do feel awful that I didn't do more sooner, but I can't change that now. All I can do is try to help him from here on out. That's why I'm asking for advice from other moms who might know what to do...

Quoting elkmomma:

Hmmmm   Sorry, but wondering why your just now trying to figure it out if it's been going on for months. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 24, 2013 at 9:37 AM
Bump
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 24, 2013 at 9:46 AM
Bump
elkmomma
by on May. 24, 2013 at 9:55 AM

 

OK that makes more sense to me.  It does make it harder to tell when a story is fictitious or factual from a child at that age.  DS has a tendencyto exaggerate things too, making our job to protect them more difficult.  Counseling works (at least for DS) but it takes time for kids to get a full benefit of it and be able to put it to use.  It sounds like the school has fallen down on this one by not informing you that it might have been an issue for your DS.  Good luck and remember your the best advocate for your DS.

Quoting Anonymous:

DS was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder years ago. While I really don't feel like he's at a level where he needs this diagnosis he is a worrier. Things tend to seem bigger and worse to him than they really are. He's been seeing the same therapist for three years and the therapist has been working with him on ways to handle this stuff. I did talk to the teacher and she made me think it was mostly in DS's head by saying he was doing so well socially.

I do feel awful that I didn't do more sooner, but I can't change that now. All I can do is try to help him from here on out. That's why I'm asking for advice from other moms who might know what to do...

Quoting elkmomma:

Hmmmm   Sorry, but wondering why your just now trying to figure it out if it's been going on for months. 


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 24, 2013 at 10:04 AM
Thanks! I hope the school will take me seriously. I really love his school and his teacher, but since DS has never been a behavior issue I feel like they don't take any concerns seriously.

Quoting elkmomma:

 


OK that makes more sense to me.  It does make it harder to tell when a story is fictitious or factual from a child at that age.  DS has a tendencyto exaggerate things too, making our job to protect them more difficult.  Counseling works (at least for DS) but it takes time for kids to get a full benefit of it and be able to put it to use.  It sounds like the school has fallen down on this one by not informing you that it might have been an issue for your DS.  Good luck and remember your the best advocate for your DS.


Quoting Anonymous:

DS was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder years ago. While I really don't feel like he's at a level where he needs this diagnosis he is a worrier. Things tend to seem bigger and worse to him than they really are. He's been seeing the same therapist for three years and the therapist has been working with him on ways to handle this stuff. I did talk to the teacher and she made me think it was mostly in DS's head by saying he was doing so well socially.

I do feel awful that I didn't do more sooner, but I can't change that now. All I can do is try to help him from here on out. That's why I'm asking for advice from other moms who might know what to do...


Quoting elkmomma:


Hmmmm   Sorry, but wondering why your just now trying to figure it out if it's been going on for months. 




 

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